Discussion Questions

Margie says marriage is “a picture of God’s blood covenant with us,” linking Genesis 15, David/Jonathan, and the blood symbol at Jewish weddings; what does this teach you about how seriously God treats covenant, and how does that seriousness confront the way “Christian marriage” is often spoken about today? JumpstartAnother way to ask: If marriage points to God’s serious covenant with us, what does that show about how seriously God takes promises? How does that challenge the casual way people today often talk about “Christian marriage”?

Margie argues that if happiness or “receiving love” is the goal, divorce will “make sense” as soon as happiness leaves; where have you seen this logic operating (in yourself, your church culture, or your generation), and what would have to change for “God’s glory” to become the controlling aim? JumpstartAnother way to ask: Where do you see the idea that divorce makes sense once happiness fades (in yourself, your church, or your generation)? What would need to change for “God’s glory” to matter more than personal happiness?

She claims, “One thing I do know is that my actions will eventually inform my heart,” and that disciplined obedience can change inner affections over time; what parts of modern evangelical thinking about authenticity, feelings, and “the heart” does this challenge, and where do you see Scripture supporting—or correcting—her claim? JumpstartAnother way to ask: If our choices can shape our feelings over time, what does that challenge about today’s focus on being “true to your heart”? Where do you see the Bible support or correct what she says?

In describing oneness, she uses John 17 (“When we are one, others believe”) and the unified singers in 2 Chronicles leading to God’s glory filling the tabernacle; what would it look like to treat marital unity as a public witness issue, not merely a private relationship issue? JumpstartAnother way to ask: What would change if you treated a strong, united marriage as something that helps others believe in God, not just a private relationship? What might that look like day to day?

Margie calls the “soulmate to complete us” idea spiritual idolatry and says, “Your husband is just a man; that burden will break him”; what specific expectations do wives (or husbands) commonly place on marriage that function like worship, and how can a couple practically “enjoy the relationship with an open hand” without becoming emotionally detached? JumpstartAnother way to ask: What are common things spouses expect from marriage that only God can really give, putting too much pressure on the other person? How can a couple enjoy each other deeply without making each other an “idol” or becoming emotionally distant?

She lists four “fairly good” ways to break a marriage—assuming motives, controlling/manipulating, criticism/disrespect, and discontent; which one did she make sound most “normal” for women, and what examples she gave exposed how subtle it can be (like the chicken question, receipts, lateness, half-truths, or spiritual guilt)? JumpstartAnother way to ask: Of her four “normal” marriage-killers, which one sounded most common for women? Which examples showed how it can hide in everyday moments (like questions, receipts, lateness, half-truths, or spiritual guilt)?

Margie ties 2 Corinthians 10:5 (“casting down imaginations”) to marriage, saying the root issue is often lies about circumstances more than circumstances themselves; what “imaginations” do you personally tend to treat as facts in marriage conflict, and what would “replacing them with truth” look like in a concrete plan (memorizing, posting Scripture, offensive love actions)? JumpstartAnother way to ask: In conflict, what stories do you often tell yourself that you treat like facts? What is a clear plan you could use to replace those lies with truth (like memorizing or posting Scripture and choosing loving actions)?

She says, “We are not called to be his evangelists… not the Holy Spirit… not even called to be his conscience,” and warns that a wife’s voice can drown out God’s; how would early Christians—who assumed strong discipleship and obedience—have understood this without turning it into passivity, and where is the line between biblical help and spiritual interference? JumpstartAnother way to ask: If a wife is not meant to act like her husband’s Holy Spirit or conscience, how can she still help him without becoming passive? Where is the line between good, biblical support and getting in the way of what God is doing?

Margie teaches that submission is like a “hard hat” that gives protection, and that being “willing to suffer wrongfully” (1 Peter) can silence accusations more than “carefully crafted words”; what makes this teaching uncomfortable, and how do you process it in situations where the husband is actually wrong, unfair, or spiritually negligent? JumpstartAnother way to ask: What feels hard or upsetting about her view of submission and being willing to suffer unfairly? How do you handle this teaching when a husband is clearly wrong, unfair, or not leading spiritually?

In her “build” section she stresses a wife at peace, trustworthiness (“does your husband trust you to have his back?”), careful speech, admiration as a male motivator, and even a weekly pattern (Monday fun, Tuesday help, etc.); which of her practical suggestions most exposes your current priorities, and what one change would most clearly demonstrate “marrying for God’s glory” in your daily routines this month? JumpstartAnother way to ask: Which of her practical tips most reveals what you care about most right now? What is one change you could make this month that would show you are living out marriage for God’s glory in your daily routine?