Chapter 34. Gossip: The Pervasive Sin. "Speak evil of no man." Titus 3:2. It is evil to publicize the faults and infirmities of others. Samuel Logan Brengle. "Let no gossiper say that he meant no harm. Our Lord, who knows the hearts of men, has said, 'Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.'" Francis of Assisi. Very few, if any, Christians are free from gossip. It is one of the most pervasive sins in our churches. Even Christians who live the kingdom life in most other areas often succumb to this evil.
As James said, "The tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles, and the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity." James 3:5-6. What is gossip? My dictionary defines gossip as "idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal and private affairs of others." Some Christians have the mistaken notion that idle talk about others is not gossip as long as it is true. However, that isn't so.
The word gossip comes from an old English noun, Godsib, a combination of God plus sib, meaning a godparent. Since godparents were usually close friends of the family or relatives, they knew a lot about the personal matters of their godchildren's lives. Sadly, godparents often passed on juicy personal information about their godchildren to others. So Godsib eventually came to mean not only a godparent but also idle talk about someone else's personal affairs.
Just because something is absolutely true does not change the fact that it's gossip. When we talk about the failings, faults, embarrassments, and private affairs of others, we are gossiping. Does that mean it's always wrong to talk about other people? No. Normally, it's perfectly fine to relate good news and encouraging comments about others. It's fine to announce that Susan has recovered from an illness or that Joe gave an outstanding series of lessons at a recent Bible school.
However, for some dark reason, Christians find it far more interesting to talk about the failings and faults of their fellow Christians than about their victories and accomplishments in Christ. Bad news usually travels a lot faster than good news. Somehow, many Christians feel that uplifting news doesn't make for very interesting conversation.
Because most of us know in our hearts that talking about the faults and failings of others is wrong, we've come up with ingenious ways to dress up our gossip in godly clothing. Saintly Sue. Saintly Sue would certainly never gossip about anyone. She sees herself as an intercessory prayer warrior. On her way back from Walmart one Wednesday morning, Sue stopped by the house of her Christian friend, Rita.
After some small talk, Sue informed Rita in a concerned voice, "We need to pray for Conrad and Alice Martin." "Oh, why's that?" Rita replied, her ears pricking up. "Well, they're having a lot of marital problems right now," she explained in a hushed tone. Shaking her head, she continued, "They're constantly arguing. In fact, I hear they don't even eat at the same table. I'm really concerned that they may end up separating." "Really?" Rita replied in pious amazement. "How long has this been going on?
You'd never know it to look at them in church." "Well, from what I hear..." It all sounds so pious. It's so easy for Sue and Rita to pretend they're not gossiping about the Martins. If Saintly Sue honestly examined her heart, she would know that she didn't really talk to Rita about the Martins' marriage because she has godly concern for them. In fact, she rarely intercedes for them in private. The plain truth is that she likes to gossip, but she has enough savvy to dress up her gossip in spiritual clothing.
Why gossip is so serious. "Well, what's so bad about a little gossip?" some may be thinking. "Isn't it a rather minor shortcoming, like a petty traffic infraction?" No. Indeed, it is a violation of the second greatest commandment: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:39. William Law put it this way: "You know how it hurts you to be made the jest and ridicule of other people. You know how it grieves you to be robbed of your reputation and deprived of the favorable opinion of your neighbors.
If, therefore, you expose others to scorn and contempt in any degree, or if it pleases you to see or hear of their frailties and infirmities, you are very far from loving such people as yourself. In fact, you may be justly supposed to have as much hatred for them as you have love for yourself." Jesus warns us: "Whoever says to his brother, 'Raca,' shall be in danger of the council; but whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be in danger of hellfire." Matthew 5:22.
No, the gossiper doesn't have the courage to say to his brother's face, "Raca," a word of contempt. Nor is he daring enough to say, "You fool," to his face. Instead, he does far worse. He damages his brother's reputation in the eyes of others so that they will hold his brother in contempt. He makes everyone view his brother as a fool. Yet, like the coward he is, the gossiper does it behind his brother's back. Not only that, like a Judas, he pretends to be his brother's friend.
When we gossip about our brother, not only do we wrong him, but we also wrong Jesus. In Matthew 25, Jesus said that when we feed a hungry brother or visit him in prison, we are doing it to Christ. By the same token, then, when we inflict injury on our brother through gossip, we inflict it on Christ. Remember, Jesus died for the brother we're holding up to ridicule. No wonder the Scriptures repeatedly condemn gossip.
"You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people, nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor. I am the Lord." Leviticus 19:16. James tells us, "If anyone among you thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless." James 1:26. Gossip is included in what the New Testament calls evil speaking.
Paul wrote, "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32. So Paul contrasts evil speaking with being kind to one another and tenderhearted. Gossip is neither kind nor tenderhearted. Peter contrasts evil speaking with Christian love.
He writes, "Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart. Laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, as newborn babes, desiring the pure milk of the Word that you may grow thereby." 1 Peter 1:22 and 2:1-2. When gossip becomes slander. Up to this point, we've been talking about gossip that is true, and we have seen how serious a sin it is.
However, gossip is rarely totally true. Often, the gossiper does not have firsthand information. Rather, he is passing on rumors or tales that were slowly altered as they were handed by one person to another. At other times, the gossiper may be relating truthful matters of which he has personal knowledge. Yet, he may omit certain facts that would put the other person in a better light. Or there may be extenuating matters of which the gossiper has no knowledge.
In short, in most instances, gossipers are not only guilty of idle, hurtful talk, but also of slander. This is because they pass on false and defamatory information about others. Slander puts us even more at enmity with God. "Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy." Psalm 101:5. And again, "You give your mouth to evil, and your tongue frames deceit. You sit and speak against your brother; you slander your own mother's son." Psalm 50:19-20.
William Law gave this poignant description of a particular gossiper. "She is hardened and cruel in evil speaking for the same reason that cutthroats are inhuman and cruel: because she has been so long used to murder the reputation of her neighbors, she has killed all her own family over and over." Why do Christians gossip? In light of the seriousness of gossip, why do most Christians engage in it?
One reason is that, in most circles, gossip makes for entertaining conversation, and people want to have something interesting to talk about. They don't want to be perceived as dull and uninteresting. And so they turn to gossip. This, of course, is a terrible indictment of both the gossiper and those who listen to him. Why do so many of us find it titillating to talk about the sins, imperfections, problems, and private affairs of others? Does it not reveal something very dark deep inside us?
Jesus said, "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12:34-37. So the ultimate cause of gossip is something wrong inside a person's heart.
And if he doesn't change, the consequences will be serious indeed. What other things does gossip reveal about a person's heart? Many people gossip because they think they enhance themselves by painting others in a bad light. The world would say such gossipers have "low self-esteem." However, the real problem is that they lack godly humility. A truly humble person has no desire to artificially enhance his image in the eyes of others. His focus is on his standing before God.
He knows that tearing down the reputation of others will not raise his standing before God. Rather, it will have the opposite effect. Building up his brothers and sisters, not tearing them down, will raise his value in God's eyes. Another cause of gossip is envy. Perhaps another person is more attractive, earns more money, holds a more prominent position in the church, or has a more successful ministry than the gossiper. The gossiper cannot take these things away from that other person.
But the gossiper can take something else away from that person: his reputation. William Law writes, "When you despise and ridicule a man, it is with no other end but to make him ridiculous and contemptible in the eyes of other men and in order to prevent their esteem of him." George Verwer, the founder of the missionary organization Operation Mobilization, writes, "Envy is particularly prevalent in Christian circles.
It is so easy to be jealous of another's talents." A Christian psychiatrist in India wrote to tell me that he believed that 80% of people's problems stem from bitterness and envy in their hearts. Until we are willing, and it is a question of the will, to let Christ's blood, love, and forgiveness wash them out of our hearts, we shall be crippled by them. The cure for gossip. Happily, gossip can be cured.
Since gossip is ultimately a problem of the heart, the starting place is a thorough, honest examination of our hearts. Each person should ask himself, "What causes me to gossip?" If we're not sure, we should pray that God will help us to determine the real cause. Then we should pray for His Spirit to cleanse us of whatever defects in our hearts lead us to gossip. However, we shouldn't imagine that God will do all the work for us. He wants us to participate in the process of conquering this sin.
The practical steps we will need to take will vary based on the cause of our gossiping. Perhaps we gossip out of a desire to be interesting conversationalists. If so, we need to find other topics to talk about. If we find that other topics don't readily come to mind when we're in conversations, then we should plan our conversations ahead of time. We should take stock of some uplifting or at least neutral subjects to talk about. What good news do we know about various brothers and sisters?
What can we say about friends, family members, or others in our spiritual circles that will build up those people? If we think about such topics and events beforehand, they will come to our minds more readily in the middle of a conversation. If we still find it hard to have uplifting things to talk about, it may help if we read more. Reading good spiritual literature should give us a storehouse of worthwhile inspiring things to converse about. However, our reading doesn't have to be limited to spiritual works.
If we regularly read informative literature, this too will help supply us with meaningful subjects to talk about. In the end, we may have to simply accept the fact that we won't be as entertaining as we once were. But to be an interesting conversationalist at the expense of others is simply not acceptable for someone living the kingdom life. Paul's exhortation on the things we should meditate about is also an appropriate measure of what things we should talk about.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. Philippians 4:8. Overcoming jealousy. What if we determine that jealousy is behind much of our gossiping? One of the surest ways to defeat jealousy is to pray for the very people we're jealous of.
And we shouldn't just pray for them in a general way. We should pray that God will bless them in those specific areas of which we're envious. Do we envy someone's successful ministry? We should pray that God will make his ministry even more fruitful. Do we envy someone who has more friends than we do? We should pray that God will give her even more friends. Yes, it will be like driving nails through our flesh to pray in this manner.
However, if we persevere, God will help us to root out all jealousy from our hearts. Gossip partners. If you're serious about conquering the sin of gossip, analyze to whom you mainly gossip. You may discover that it is mainly one or two people. Too often, what people call close friendships are really gossip partnerships. Although both genders can develop gossip partnerships, it happens more often among women. Many women forge close bonds with other women based upon gossip relationships.
They gossip about their husbands, their children, their parents, their neighbors, members of their congregation, and even other friends. Whether you are male or female, if you find yourself in such a partnership, you need to have a serious talk with your gossip partner. Explain that you realize that the two of you regularly gossip about others. Further, tell your friend that you've made a commitment to God to stop gossiping. You can then ask your friend to stop you if you ever start gossiping about someone.
Explain that you will do the same if he or she starts to gossip. Encourage the other person to make a similar commitment to God. If your relationship is a true friendship, you will be able to end your gossiping and still have plenty of other things to talk about. If you find there isn't a whole lot to talk about once the gossip stops, the relationship probably needed to end anyway. Paul had a remedy for idle talk.
Speaking about younger widows, he said, "They learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not." Therefore, I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 1 Timothy 5:13-14. In other words, gossiping is often the byproduct of having too much idle time. If that is your situation, then find useful work to fill that time.
If you are actively pursuing the kingdom life, you will view free time as an opportunity both to enrich your prayer life and to serve Christ in kingdom work. As an old proverb expresses it, "Idle hands are the devil's work tools." Can someone's sin never be spoken of? Am I saying that all sin should be kept hidden from other Christians? Not necessarily. Sometimes it's right and necessary to reveal someone's sin as part of church discipline and for the protection of the congregation.
But this should be handled by the steps set forth in Matthew 18, not through gossip. An example of such a situation occurred in a certain church. A man who attended the church was accused of molesting a boy in the congregation. The pastor privately but thoroughly investigated all of the facts. He heard the victim's account of the incident, and he confronted the accused with that information. The accused admitted to wrongdoing. The police were notified in accordance with the law.
The next Sunday, after the service was over, the pastor called all of the heads of households into a private meeting in the church library. He related the facts they needed to know about the situation. He did not go into explicit details as they did not need to know them. He told the family heads enough to be on guard concerning the wrongdoer and to safeguard their families. There was no need for his hearers to discuss the matter further.
Nor was there any reason to spread the news to others who had no reason to know about it. The listener's guilt. Up until now, we've been talking about gossipers. But it's rather hard to gossip without a listener. The one who listens to gossip bears nearly as much guilt as the speaker. So what should we do if someone starts gossiping in our presence? No one living the kingdom life should let himself become a party to gossip by being a willing listener.
When we find ourselves in a conversation that turns into gossip, we should first try to gently redirect the conversation to another subject. If the gossip persists, we may want to simply walk away from the discussion. If the gossiper is a friend or someone with whom we have a sufficient spiritual relationship, we might tactfully say something like, "Uh-oh, I think we've crossed the line now into gossip. Let's talk about something else." Of course, we shouldn't do this with a self-righteous spirit.
The most effective way to extinguish gossip completely is to go to the person who is the subject of gossip and tell him what is being said. We don't have to tell him who is spreading the gossip, but we can say, "There's a rumor circulating that you..." This gives him the opportunity to give his side of the story. If it turns out that the gossip about him is clearly false, we can then go back to the ones who are spreading the gossip and tell them what we learned.
We can urge them to contact the people to whom they've spread the false story and get the matter corrected. A hard habit to break. If you've been a gossiper most of your life, you will find that it won't be easy to break the habit. Don't give up or get discouraged if you find yourself slipping back into old habits. Just pray that much more intensely for victory. Press ahead with the assurance that such victory will come with time. Make sure that gossip is a daily subject of your prayers.
Examine yourself before God at the end of each day. Have you gossiped about anybody? If so, confess it before God and ask His forgiveness. And pray for more power to defeat this evil habit. What's next? This brings us to the final section of this book, where we'll be talking about money, possessions, and the kingdom life. Just like gossip is a hard habit to break, so are wrong habits on the use of money and possessions.