Discussion Jumpstarter
Study leader reference - not a definitive answer
Question 6
She lists four “fairly good” ways to break a marriage—assuming motives, controlling/manipulating, criticism/disrespect, and discontent; which one did she make sound most “normal” for women, and what examples she gave exposed how subtle it can be (like the chicken question, receipts, lateness, half-truths, or spiritual guilt)?
Another way to ask: Of her four “normal” marriage-killers, which one sounded most common for women? Which examples showed how it can hide in everyday moments (like questions, receipts, lateness, half-truths, or spiritual guilt)?
Discussion Jumpstarter
Direct Answer
She made “assuming and ascribing motives” sound especially normal for women, emphasizing how easily women “read between the lines” and treat imagined meanings as facts. Her concrete illustrations (like the chicken question and interpreting neglect as lack of love) expose how quickly assumptions multiply without evidence.
- She says, “Probably one of the biggest problems for women is assuming and ascribing motives. Don’t assume.”
- She observes, “Women tend to read between the lines,” then gives the dinner example: “Where did you buy this chicken?” turning into “What’s wrong with it?… Did I pay too much?”
- She lists everyday triggers where motives get assigned: not having “their wrapped attention,” forgetting to ask about your day, toilet ring, brushing off concerns, forgetting anniversary.
- She warns these things “can all mean a lot of things, but not necessarily that he doesn’t care deeply.”
- She connects assumptions to “imaginations” (2 Cor. 10:5-6) and says the root is often “lies.”
- She urges a wise default: “choose to think good until proven wrong… and even when proven right, still choose to focus on good.”