S2S Sisters: "Backsliding, Remarriage, and Restoration: A Testimony of God’s Faithful Provision"

Our prayer is that you will be filled with the knowledge of His will, strengthened with all might according to His glorious power.

Hello and welcome, everyone, to Strength to Strength Sisters. We are so glad that you could join us today. My name is Marielle Frost, and I am here in Ohio, and we are being joined by people from around the country and around the world, and we're so grateful for this opportunity to hear from Jane Hodges today.

Jane has written her story in book form and is going to share some of her testimony with us here today, and she's had a lot of life experience. She has experienced a lot of sin, a lot of restoration, a lot of God's grace in many different ways, and so we are really looking forward to hearing from you today.

Jane, thank you for joining us and being willing to do this. And I should mention that her book, A Love That Would Not Let Me Go, has been self-published by Jane, and she's been using it for about the last year or two as an outreach for people, and it is going to be published and available through Strength to Strength Books. And so it's not quite ready yet, but is available for pre-order, and you can find that on the website.

I think there should be a link below and however this is presented. So yeah, A Love That Would Not Let Me Go by Jane Hodges. Okay.

Let's see here. I should just mention that after Jane shares, we will have a question and answer time. So if you have questions pertaining to her testimony and anything she has shared, then please, yeah, prepare those. You can share in a couple of different ways. You can turn on your video and ask the question yourself if you would like, and you will only be recorded if you do turn on your video and when you speak, not while you're watching or somebody else is speaking. And you can also, if you feel more comfortable doing so, you can type your comment or question in the chat box, and then either myself or Lanelle will read that to Jane and she can speak to that.

So without any further ado, I'm going to go ahead and pray for you, Jane, and then you can go ahead and get started. And whenever you're done, we'll pick up with a question and answer time. So let's pray.

Father in heaven, Lord, we come before you with excitement, Father, because we are so privileged and blessed to have this opportunity to gather together as sisters and hear from an older sister who has so much life experience and has so much opportunity to share with us about your grace and your mercy and your pursuit of her. Lord, we just look forward to hearing from you. We do pray, Lord, that you would bless the internet connections that we're all on and bless Jane as she speaks. Help her mind to be clear and help her to just bring out the points that you want to have brought out today in a lifetime of experiences. There's only so much that she can share.

So we are trusting, Lord, that you will handpick that which you want to come forth this morning or this afternoon. And so we thank you in Jesus' name. Amen. All right, Jane, thank you. Well, I thank you for this opportunity.

I love being able to tell people what great things God's done for me. And I was trying to decide how I'm 82 years old, so my testimony covers a lifetime. How do I condense it down to where I can get into our time frame today? So I'm going to kind of highlight different times in my life, and I go into a lot more detail in my book about the things I'm going to talk about. But for the purpose of today, I'm going to just share maybe an overview of my life. My life definitely shows the ugliness of sin. That's something I feel very strongly about. Sin is ugly.

It's destructive. And it shows the bondage that you can get into. In Psalms, it talks about being in a horrible pit, and that's truly where you are. It's a place where the darkness is so great that you don't see any light.

And so what I will share with you today is just a portion of what's in my book. I started my story in my book when I was 15 years old, and I was pregnant and unmarried. And when I was 15, that was like in 1959.

And I truly believe that this country still had some sense of a moral conscience back then. Maybe it was because nothing was open on Sunday. There were no stores open. The only thing open on Sunday was the emergency room.

And I think people, even just ordinary everyday people, went to church on Sunday because there was nothing else to do. But regardless, it was a time when being pregnant and unmarried was a disgrace. And so I was sent away to a home. It was a Florence Crenton home for unwed mothers.

And it was a place where you could go and have your baby, and it would be put up for adoption. And you were basically hiding out because of this dirty little sin you had. And so I went to the Florence Crenton home. I actually had a fairly good experience there. It was not a horrible place for me. I was supported by the people that were there.

They ministered to your physical needs, but also we had a minister that came in on Sundays and had a service with us. And then we also, some of the church ladies would come and share different things, crafts, play games with us, teach us how to knit, things like that. So my experience was not bad there.

But the baby was put up for adoption, and I came back home, and I finished high school. Needless to say, my relationship with my family was not really good after that. I think a great part of it was because of my rebellious attitude and then the disgrace that I had caused. So I was kind of looking for the first chance I could to get out on my own.

And I met an older guy. I was right ready to graduate when I met this older guy, and we ran away and got married. I had asked for my parents' blessing, but they said, "No, you don't know him very well, and you're not old enough." But in my rebellious state, we ran away and got married.

We had a son, and it didn't take me long to realize that my family was right. I didn't really know this man. He turned out to be very emotionally and physically abusive. And as the years went on, the violence increased. And I worried not only for my own safety, but I thought about my son, and as he got older, was he going to suffer at the hands of his father? If he did something wrong or made his father angry, would he suffer that same abuse? So I ended up leaving him. I got a divorce and a restraining order and set out to raise my son on my own.

Shortly after the divorce, I met another man. We had a little girl, but the difference there was we did not marry. And then I found myself trying to raise two children on my own in my early 20s.

It was hard to keep a good job because having small children, somebody's always sick. And so I ended up having to call in work and not be able to show up for work, and I just kind of hopped around from job to job.

I ended up living in an apartment over it was a widow lady, and she had an apartment in the upstairs of her house. And I thought, "Well, that would be a way that she could babysit and I could work." Her adult son lived with her, and so he came upstairs and visited with me, and she did not like that.

So she told her son, "I'm going to report her as an unfit mother to the social services." I didn't want to have my children taken into foster care. So I took my son to live with his aunt, and I took my daughter to live with her natural father and his mother.

And it was a hard decision to make, but I came up with what I thought was this great plan. And that was that without the responsibility of my children, I would get a good job, I would save some money, I'd find a nice place to live and get my children and I back together.

It sounded like a good plan, but I decided that I deserved to have a little fun before I got down to this serious business of getting my life together. And in my book, I go into this a little bit more about what I call this victim mentality, that, "Woe is me. Look at all these hard things that happened to me. And so life owes me something good." And so with my children safe, a friend of mine told me, she said, "We live out of town, but I know where I can get you a good job." So I left with them, got a good job. It was a good job.

And I started trying to get my life together. But I found out something about myself was that all work and no play makes Jane a bored girl. And I started to feel like, "Well, I need to have some fun."

So my friends and I started going out on the weekends, and my life started to revolve around men and having fun. I've told the ladies at the homeless shelter many times that you can have more addiction is not always drugs.

I think I was seriously addicted to men. And it was during this time that when I was having fun going out, that I added to my fun and men drugs.

And as time went on, I added crime to the drugs and the men and the fun. And years went by, and getting my children and I back together just seemed to be on the back burner. I really wasn't thinking about it that often. All I could think about was having fun. And one of the drugs that I was introduced to in that time was heroin.

I always felt like that I was living my life the way I wanted to, that I had the freedom to do what I wanted to do. But at that point in my life, heroin had become my master. He was the one that controlled my life. And it was a time that I found that I did things that I never thought I would ever do in my life.

But men, sex, drugs, crime were my whole life.

But at that time, during that time, one day, a Christian man came to visit where I lived. I was living with his brother. And there were some other people that lived in that house, and they had all known each other.

And this man came to visit. I didn't know who he was. But then I found out that he was my boyfriend's brother. And everybody said, "He's kind of different from us." And when he came in and started talking and sharing the gospel, I realized, "Oh, yeah, he's definitely different from us."

And he didn't just come once in a while. He came by. He wasn't always welcome. Sometimes there was so much ungodly activity in that house that he couldn't even stand to be there. But he would look around, and he would smile at us, and he'd say, "I can see you guys are busy today, so I'll come back another time."

But he always came back. And one night, he came, and that was the night that it was just him and I sitting in the living room. And that was the night that I got saved. It was April 1976.

He discipled me. I didn't appreciate what he had done for me until years later. It was a Saturday night, and he said, "I'll come back and get you in the morning. We'll go to church." And I was like, "Oh, whoa, wait a minute.

Do we have to go tomorrow? I mean, can I just kind of get used to this?" And he said, "Nope. I'll be here. I'll blow the horn once. Don't make me blow the horn twice." And he took me to church. He later made sure he had a Bible study every week in his home for young unmarried adults.

And he made sure I didn't have a car. He made sure I got there. He taught me about baptism, taught me about the importance of church membership. And I joined the church. I didn't really appreciate his discipleship at the time. But years later, and especially when I was writing my book, I realized what a precious thing he had done for me, that he understood that leading someone to Christ came with a huge responsibility.

You can't take a newborn and lay them down somewhere and walk off from them. They'll die. And he knew that with all the ungodliness that was around me, he couldn't leave me. He had to make sure that he helped me to learn to crawl and walk.

And so I do appreciate that was one of the things when I wrote my book that God gave me such an appreciation for. But anyway, I got a member of the church, joined the church. And in the church, I met a Christian man, and we were married. The Lord called him to the ministry. He was ordained as a Baptist minister.

And we went away to Bible school to prepare for whatever the Lord had for us. We had two daughters. And that was my life for about 11 years, serving the Lord, being a minister's wife, raising my daughters, being active in the church. And then everything fell apart.

My husband fell into alcohol. He walked away from the Lord and walked away from the girls and I. And it wasn't long after that until I walked away because of unrepented sin in my life.

I was so thankful to God that even though I wasn't walking with God, I did not go back into that life that I had led before.

It was a time when, because of the unrepented sin in my life, everything that reminded me of God it's kind of like if you have a sore spot and you press on it, it hurts. So every time I was around other Christians or in the church or anything relating to God, it was like the Holy Spirit was just pressing on that sore spot.

And so I noticed that the further I got from that, the less it hurt. And so I quit going to church, quit fellowshipping, went off, and was raising my daughters by myself. I later met a guy. He was not a Christian guy, and we got married. My girls were pretty much on their own by then.

And he was a good husband. He loved me. He cared for me. I had really never known a man as kind and generous as he was. And we were actually very happy.

And I remember that even though I was separated from the Lord and had not gone back into the sin I'd had before, I remember one day I was sitting. Somebody started talking to me about this it was during a time when it was the media called it the Arab Spring. It was when a lot of the countries in the Middle East were overthrowing their governments and looking for freedom. They called it the Arab Spring. And everybody in my group was talking about, "Who are these people, these Arab people?" And I thought, "Oh, I know where to find that out."

So I got out my Bible, and I started to read the Bible for the sole purpose of finding out who was who in the Middle East. I tease people sometimes, and I say, "God tricked me into reading my Bible, to hearing His word." And faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. So one day, as I sat at my kitchen table, I felt this overwhelming need to pray.

And I started into the bedroom because bedrooms were always where I prayed. And before I could get into the bedroom, I just fell on my knees and sobbed.

I felt like I couldn't get it out fast enough. For lack of a better word, I was just like vomiting all this sin out. And I remember that it just came out and came out. And then all of a sudden, I just laid my head on the foot of the bed and just sobbed. But it was peaceful.

My shepherd had come out on the mountainside and found his lost lamb and brought me back to the fold.

My husband wasn't opposed to reading my Bible or even telling him sometimes what I read about. But he didn't think religion was something he needed. And I thought, "Well, that's okay. I'll be a good testimony to him, and maybe one day, the Lord will open his heart to the truth."

But I knew I needed fellowship. And so I asked the Lord to lead me to a church.

I used to shop at the Dutch Country Market near my house. And all of a sudden, I felt like the Holy Spirit was saying, "What about the Mennonite church?" And I thought, "Really? The only church in this area that the Lord's got is a Mennonite church?"

But I later realized that that was the only church he had that would tell me the truth about divorce and remarriage.

And the Mennonites welcomed me with open arms. And during my journey of finding the truth about divorce and remarriage, which was without a doubt the hardest thing I ever did, my church supported me. I knew they were rooting for me. They wanted me to succeed, and they supported me with their prayers.

And the Lord did show me the truth. I was very much afraid. I was afraid of a couple of things. And one of them was that I didn't want it to be true. I loved this man. We'd been together almost 20 years now, and he was so good to me. And I didn't want it to be true.

I didn't want it to be true that my marriage wasn't really a godly marriage. It was adultery.

But I was afraid that because I didn't want it to be true, that I might harden my heart and blind myself to the truth. So I prayed real hard that God would, "Don't let me do that. Don't let me harden my heart to the truth and show me the truth no matter what it is."

And so the Lord did. And I learned a truth about there's a verse that I always liked. "My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness." I always liked that verse. But I learned a depth to that verse that I never knew because God showed me that, yes, my grace is sufficient for you, Jane, because in your weakness, I am strong.

And he walked every step with me. He wiped every tear. And like I said, it was probably the hardest thing I ever did. But even though I am no longer living with that man, I can honestly tell you that what God did in that time was miraculous, not only for me but in his heart.

And I just felt like that if I did I didn't know how to explain it to someone, even to my family. I knew that if I did right, that God would bless it. And he did. I can honestly say that my cup runs over every day.

And so I ended up staying at the Mennonite church. But I felt like I had so much I was reading in the story in Mark about the man in the tombs and how he had been possessed by demons and that no one could restrain him with shackles or chains. And the people were terrified. And that's how when Christ came to the area, he cast the demons out, and the town people found him sitting at Jesus' feet, clothed and in his right mind.

And then when Jesus was going to leave, the man wanted to go with him. And Jesus said, "No, go back and tell what great things God has done for you and the compassion he showed you." And all I could think about was my story.

And so I wanted God to help me tell the world what an amazing God I serve, that I could show them what great things God had done for me and the compassion that he showed me over and over and over again. But I didn't feel like I mean, I was in my 70s, and I felt like I don't have very many outreach opportunities. And I just felt like I was going to explode. And so I was having dinner at a minister's house after church on Sunday one day. And there was another minister there in his family. And so I shared with them my desire. And they said, "Well, write a book."

And I laughed. And I said, "Write a book? Yeah, right." I mean, I was an avid reader, but I knew I wasn't an author.

So I went home, and the Holy Spirit just kept saying, "Write a book. Write a book." And I actually sat down one night with my laptop, and I started typing. And I typed out about two or three chapters. And then I went, "This is silly. This is crazy. I'm no author." And I slammed the laptop, and I deleted the file.

And the very next day, the Holy Spirit was saying, "Write a book." So I kind of prayed and told the Lord that I don't have a problem writing a book, but I need you to do it because you're using me to tell this story, but it's your story, Lord.

It's what you did for me. And so it took me about a year, but about, I'd say, 10 to 12 months' time, I had my book, A Love, that would not let me go.

And I guess I've always had the desire to use my book as an outreach. I wanted, especially for people who were in that same darkness and that same bondage that I was, that they could see that your sin is not greater than God's grace, that it doesn't matter how far in that pit you've fallen. God can reach down that far.

But then I thought, "I want to use it as an outreach to the lost, but I hope my brothers and sisters will get a couple of things from it." One is that when you see these people on the streets that don't look like you do, don't have the lifestyle you do, that maybe are in undesirable situations, that you'll remember after reading my book that maybe that person is another chain, that you can share with them the good news. The Christian man that came to me faithfully shared the gospel, and God rescued me. And I hope my brothers and sisters will also start to look at people that are lost in their sins and their darkness through the compassionate eyes of Christ.

And I know sometimes we have to pray that God will give us that same compassion that Christ had for us because whether you were born and raised in a Mennonite home or whether you were in the pit that I was in, sin is sin. We would have both ended up in the same place without Jesus Christ.

And then I also wanted people that have walked away from the Lord that they would realize that you can always come back, that God will always welcome you back.

And I wanted my brothers and sisters to realize that if you have a loved one or a family member that's away from the Lord, don't ever stop praying for them because the only time limit on repentance is death.

And then I do pray that God will lead people who are in divorce and remarriage situations, lead them to a place where they can find the truth. And I pray that he will give them the same grace he gave me, that all things are possible with him.

The things that seem absolutely unable to do, that he will take you through that journey. So I'm so thankful to God for his love and his grace and his kindness to me. I feel like my testimony is a it's a testimony to the transforming power of God and what he can do with a life that surrenders itself to him and that all things are possible with him. There is nothing that's not possible with him.

So I hope that the people that read my book, that God will use it in their life for his glory.

Thank you. Thank you so much, Jane. That was really amazing to hear just that process that God brought you through. And I did have the privilege to read your book. And yeah, there were so many things that stood out to me, so many questions that came to my mind. And maybe I'll take a minute and ask some of them. But I do want those of you that are listening to also prepare your thoughts, comments, and questions. And yeah, your story was very easy to read, actually.

And I know that you mentioned to me that even the layout of the book, you wanted to keep it very user-friendly, as it were. And it really is. It was a page-turner, if you will. It was easy to read.

And I also appreciated what you had to say about it was God's story. It is God's story. Really, as we read the book, you're not the hero of the story. God is. And that really comes across. So thank you for sharing and for bearing your heart for us and being so honest about those things. One of the things that really came across to me, and you touched on this at the beginning there, was this thought of just, "Well, I'll just have some fun before I get my life together and whatever." And clearly, your idea of fun at that stage in your life was so far removed from what most of us would even consider.

But what was that idol of having fun? What can you teach us about how deceptive that can be, that lie that we just deserve to have fun, even if fun isn't drugs and men and whatever else?

Well, I never thought about fun as an idol. I thought about it more as an escape. It was to get away from the reality of life, to get away from the responsibilities that I have, to just go do something mindless, just have fun.

And I think I used it a lot in my life to just do that, to run from responsibility, to run from anything that was unpleasant, just have fun, just get my mind away from all the things. And I think about I found it interesting when I came to the Mennonite community.

I think what I called fun in my life, we call fellowship. And we fellowship for a lot of different reasons. And fellowship is hugely important. I think it's good for us to encourage each other, to edify each other. But I think the Bible says, "In the multitude of words, there is sin." We have to be so careful that we don't end up being critical and judgmental, that we don't spend that time in fellowship. We should be in encouraging each other. We should be edifying one another, talking about the things of the Lord, keeping our minds focused on him rather than trying to escape from just the drudgery of every day or something that you're supposed to do.

So I really do think, to me, it's more of an escape. And I think whatever we do in the name of the Lord, or if we and it's nothing wrong with wanting to get together and just relaxing and enjoying, my dear sisters, it's a precious time together. But we have to make sure that we keep our eyes on Christ and that those times of fun are productive. To me, it's like the time where I come get my battery charged, that and by charging up that spiritual battery, that will give me the strength to go out into the world and share the truth about God.

That's good. And it sounds like choosing wisely those things that we do to rest and have fun is key, making sure that it's things that are actually going to recharge our spiritual batteries. Yeah.

Another thing that I wondered about as I read your story was there's clearly so many broken relationships or choices, and sin just leaves a trail of hurts.

Yeah. I think about your children from various relationships and marriages and your husbands and others. How do you deal with regret? And was it painful to write about those things? Writing my book was not painful. I found it to be the Lord used it as a teaching time. I saw myself in so many different lights. I realized that all those bad decisions or mistakes that I made were actually sin and that I just felt like the thing that I took most from writing my book was a huge dose of humility, that of all the things that I did, and yet God was so loving and kind to me, so faithful to me, that his grace was always greater than my sin.

And I know I say that over and over again, but it's so true that I felt like the Lord used the book to help me grow in my Christian life. One of the main things I wanted to do in the book, some people said, "Boy, you were pretty honest."

And yeah, that came from the Lord showing me the truth. As I relived these things in my mind, I saw them through God's eyes. And I really did learn the truth about myself and about sin and about the choices I made.

And so I wouldn't classify it as being painful. It was humiliating. It was a good dose of humility. And I'm thankful for that. The Lord taught me, "Don't think so highly of yourself, that it's me. It's not you."

And as far as the regrets and disappointments, that's something that I do not live in regret and disappointment. I will not allow myself to go there. The Lord told me he removed my sins as far as the east is from the west, and that's where I'm leaving them.

And I always think about Paul. If anybody could have had regrets, it would have been Paul. He murdered and persecuted Christians in the name of Christ. He thought he was doing right. And I could only imagine that after he was saved, that he must have thought he might have seen he must have seen Stephen's eyes looking at him.

He must have had a lot of but he said, "Forgetting those things which are behind. I'm striving towards the mark." And that's what I do. And the devil does it. He throws these fiery darts at me all the time of things, scenes will come across my mind or thoughts will come across my mind. And I just go, "I'm not going there, Lord." And if I can't get my mind to stop thinking about it, I'll just start singing a song, or I'll just sing, "Jesus loves me," until finally I don't think about it anymore. But I will not allow myself because regrets, disappointments, they're all negative, and they're not fruit of the Spirit. And I don't want any part of them.

That's good. Thank you for that good advice.

I was thinking, too, about, yeah, just what it must have been like for your new church family to realize that you were in your third marriage.

And yeah, your story increases my faith when I reach out to others. Sometimes when I hear that they're remarried and they're happy in their second or third marriage, that's a really hard thing. Tell us what they did right to support you now.

Well, the one thing I know they did right was they prayed for me, and they encouraged me. I think the Lord knew not only was this church a church that would share with me the truth, but it was also a church that they would rally around me, that they would embrace me and encourage me. I knew they wanted me to win. And the day that I after I it took over a year, maybe at least a year, maybe 18 months, for me to actually remove myself from the property that we both lived on. And I go through that in my book. But when I finally finished moving from his house and finished my instruction class, the day that I joined the church as a member, I felt like I'd been part of this body ever since that first day I walked in.

But now it was official. I was a part of the body of Christ in the Salisbury Mennonite Church. And it was such it was like I just felt like I had my family was accepting me into the fold. And it was a beautiful experience. I think the main thing that they did was they prayed for me, and they let me know they were behind me. They wanted me to succeed.

That's beautiful. I know also the bishop at that time, one of the things that I loved about how he helped me was he never gave me a time limit that I had to complete this at a certain time. He told me what my final goal had to be.

And he told me, he said, "Just keep moving forward, Jane, as the Lord leads you. Don't step backwards. Stand still, but don't go backwards." He said, "Wait for the Lord, and he will guide you through this." And it was true. That's exactly what happened.

That's really good advice.

Okay. Well, I do want to open it up for your questions and comments. Like I mentioned before, if you'd like to ask Jane your question yourself, you can turn on your video and unmute yourself and do that. Or if you would be more comfortable, you can just type something into the chat box, and we will read it to her. So does anyone have anything they'd like to share or ask?

Thank you so much for sharing, Jane. I appreciated listening to you.

As I was thinking about your story, there was two things that I was thinking of. One is the Mary all already touched on this, but maybe you have another comment on that. And that is, what were specific ways that the community there played into encouraging you, holding your hands up even though the journey was rough and hard? I'm thinking of how can we, as Christian sisters, come alongside someone in the shoes that you were in, and what are some practical tips that you could give us for that?

Oh, boy. Other than what I've already shared, I will share with you something that I've had people that have read my book that have come to me and asked me for advice about someone they're dealing with. And one of the things I remembered about what my bishop had shared with me, and I told them that to share the truth, but not to push them, to let the Lord lead them. Sometimes I feel like in our desire to help someone, we actually get in God's way.

We're trying to help them the way we think they should be helped. And sometimes we end up getting in God's way. And so I know that one particular lady that I've been dealing with, the church felt like she needed to do this. She needed to do it. And I said, "Just wait. Just pray for her." I know people we have to appreciate the strength of power in this time and of prayer in this time because God, no, we can't nobody could have made me do what I did.

It was God that worked in my heart that gave me the desire. I mean, the last thing I wanted to do was leave this man. And it was only I felt like the Lord was standing in front of me saying, "Who do you love the most, me or him?"

And so I feel like a little bit of gentleness and just letting them pray with them, encourage them, but don't make them feel like, "You've got to do this now. You've got to let the Lord lead them, and we can pray for them."

I know that probably doesn't sound like a list of things that you would want people to do, but I just feel real strongly that my church giving me the space to allow God to work with me and just supporting me with prayer made all the difference in the world.

Thank you for that. Yeah, I think you're right. We, as humans, can tend to get very locked into time. And God just isn't as concerned with time as what we are. And sometimes our journeys are very slow, and the wheel turns very slowly. And sometimes it's faster, and it's okay, and one's not right or wrong. But I like what your bishop told you of just stand still and be willing to take the next step that comes. And so thank you for that. The second part of the question that I was thinking of was, what advice would you have for listeners that may be facing some of the same things that you faced, and it's a hard decision for them, whether it's stepping away from some sins that they're involved in or whether it's something like putting on a head covering and modest clothing and things like that?

What were some things that encouraged you in that process?

Well, one of the things that I feel real strongly about with the Mennonite Church, coming into the Mennonite Church, was I think it makes a huge difference if you come in as a Christian or if you come as a lost person because when I came in, I had come back to the Lord. So when I looked at the doctrinal statements and I looked at their belief statements, and even as I attended the church and saw the different things that they did, I realized that there was nothing scripturally wrong with anything.

So it was just a matter of, "Can I adjust to this kind of lifestyle?" And I remember the ladies in my church were really good about letting me ask questions. We had coffee sometimes, and I would just hit them with a barrage of questions. "Why do you wear a head covering? Why do you wear a cape dress? Why, why, why?" And they were very good about giving me the time and the space to work through this process of making the decision that, "Yes, I can do this."

There was nothing scripturally wrong with anything. It was a different lifestyle. But I figured if I was going to be a follower of Christ, and everything was scriptural and biblical, then it was just a matter of me getting my will in step with, "Can I honor the standards of this church? Can I honor if I want to be a member? Can I support and honor these things?" And I decided that I could.

But I don't think there's any set rules. I don't think it's not one-size-fits-all. Each person is an individual. Each person has had their individual journey. And I think you have to be flexible to let God lead you instead of saying that, "This is the way we should do this, and this is the way we should do that." Every experience is going to be different because every one of us is different. Very few people that come into my church or that my church members had experience with were not like me.

They had not come from the background I did.

Thank you for that. And I liked how you brought in the search for truth. And I think that no matter what background we come from, we need to be committed to God. If you show me something that I'm doing that's contrary to your word and your character, then I will try to change. And I hear you having that commitment. And that is, I think, one of the keys of your story is that you were willing to be faithful on your part, and then God was faithful on his.

And when I came to the Mennonite Church, this truth about divorce and remarriage was different from anything I'd ever learned before. And I was not going to leave this man and end my marriage with him because the Mennonites told me. I wanted God to tell me. And if God told me, then I'd do it. That wasn't a reflection on Mennonites at all. It was just that it was too huge. It was too big. I needed for it to be my conviction, not just a conviction that somebody else had that passed it on to me. No, it had to be I had to believe it in my heart.

Yeah. Thank you for that.

I teach the youth girls Sunday school class sometimes, and I tell them all the time, "You can't get to heaven on your mom and dad's convictions. They have to be yours."

So I've also got a question. Right now, my husband and I, I'm working with a friend. Her first husband divorced her very suddenly, and so she's living with another divorced man. But she's coming to our church for several years now very regularly. She says, "I don't need you to tell me about divorce and remarriage. I know all that." But her friendship with this divorced man seems to be strengthening, and she seems stuck. Is there something we're missing?

Oh, boy. Well, is she born again?

When we asked her that question, she said, "Well, I've always known Jesus protected me because her dad was abusive, and she would go to her bedroom and sing, 'Jesus loves me.'" I do not know if she's actually had the new birth.

I think it's really hard. The whole thing about divorce and remarriage, like I said, was the hardest thing I ever did. And I think it was I almost wonder if you're not born again if you can even see that truth because the world makes it so easy.

This whole thing about divorce and remarriage, it's just layers and layers and layers, three and four times, just my own case too. Now, my first husband did die, but it was just the devil has just piled up the sins on top of the sins to where it's almost impossible to untangle them. And unless you have the Holy Spirit to help you see the truth, I don't know that you can see the truth without him.

So I think sometimes we need to remember before we untangle the divorce and remarriage problem you've got, first, we need to see if you're born again. And if all she says is, "Jesus rescued me" or "Jesus protected me," to me, I need a little bit more than that.

Right. That's what we were wondering. We didn't want to pressure her, and we wanted to give her all the time she needed. And I think what she's saying is she was hurt so badly by her first husband. She knows if she's going to leave this man, she's going to hurt him. She doesn't want to cause hurt.

And so, yeah. One of the things about my story that I go into in the book is that the constant lies and deceitfulness that the devil gives you, he can give you a reason for everything he wants you to do. I mean, even look at Eve.

He gave her the opening to come up with all, "Well, it looks good. It's going to make me wise." So I really do feel like that with people that I think if I were you and I was dealing with her, if I was going to pressure her at all, it would be about salvation that say, "We got to" no, I'm not going to give you I'm not going to talk to you about divorce and remarriage, but I am going to talk to you about your need of Christ as your Savior.

That's sort of the conclusion we came up with because we thought we cannot make the decision for her. And she would be without a home, without a job, without a car if she would leave him. Well, that's where the church would come in to help her, but she seems to be a very cautious person, so she doesn't want to make a decision without having thought everything through.

But you inspired me to just keep on praying and let God do his work in her. Well, I was in my 70s when I came into the truth of divorce and remarriage. My first thought was, "How in the world am I going to support myself?