Principles Regarding Marriage and Singleness

Good morning. We want to extend Christian greetings in the name of Jesus to all who are here. We're really excited to have family and visitors and such with us. You can turn to the book of First Corinthians, and we'll continue our study there.

Chapter 7. I have to admit it's with a little trepidation that I come to this chapter today.

In some ways, it's a difficult passage. There's a lot of things in here that I don't claim to understand fully or completely. But I would like to I sometimes listen to some messages by Alistair Begg. He's a Bible teacher. And one thing that he says is that the plain things are the main things, and the main things are the plain things. And sometimes it's easy to get sort of in the weeds a little bit on things. But I believe, as inspired scripture, that the things that are important are plain enough that we can understand them. Some of the things that we don't understand are maybe of lesser importance.

If you look at this passage just at kind of face value, you might sort of get the impression that Paul didn't really have that great of an opinion or a view of marriage, that somehow it's this kind of lesser thing. And I'm glad that we have other passages, Ephesians chapter 5, which Paul encourages husbands to love their wives, wives to be submissive to their husbands. And it's a picture of Christ in the church.

And so we have that to look back on. And so we have to sort of take that in context as well, that this is not the only thing that Paul wrote about marriage, and that he does not indeed take a low view of marriage.

The other thing that we need to keep in mind is that this passage was written to answer some questions that the Corinthian church had asked him. And unfortunately, we do not have we don't have those questions. So we don't know for sure exactly what that is. We have to infer by some of the things that Paul says. He begins this chapter in verse 1 by saying, "Now, concerning the things which you wrote to me." And so that's one of the things that we have to keep in mind. The other thing is there's a couple phrases I'd like to point out that I think help us to understand this passage as well, that sort of give us the framework or the context in which Paul is writing.

So in the previous chapter, in the last message, as we began our study in the book of First Corinthians, remember we said that Corinthians, the city of Corinth, was an extremely evil city, full of immorality and full of all kinds of corruption, so much so that the phrase "to live like a Corinthian" everyone knew what that meant.

And so that also, I think, affected what Paul had to say here. The three phrases, little phrases I would like to look at, the first one is found in verse 26.

And it says this: "I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress." And it literally means a constraint. It's actually a fairly strong term. It's used elsewhere in scripture, like when Jesus talks about the time when woe to those who give who are giving suck in those days, in the times of persecution.

What was this present distress again? We really don't know. It may have been some local thing. Persecution was already beginning in the church. Stephen had already been martyred. And so was Paul thinking of that? Was there some kind of specific thing going on in the church, a challenge they were facing in Corinth at the time?

We're not 100% sure. But there was a present distress, something that was pretty serious in their minds that was affecting what Paul had to say. The other phrase is in verse 29. It says, "The time is short." So there's a present distress. The time is short. And I don't think I think many of the New Testament writers, just when they thought about the return of Christ and whatever, had in mind something that was going to happen fairly quickly.

Paul had to actually go and warn the Thessalonians in Second Thessalonians sort of a correction because they had by what Paul had said and some of the teaching that was going on, they had assumed that this was going to happen really quickly and that actually they quit working.

And so the time is short. I mean, I think that is still the case. But Paul says here that the time is short. And then the third phrase that I think can help us is in verse 31 where he says, "For the form of this world is passing away."

And so I think really what Paul's getting at here with all of this is the fact of an eternal perspective. In other words, what we see, this world and everything in it is going to be passing away. And that even affects our decisions when it comes to marriage.

Matthew 22, the Sadducees came to Jesus and they said and they gave this hypothetical where this man had there were seven brothers and they kept dying and marrying the same woman. And they said, "Whose wife is she going to be?" And Jesus said, "Well, for in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like the angels of God in heaven." So in eternity, marriage is going to take on a different thing than what we experience here on earth. And we'll come back to that later. But it's with that perspective, with that eternal perspective, that Paul writes this in chapter 7.

Let's read verses 1 to 9.

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

But this I say but I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

If there's a title for the message this morning, it would just be simply "Principles Regarding Marriage and Singleness."

"It's good for a man not to touch a woman." And apparently that was another my understanding is that was another one of those slogans that we've come up with in First Corinthians, such as "All things are lawful. All things are lawful for me." It is a it's sort of a delicate way of saying is talking about the marriage, the marriage relationship, sexual intimacy within the marriage bond.

And that was what the Corinthians that was the saying that was going around. In other words, is it even good to be married at all?

The Corinthians may have come to the conclusion that with all the immorality, all the debauchery that surrounded them, that maybe we should just not be involved in that aspect of life altogether. And throughout history, we've seen people that we've seen people that have taken that approach. I mean, the whole celibacy in the Catholic Church, sort of where did that come from? Well, from the idea somehow that it's more holy somehow to not be involved in that. "No," Paul says. In fact, he says that to withhold intimacy, marital intimacy from one another, is wrong. When two become one, you give up the right. In a sense, you give up the right to your body as your own.

And it no longer belongs to us alone. It belongs partially to our spouse. The wife to the husband, the husband to the wife, equally so. And so then in verse 5, he gives the command. He says, "Do not deprive one another."

Except, he says, by mutual consent so there's two qualifications: by mutual consent and for a time, just for a short time, and for the purpose of fasting and prayer.

Satan would like to have sexual intimacy outside of marriage and then wants to destroy it inside of marriage. And oftentimes when a marriage is in trouble, people are withholding and refraining from intimacy in a way that is not healthy. It's used for manipulation.

And so I think the first question that Paul is addressing here is, "Is it good to be married?" Yes, a resounding yes. In fact, he goes on to say that you can't you should not withhold intimacy in that. Then he says, I guess the next question that he answers is, "Is it right and good to be single?"

And the answer again is yes. He says here that, "I wish that all men were even as myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and one in the other." So Paul talks about singleness as a gift that God gives. And he says each one has their own gift. Some are given and some are given that gift. So I think we've probably all known people. And this can be a kind of delicate subject where they seem to have definitely have a gift that God has given them. They feel secure and satisfied in that gift as a single person and devote their life to serving the Lord. But what about those who would say, "Well, quite frankly, I don't really want the gift and you can have it back?"

The truth of the matter is that most of us desire, I think, to be married. And so what about unwanted singleness? And I thought I would just diverge just a little bit here to maybe give some encouragement and just talk about it a little bit. To desire to be married is not a wrong thing. It's not a wrong desire.

I read an article by someone called Austin Thomas who was he was just a young man who spent the early part of his life as a single. And he talked about the counsel that he received from well-meaning people.

And one of the things that people say is, "You have to be learn to be content in your singleness." And he said, "Well, there's a certain amount of truth in that. I mean, we do. But the fact of the matter is that man being alone was the very first thing in the scripture that God said it's not good. It's not good that man should be alone." And his solution to that was marriage.

Additionally, Paul's counsel for those who were burning with passion was not contentment, but he said, "You should be you should get married." And so again, I just want to emphasize that it's not wrong. That desire, I think, is a God-given desire and it's not wrong at all to desire that.

And I had to think I don't know where I've I haven't if I've thought it through enough. But would there be marriage was designed pre-fall. And would there be unwanted singleness without how sin has messed up our world and the things we go through? I don't know for sure.

But the other thing that people say when they're counseling someone who may be in this position is that, "Well, maybe you're setting the bar too high. Maybe you're setting the bar too high." Or they'll say things like, "Physical attraction is not that important." And again, there's truth in all that.

But he shared in this article what he found to be encouraging in his singleness. The first thing is that you can be effective for the kingdom of God without ever marrying. And Jesus Himself was the embodiment of that. He was never married.

And our hope is in Christ, not in marriage. And again, we go back to this whole thing where our Christian life is not defined by whether we're married or not. That's part as Jesus said, that's part of this life. And so in a sense, we're not defined by whether we're as far as our Christian experience by whether we're married or not. The second thing that he said that he found helpful is that just to remember that God is faithful in keeping His promises.

Look to God and His promises more than you look to your circumstances in a broken world. And so just remember, God is faithful in keeping His promises. Pray, pour out your heart to God, pour out your desires, just give it to Him. And cultivate your personal spiritual disciplines.

And he said it's easy when you're in a situation where you feel like you wonder why to become lax in your spiritual disciplines and use that as an excuse for sort of a stagnation. And he was encouraged to be the kind of person that blesses God and would be a blessing if God ever brought a spouse into my life, that you would be the kind of person that have already been cultivating those desires and those character qualities so that you can be a blessing. And then resist the urge to take control of your own life by attempting to reach your desired destination on your own wisdom instead of His.

And Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still." And another way of reading that would be to cease striving and know that I am God. And I remember a case here years ago in our congregation, a young lady who tended here some, and she was desperate to be married. And she made the comment that she was looking to marry someone who was not a good situation. And she said, "Well, if I could just have one child, it would be worth it all." And so she went and took her own way. And it ended up pretty much a disaster.

So resist the urge to take control of your life by attempting to reach your destination on your own. But I do want to I just want to acknowledge that the difficulty that those who find themselves in this state, the difficulty that it is. And yet I want to encourage you that in Paul's mind, it was a good thing. And so may God give you grace in that.

Let's read verses 10 to 16. He says, "Now to the married, I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband; but even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband; and a husband is not to divorce his wife. But to the rest, I not the Lord say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her; and a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases; but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?"

I think in verses 10 and 11, we have a summary of how Jesus viewed marriage.

He says and Paul makes a case of this here. And I think a lot of people get maybe overly torn up about this thing of, "Well, I say this and Jesus said this and this is me and so on." And I think Paul is simply making it clear here that in what he's about to say, that Jesus Himself spoke very directly and clearly to this.

Some of the other things Jesus never talked about in that maybe in the specificity. And so Paul was attempting to do that to the best of his ability. But this is what Jesus said: "A wife is not to depart from her husband; but even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband; and a husband is not to divorce his wife." So we can look at that as a statement and say that is a summary statement sort of in a way of Jesus's view on the whole thing.

A wife is not to depart; but even if she does depart, she needs to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband; and a husband is not to divorce his wife. That's Jesus that was Jesus's view.

And then he goes on to say, "But I say to the rest, not I, the Lord say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe." So we get kind of into what I call kind of the nitty-gritty, sort of the nitty-gritty of some of these relationships that are broken and marred by sin. So one of the things that the questions that seems to be on the Corinthians' minds is, "So if I have if I'm a believer and I'm married to an unbeliever and we have children, how does that work out? Are my children unclean somehow or unholy or impure?"

And Paul says, "No. No, your children are not

impure because of that." In fact, he says that the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. So there's this sanctifying sort of a sanctifying influence that can be there as the believer remains faithful in the situation. And it says if they're willing to live with each other, by all means, Paul says, live together. And the children that are a result of that are not unclean, but they're it says they're holy.

But he says, "If the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases." And people use this as one of the grounds for remarriage then say, "Well, okay, so if it's an unbeliever, that unbeliever departs, now you're no longer in bondage to that." But I would just take you right back up to verse 10 and 11, what Jesus said. And he says, "If that happens, they're to remain unmarried or else be reconciled to their partner." So that's in no way is a grounds for remarriage.

But it has a sanctifying influence on the whole relationship. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? So we don't know what kind of an effect that we can have in a relationship like that.

I'd like to read now verses 17 to 24. And we're just going through this as it comes and trying to understand what God has for us. Verse 17, he says, "But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches: Was anyone called while circumcised, let him not become uncircumcised. Was anyone called while uncircumcised, let him not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing; but keeping the commandments of God is what matters. Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. Were you called while a slave, do not be concerned about it; but if you can be made free, rather use it.

For he was called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord's freedman. Likewise, he was called while free is Christ's slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. Brethren, let each one remain with God in the state in which he was called."

And I would sort of just title this little section, "Bloom where you're planted." "Bloom where you're planted." I think what Paul's trying to say here, first of all, verse 19 I think is the key: keeping the commandments of God is what matters. So that's the important part.

Don't waste your energy trying to change your circumstances.

There's sort of a leveling out he talks about in verse 22. "For he who is called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord's freedman; likewise, he who is called while free is Christ's slave." Galatians 3:26-28 says, "For you are all sons of God through faith in Jesus Christ. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ, there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Jesus Christ." And so I think that's sort of the heart of what Paul's trying to address here is he's trying to say that don't spend your energy trying to change your circumstances in which you were called or which you were born.

Don't chomp at the bit, so to speak. We have all seen horses out there that they're just sitting there pawning and they're foaming and frothing because they don't like the circumstances that they're in. And Paul is saying don't be that way.

Have the learn to be content.

Just as because in Christ's kingdom, there is no male or female. Those distinctions are done away with. And a lot of people sometimes people use this passage to justify sort of staying in a bad situation. In other words, homosexuality. "Well, I was homosexual when I was called, and so therefore I'm going to stay." People do all kinds of strange things with this passage. We're not talking about remaining in sin.

Because he says that remember one of the key verses that keeping the commandments of God is the principal thing. And so if you were called in a way that was wrong, you were a soldier that was involved in taking other people's lives or you were involved in homosexuality or the wrong kind of employment or so on, remember that he says keeping the commandments of God is what matters. And so let's not use passages like this to justify remaining in some kind of a bad, sinful state.

So "Bloom where you're planted." Just simply be faithful. We talked about faithfulness this morning. Don't try to spend your energy, all your energy trying to change your circumstances. He talks about the slave. He says, "Hey, if you can be free, use it.

But if not, try not to be overly consumed by that." Now let's go ahead and read verses 25 to 35. "Now concerning virgins, I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in his mercy has made trustworthy. I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loose from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless, such will have trouble in the flesh; but I would spare you.

But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, and those who use this world as not misusing it; for the form of this world is passing away. But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but he who is married cares about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin.

The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, that you may serve the Lord without distraction.

But if any man thinks he is behaving it" I'm sorry, I'll stop right there at verse 35. So I've put this under the heading, "Serve the Lord without distraction." And I think if we cut through everything, that's what Paul is the heart of what Paul's getting at is my goal and my desire for you all is that you serve God without distraction.

And we go back to this eternal perspective.

So what does he mean here when he says those that have wives as though they had none? Is he saying just pretend like you're not married now and just ignore? Well, that flies right in the face of what he started out the chapter with by saying we're not to neglect each other.

But I think what he's really getting at is a little bit what Jesus said in Luke 14, verses 26 and 27: "If any man comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, in his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not bear his cross and come after me cannot be my disciple." And I believe that's the principle that Paul is getting at here.

When we have an eternal perspective on life, it affects every decision that I make. It affects the relationship that I have with my wife. It affects what I weep about and what I laugh about and what I'm happy about. It affects my buying and my possessions.

And he talks about that, those who buy as though they did not possess and those who use this world as not misusing it. And it affects our decisions concerning marriage too. So when I think what Paul's saying is my desire for you all is that you serve the Lord without distraction.

And I want you to have this eternal perspective that the world's passing away, the time is short, we're in a present distress here. Now that should affect the decisions that we make then when it comes to marriage and so on.

And he says in verse 32 through 35, there's a layer of responsibility and care that marriage brings. And we need to be realistic about that. That is indeed the truth, that with marriage comes responsibilities. There come it sort of changes our perspective on things.

And there's a level of distraction that that brings about. In times of persecution, I think about this, if times of persecution, one of the things that the persecutors often do is try to touch the family. "Well, I'm going to" many people maybe can remain faithful on their own, but when they say, "If you don't do what I say, I'm going to come and I'm going to take it out on your children. I'm going to hurt your children. I'm going to hurt your wife."

That brings about a tremendous amount of pressure. And I think Paul, if I'm just thinking a little bit how Paul might be thinking about all this persecution, he wants them to serve God without distractions. And he's thinking about all the things that marriage realistically bring into the picture. And I think that's and he says here that there's a difference between a wife and a virgin.

The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but she who is married cares about the things of the world. That's just the reality of the fact.

And so and this is why I think Paul holds up singleness as being the ideal way to go. Because in his mind and his heart's desire is that we would serve the Lord without distraction. And so Paul's looking at it and saying in his thinking it's actually better to not have that. But then he says in verse 35, "I'm not trying to put a leash on you. I'm not trying to restrict you, but I want you to serve the Lord without distraction." So that's Paul's heart with whatever he shares here.

And then verses 36 through 38, there's much, much ink spilled on this little passage here. And I'll be the first to admit that I do not quite understand exactly what he's talking about here. "But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she has passed the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin. Let them marry. Nevertheless, he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity but has power over his own will, and is so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin does well. So then he who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better."

There's sort of two ways of thinking about this, two interpretations. The one interpretation is that this is talking about engaged couples, someone that's betrothed; they're engaged to each other. If you read down over there, there's things in there that don't quite jive with that.

The other interpretation is that this is talking about fathers and their daughters and the arranged marriages.

There were cultural practices that are very strange to our ears. But sometimes in particular cultures, these marriage arrangements were made way early when the daughter was maybe 10, 11 years old or younger. And so they had to wait until that time came when they would give that over. And yet when you read down through there, there's things about that that don't quite make sense either.

And so I think there's probably some cultural practices here that we don't quite understand. But the main things are the plain things. The plain things are the main things. What is really what Paul's when you cut through it all, what's he saying? It's not a sin if they remain single. It's not a sin if they marry in the particular case. Either way, he says that in his opinion, it's better to not be married.

So I'll let it at that. I don't claim to understand all that. But I think we can understand what he's saying here is that it's not a sin either way.

It's not a sin to marry. You do well. It's not a sin not to marry.

And then he ends this passage with some instructions for widows. He says that a wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment, and I think I also have the Spirit of the Lord.

It's interesting here that one of the instructions he gives that he says it's okay for her to be married, but only in the Lord. And there is a temptation, I think, in loneliness maybe to lower those standards. "I'm lonely," and lower those standards. And Paul is saying if and indeed you are remarried, remember that it needs to be in the Lord.

And he says that in his opinion, she's happier. And I think he says it's in his opinion. So we'll let it at that. It's his opinion. And he thinks that he has the Spirit of God. So what are we to take what are we to take out of all this? As I looked down through it, one of the I guess the two takeaways that I had is do I believe that godliness with contentment is great gain, as it says in 1 Timothy? Am I content to fill the little space into which I have been called, or am I consumed by trying to change my circumstances?

Do I bloom where I'm planted? Am I known as a content kind of a person? And then secondly, do I make every decision, whether regarding marriage, family, finances, in light of eternity, in light of the fact that this world is passing away, in light of the fact that the time is short? And that was a challenge to me as I looked over this. That will affect every decision in our life. And I think he's calling us to that, to keep that eternal perspective in view.

And the practical things of marriage and the decisions that we make fall into that, under that umbrella as we look at all this. So again, hopefully it was there was something to be gained by our study this morning. And we'll continue to work our way through the book of 1 Corinthians. Does anyone have any comments or corrections on the message?