I Was the Result of Abuse. God Gave Me Purpose and Helped Me Forgive - Grant Bontrager

I would ask Jesus a question and He would respond with a thought or a picture in my mind. So I'm here for a purpose. And I asked Him, "So what is that purpose?" And He said, "So I could be glorified through a bad situation."

So then, you know, I asked Him, "When I was in the hospital, when I was born, were you there?" He said, "Yes." Then He gave me a picture of Him holding me there in the hospital. It was such a beautiful picture. But, you know, the question I always had for Jesus was why.

Why didn't He protect my mom when she was being violated? So I asked Him, "When my mom was being raped, were you there?" And He said, "Yes."

I asked Him, "What were you doing?" He said, "I was crying."

Well, Grant Bontrager, welcome to the podcast. We're out here in Kansas. I have some family out here and they connected me with you saying we should capture your story. And actually, it's published in a book last year. But it's your story, so I'm not going to do much of an introduction, but rather just say start us at the beginning. How does your story start? So my story actually begins back in about the mid-1960s or so, late '50s possibly. Um, so my grandparents got married and their first daughter was born about 10 months later or something like that. And they her name was Lynette. They realized pretty quickly that something was not right with her. And so they did some doctoring and things like that and became to realize they were told by the doctors that she was mentally handicapped and that she would never she would always be their little girl.

She was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, but yeah, there's varying levels of severity, but she had a really, really bad. She was functioning around three to six months of age her whole life. Several more children were born, two girls and two boys, I believe.

And then another daughter was born to them. Her name was Faith and she they discovered had the same condition that Lynette did. So obviously they were it was a real disappointment for them, but they chose to believe that God would care for them and provide for their needs. Grandpa was working full-time in a factory and then he farmed on the side. So he'd get home from work, you know, after a long hard day and then he'd go farm yet on the side.

And he'd get in the house and the girls were crying. And they cried all night long basically for a number of years. And it finally got to the point where something had to change and they didn't know what to do. They were desperate for something.

So they ended up searching around and they heard about a hospital down in Winfield. It's about a two-hour drive from their place that would care for they cared for children and adults who were with mental disabilities. So they went down there to check it out and liked what they saw.

So they ended up they ended up putting the girls in the hospital down there. That was a very, very difficult thing for them to do because it, you know, it felt to them like they were giving they were giving their girls up basically.

The children faced a lot of struggles growing up, going to public school and just a lot of, I don't know, they kind of got bullied a little bit because of their siblings and that kind of thing. It was really tough for them. So they ended up moving about 20 minutes or so west of the community they were living in down to Arlington, which is, yeah, it's now where I live and a lot of other people do. So it's not as far out of the community as what some people thought, think at least. So they, um, yeah, they had a lot of struggles in their life, just, you know, asking God why, you know, why us?

Why did we have to be the ones that had these girls who are handicapped? And just, yeah, the struggles that they faced was just very few people had the life experience that they did. So life went on about 25 years or so after they put the girls in the home. The rest of the children, they got married, starting to have children of their own.

They got a phone call one afternoon from the president of this hospital and all he said was that there was kind of an emergency situation that had come up with one of the girls and they were coming out to their place to have a meeting.

And they were suspicious that something was up because Faith had not been herself the last number of months. And so they, yeah, they were concerned that something was going on. Well, they got out there and they sat down at the kitchen table. It was the president of the hospital and the head nurse.

And they told them that Faith was six months pregnant. So it's obvious what had happened. She had been raped by a nurse and they were obviously very, very apologetic about what had happened. But he said the president said that it's a very high-risk situation and he recommended an abortion.

They obviously were very discouraged, devastated by that, but they chose to believe that God could somehow, if He chose, redeem this situation. And they had no idea how God would ever do that, but they chose to believe that God could. And yeah, the president had recommended an abortion and they just, yeah, they said that abortion is not an option regardless of the circumstances.

So at that first meeting, the president said that they were going to planning to do DNA testing on all the nurses there just to find out who had done this. So my biological dad, he knew there was no way he'd get by with it. So he ended up turning himself in and he was charged with one count of rape and he served one month short of 10 years in prison.

Those were very difficult years for him. He was 21 years old when he went in. There's a, yeah, if you know anything about prison, there's kind of a pecking order in there, you know, and those guys are kind of at the bottom.

So he, yeah, he got moved around a lot just because of the violence that he received. 10 years, I mean, that's a long time. And that's like the prime years of your life. That's the prime years of your life.

The family, they obviously had this child coming along and they, yeah, they weren't quite sure what to do, but they, yeah, they talked about it as a family. And my uncle Lavon and his wife, Mamie, they only had two children of their own and they were unable to have more. So they, yeah, they chose to they said that they would adopt me. It was pretty hard for her dad, Lavon, to, I guess, accept the idea of taking care of a handicapped child, the potential for it, because they had no idea what would what would what the case would be. But he told mom that, you know, if there's anything that he could ever do for Faith, it would be to take care of her child.

So they, yeah, they chose to adopt me. So I was born about two months after they found out. Two months. It was in the two months. The family didn't have a lot of time to adjust to this. They did not. That must have been a roller coaster of the situation. It was a roller coaster. Yes, it was. Yeah, there was a nurse who was kind of assigned to Faith after everything came out.

And the news media got a hold of the story because it's obviously something you don't hear about a lot. Yeah. So there was it was in all the local newspapers and stuff. And I think one of grandma's cousins even saw it on TV out in Oregon or something like that. So it was big news.

So she went into labor and there were a lot of doctors who would not even touch this. They wouldn't touch the case because they said it's too high risk. Wow. But there was a, yeah, there was a doctor who said, well, you know, there's Asian ladies who are not much bigger than what she is having children of, you know, and they're just fine because she only weighed 60 pounds when she got pregnant.

So, yeah, it was, yeah, like he said, it was a very it was a very high risk. Yeah. He chose to take the case. He said, we'll let nature take its course and we'll do a C-section if we have to.

I was born about two months later. I was actually born naturally. That in and of itself is a miracle because they were, yeah, they were very concerned that I wasn't getting the nutrients that I needed because everything that she ate went through a straw.

So, you know, there's not a lot of nutrients in shakes, I guess. There is nowadays, probably, but back then there probably wasn't. So, yeah, there was it was big news back in the day. And so they called for the they called for the ambulance to take her to the hospital. They opened up the doors of the hospital and there's a whole group of news reporters there. And this nurse, she pushes them back until they got her loaded up and they asked her, you know, which hospital are you going to? And she said, St. Francis, which is some hard hospital in Wichita.

So they all jumped in their cars and they go rowing off to St. Francis. And she jumped in the ambulance and she said, get to Wesley as fast as you can, which Wesley Medical Center is the kind of the regional NIC unit has the NIC unit in it. So I only weighed I only weighed three pounds and six ounces when I was born. Whoa. Yeah.

I was in there for a little while. I mean, what a yeah, this is just a wild story. I mean, I can't I just can't imagine what this would have been like for your family to go through something like this. I mean, like media being involved in all this I mean, it would have been so scary to know. I mean, the hospital from the very beginning of it all, they were very careful to keep the Bontrager's name out of it just for privacy's sake, basically. The hospital actually shut down about a year or so after I was born. Oh. Um, there were, I guess, the conditions had gotten really, really, really bad. And I guess my case was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back, if you will.

So, yeah, I was adopted at birth by my aunt and uncle. And growing up, I, yeah, I always knew for as far back as I can remember, I always knew that Faith was my mom. You know, I knew I was adopted, that she was my mom and that my situation was just very different from most other kids or about anybody else for that matter. Yeah. So, yeah, I was just, you know, and as a five, six-year-old boy, knowing that your mom is not like other normal people, just really, you know, I began having a lot of questions, you know, like, why is my mom the way she is? Yeah, where was God? Why would God allow this to happen?

Because I felt like God had just kind of brought me here and kind of dropped me here on this earth. And, you know, when I was five, six years old, I thought I was like the missing link or something because I was just this oddball, you know? It's like you don't fit in anywhere. Yeah, I didn't know where I fit in. I faced, yeah, I struggled a lot with just abandonment. And it wasn't because I had a bad home life. It was just because I had all these questions about, you know, who is my mom? You know, or, you know, why is my mom the way she is? Who is my dad? You know, where did he go?

Why can't I see him? You know, just all these different questions. But yet I knew just I knew just enough about the situation to know that it was very, very difficult for my grandparents, for mom and dad, for the aunts and uncles to talk about. So I just I kept everything inside because I didn't want to bring it up and cause them more hurt.

So I just kept all these questions and everything inside. But, you know, to the rest of the world, I was trying to live my life as smoothly as I could so that nobody would really know what I'm actually struggling with. So feeling like alone and isolated yet pretending like that's not the case, basically. Got to make it look like everything's all right, you know? And there's so many people today that do that as well and it doesn't work. So facing a lot of struggles early on in life and not knowing where to go with these, you know, where to go for answers. So I, uh, yeah, gave my life to Christ when I was eight.

Really good experience for me. But I still just struggled with all these different questions, you know. Why am I here? Why was I created? Yeah, just lots of deep, deep questions that I had no idea what either answers for. So going on, when I was 12, Dad took me aside one morning and he told me the story.

Um, he was never the kind of guy to get very emotional, but he got extremely emotional that morning. And he told me the story about, you know, of how I came to be. And, you know, as a 12-year-old boy, he's already struggling with just identity questions. Who am I? Why am I here? Finding out all those more all those new details was almost overwhelming at the time. You know, I'm really glad he did. But at the time, it was almost overwhelming because I had so much more information to process. And yet I felt like I had nowhere to go for answers.

So, you know, and they had always told me, you know, you know, if you ever need to talk, you know, we're here. And I was like, I just I just wasn't ready for that. And I, you know, I wanted I wanted answers, but I didn't know where to go, where I felt safe.

So, yeah, my early my early teen years were I really, really struggled with just lots of bitterness towards God, asking God why I was brought into this situation, so many questions and hurt. You know, those questions, when you don't have answers for them, they just hurt really bad.

Um, and not, yeah, not knowing where to go for help. And, you know, I wanted help so bad, but I didn't know where to go. So when I was 15, I joined the church. I was baptized. Really, really good experience for me. But I still, you know, deep down, I had all this all these questions and all this hurt from, you know, that little six-year-old boy and not, you know, not knowing where to go with not knowing where to go for my answers.

When I was 17, a friend of a friend of mine was killed in a motorcycle accident. Um, yeah, just couldn't understand what God was doing. Why would God why would God choose to take her? You know, she was 16 years old, beautiful young girl, had her whole life ahead of her. And I just couldn't understand, you know, what God was doing.

And, yeah, you know, I began running from my pain earlier, you know, in my early teen years, trying to find something to drown out this hurt and this pain. You know, my Band-Aid, if you want to call it that, was, you know, sexual immorality, masturbation, that kind of thing. Just something something to drown out this hurt and this pain.

So, you know, I kept I did the only thing that I needed to do, and that was run from my pain, you know, after after her death. And, yeah, I I got to the point in my life where I was ready to leave home because I I had so much hurt, so much baggage, and I was desperate for help, and I didn't know where to go. But I think the only thing that kept me from leaving home was I knew how badly it would hurt mom and dad.

And so I didn't I just I stayed at home, but I was struggling so bad. So thankfully, mom and dad came to realize that I was really struggling with some things. They didn't know what they didn't know what all, but they knew that I was really dealing with some hurt from somewhere.

So they sent me to counseling with a local couple here in our area. They use John Regere's teaching, Caring for the Heart, which is, yeah, it's exactly what I needed because my heart had been hurt so badly for so long with all these questions and all these different things that I was struggling with. I would go every night just absolutely terrified because I didn't know what to expect, you know, like what's going to happen when I get there. You know, I remember wow I remember thinking, you know, I got to go for counseling because, you know, counseling's for messed up people, you know, and I'm the only one that's messed up. Well, in reality, we're all a little bit messed up, you know?

So they were yeah, it was a sweet older couple, just the nicest people you could ever ever ask for for counselors. And they yeah, they were very patient with me as I struggled through those early years. You know, I went back I basically went through and I told them my story as I knew it.

And, you know, and a lot of the things that I was struggling with, I didn't even really realize because I was so busy just running from my hurt and my pain. Was a lot of it at that point just simply trying to find a language to describe what's going on inside, what you had experienced.

Yeah, even it seems like one of the threads going through this story, too, is this feeling like, oh, it's all just one big accident, you know? I mean, that friend getting killed, your existence, et cetera. I don't want to speak words into your experience, but does that resonate? Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. You know, I felt like I felt like life was all just a big accident, you know? I was like, there's no way that God could ever possibly have a plan for my life or use my story in any way, you know?

So, you know, I struggled. They were very patient with me, my counselors, as I, you know, as I struggled through this as I struggled through my story. I basically told them my story as I knew it. And then, you know, it took several sessions of just slogging through this, but we finally got all those all those questions out that I had had as a child. You know, why am I here? Why was I created?

Where was God? You know, we got all those questions out, you know, out in the open. And then we went we went to Jesus, the ultimate healer, in a prayer. So, you know, this this was a prayer like I had never experienced before up to that point. You know, I always thought of God as this, you know, the big man upstairs or whatever, if you will, you know, just this big God that hovers over us, you know? But I realized that God has a very tender heart, and He's always there for us. So, yeah, and then so we went through and got out all these questions and this hurt.

And then the counselor led me in a prayer. And we went back. We went to Jesus as that little six-year-old boy and just sat on His lap. And I just asked Him some questions. And, you know, I don't I don't remember all that prayer, mainly because I was trying too hard. But it was the most yeah, it was the most amazing experience I'd ever had in my life. You know, I don't remember all the prayer, but I remember I asked Jesus, why am I here?

And His response was, for a purpose. I would ask Jesus a question, and He would respond with a thought or a picture in my mind. So I'm here for a purpose. And I asked Him, so what is that purpose?

And He said, so I could be glorified through a bad situation.

You know, I was like, okay, how is God ever going to glorify Himself through this, you know? So then, you know, I asked Him, when I was in the hospital, when I was born, were you there? He said, yes. Then He gave me a picture of Him holding me there in the hospital. It was such a beautiful picture just to know that He was there in that moment. But, you know, the question I always had for Jesus was, why?

Why didn't He protect my mom when she was being violated? So I asked Him, when my mom was being raped, were you there? And He said, yes.

I asked Him, what were you doing?

He said, I was crying.

I asked Him, why didn't you stop Him? He said, because I have a plan and a purpose for your life.

I said, what is that plan? What is that purpose? He said, I want you to go to prisons and churches and share your story. And, you know, I've often wondered, you know, why prisons and why churches? You know, I believe that's where God brings people to slow us down enough to help us identify those questions and that those hurts that we have in our lives and, you know, to help us process and deal with those with those questions.

But, you know, yeah, at the end of the prayer, I just the counselor asked me if there was anything else I had for Jesus. And I just I just thanked Him for saving me and for creating me for a purpose.

And I just I said, God, I'm yours. You know, take me wherever whatever you want to use me for, go for it. I'm here. Little did I know the journey that God would lead me on from there. You know, several months later, I was having my devotions one evening, just still trying to process some of these things that I'd gone through, you know, in counseling and the answers that I'd gotten.

And, you know, I had just turned 19 when I went through counseling. You know, here I was, 19 years old, and God had just called me to go out and share my story. And I, you know, it seemed huge. It seemed huge to me. Like, dude, I'm just a kid. What am you know, what am I doing? What am I doing? Before asking all these questions and being like, oh, this is just an accident, like, where is God in this? And now it's flipping around to saying, go take that story to others, essentially. Yeah, that's a reversal, I guess you could say, you know? Big tone. Yeah, big tone. In a way, did that feel disorienting, or was it more overwhelming, perhaps?

It was kind of overwhelming at the time, you know, when I first got started in it or whatever. But, you know, as time goes on, you know, it's still hard to do, but I find healing in it. And when I see how God uses the story to help others face the hurts and the pain in their lives, it makes it worth it. It really does.

But, yeah, you know, I was struggling with all these questions and the answers that I had received. And I just cried out to God. I said, God, I don't know how I could do this. I mean, who's going to support me in my ministry? You know, like, I'm just this kid. You know, who's going to support me in my ministry?

Well, God came back with the biggest answer He could. He said, all of heaven is behind you, cheering you on. You know, I know many people who have gone on before, but, you know, I think especially of the millions of children who were never given a chance, the ones who were aborted.

You know, I can go out and I can be their voice to share with the world God does have a plan for each person, regardless of their conception or their circumstances. I've had the opportunity several times to share at pregnancy care centers, and those are always very special times.

So when I was 21, I went to Bible school in Arkansas.

And, yeah, I was signed up for three weeks. I came home after two weeks because of Dad's health. He was struggling with cancer. And, yeah, it didn't look good going down, and I knew I might have to come home early. So, yeah, the one night we were it was before the evening service.

I was yeah, I'd never shared my story anywhere before. And I prayed. I'm like, okay, God, I'm here in Bible school. You know, I'm really in the Word. You know, give me a verse or a passage of Scripture that I can use for when I go out and share my story.

And that night, the man who was preaching, he read from Jeremiah, Jeremiah chapter 1 and verses 5 through 10. I'm going to read them here. It says, Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I sanctified you. I ordained you a prophet to the nations.

Then said I, Ah, Lord God, behold, I cannot speak, for I am a youth. But the Lord said to me, Do not say I am a youth, for you shall go to all to whom I send you, and whatever I command you, you shall speak.

Do not be afraid of their faces, for I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord. Then the Lord put forth his hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, Behold, I have put my words in your mouth. See, I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out and to pull down, to destroy and to throw down, to build and to plant.

I mean, I thought I fell out of my chair when he read those when he read those verses. Just wow that yeah, God had a plan way back then. And, you know, in some ways, you know, I've you know often questioned why God would allow me to be the one that has to go through all this.

But at the same time, it's like, I don't know, is it an honor? I'm not sure if it's an honor or not, you know, because of all the struggles I've been through. But yet God God chose me, you know, of all the people. And I'm like, you know, why you know why me?

But God has God has his plan. So, yeah, like I said, Dad was struggling with cancer for a number of number of years. So he I ended up going home early from Bible school. And he, yeah, he ended up passing away about a month after I got home.

And that was a really difficult time for us as a family. But we yeah, we know where he's at. That that makes it easier. So, yeah, it was it was around the time of his death that I I decided I wanted to I wanted to try to find my biological dad.

Now, I knew he'd been in prison, and I knew he'd gotten out. And that was pretty much the extent of it. But I had a coworker who I just had who I heard that he had been in prison with him. He was an older guy.

And, yeah, heard he'd been in prison with him. And so one day we happened to be working on this project together. And I asked him if he knows my dad. And, oh, yeah, I know him very well. Yeah, we're friends on Facebook. I got his phone number and everything. He's like, you know, if you guys ever want to meet, just let me know. I'll be I'll be glad to arrange a meeting. We can meet at my place. And so there was my avenue to find him. But it took about a year for me to get up the courage to do it. Oh, that must have been hard. It was it was hard. It was really, really hard.

So, yeah, I had talked to all the aunts and uncles and grandpas about it and mom. And, yeah, they were they were all good with me doing it. They were it was pretty hard for the for a lot of them to, I guess, to face the idea of me going out and trying to find him. I think the biggest thing for them was making sure that I would not completely fall apart when I do find him. But I had a very I mean, I had a very stable home. And, you know, I think one thing that helped me a lot was, you know, my my cousins were actually my cousins, which which made it a lot easier for me.

So they were good with me. They were good with me going out to find him. So about a year later, it was a Thursday morning. I was on my way to work. And I'm like, okay, God, this is really supposed to happen. Have Dale, my coworker, and I meet in private.

So went on to work, didn't think nothing of it. And first break came. We were all walking up to the break room. And here came Dale, my coworker, walking through the shop. And I said, oh, great. So stopped him, and we started visiting a little bit, and everybody kind of left.

And I said, hey, I'm as far as meeting my dad, and I'm I'm I feel like I'm ready to do to do that whenever whenever it works for you.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy. So I was like, well, let's just do it. So I yeah, he was all excited. Oh, yeah, let's I'll I'll I'll see what I can do. So, you know, I figured it'd be a couple of weeks before he gets back with me. And he came back about 45 minutes later. He's like, yeah, well, Saturday at 2:00 work.

Whoa. Whoa. I about had a heart attack on the spot. Oh, my. So uh I cannot imagine what that must have been like for you to go through that process. Oh, and and for the family too. Like, you know, this is it's it's just a lot to wrestle through, you know? I mean, there's so much history, you know, there. Wow. Right. So what did you say? Saturday at 2:00, huh? I said, well, um, uh yeah. I mean, I don't know why not.

So uh I was like, yeah, let's let's do this thing, you know, get it over with. So um Saturday came. I mean, I was I was an emotional wreck for two days. I mean, one minute I was just fine and dandy. The next I was totally freaking out.

So um Saturday came, and I went and drove up to Dale's place. And, you know, the one thing I was always concerned about was like, you know, what if, you know, I get up behind him going down the road or something and have to have this really awkward moment, you know, getting out of the cars at the same time or something. And I remember I pulled up. I was getting ready to turn off the highway, and there was a little blue van. And I'm like, oh, that better not be him because I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this. But it wasn't, thankfully. So we um I went up there and and went into the house there at Dale's place.

And he was in there with his wife. And I shook his hand and met him there for the first time. And I just I just had a peace come over me like I've never felt before. It was just it felt to me like, you know, that piece of my puzzle was in place. You know, I knew I now knew I now knew who he was, and he knew who I was. Was it kind of I don't know if closure is the right word, but was it almost like an open loop that got completed? Yeah, it was. It was. Um You know, and I never never had at any time have I felt like deeply connected to him at all.

Like, I would consider him more as like a friend versus an actual parent. So, yeah, we had a really good meeting um first time. We just kind of getting chatting, getting to know getting to know each other. And uh when we when we met there that first time, I asked him I asked him if he'd be willing to meet any of the rest of the family. Um Grandpas and some of the aunts and uncles had expressed interest in meeting him some time. He uh he said he'd be willing to meet whoever wants to. So several months later, we had a family reunion in our area. And all the aunts and uncles, except for my uncle Myron, who lives here locally, he had to work for some reason.

They they have since met. But we were all able to go meet there at Dale's place. And uh that was that was probably the most intense meeting that I've ever been a part of. Yeah, I can imagine. I mean, that must have just been I don't I don't even know how your brain can get around something like that, you know? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's just Mm - hmm I can't even think of words for some things. For me, you know, meeting him the first time and whatever was like, you know he had never really done anything to me, so I'd never really felt any kind of animosity towards him. Right. But it was it was an incredibly intense meeting.

Yeah. But it was also probably the most beautiful meeting I've ever been at. Um I remember my aunt, Marilyn, just bawling. She tells him that she forgives him for what he did. And that that spoke to him so strongly because for many years, he struggled just to forgive himself for what he did.

Um And to have his victim's family tell him that they forgive him just really, really meant a lot to him.

That couldn't have been easy to do. It was it was not. It was not easy at all. So, yeah, we met there and um had had some really good times just being there together. So in um June of 2015, he texts me one afternoon and um said that he and his wife had become Christians.

He had he had given his life to Christ while he was in prison. Um He had written Grandpa's a letter of apology. It was through the Offender Victims Ministry. And, uh yeah, he had written them a letter of apology. And they had received that letter right over the time that Regina, the youngest one, passed away. It was a very, very difficult for them. Very difficult time. Yeah, it took Grandma, I think, two years. She she wrote him the letter and forgave him for what he did. Wow. That spoke to him so strongly that he actually gave his life to Christ because of it.

Um But he, uh then him and his wife started going to church. And his pastor had come to visit them. And he had he had given his life rededicated his life to Christ. And his wife had become a Christian at that meeting.

And in the text, he said that that the next thing other than Bible study was to be baptized. Hmm And he said that the next time they were doing baptisms was I was about a month away or so.

And he wondered if I'd be willing to come up and be there for the baptism. Yeah, I said, sure, I'd be glad to do that. Mm - hmm About a week before the baptism, he texts me again. And he said that he had been visiting with his pastor about it. And his pastor had told him that if there's anybody he'd like to have help baptized him, well, that would be okay. And he wondered if I'd be willing to to help.

And I said, yeah, sure, I'd be glad to do that. No way. So, yeah. Whoa. So this was uh this was not your typical Mennonite or Anabaptist baptism that we're used to. Okay. This was a uh this was a baptism at the talent pool with a swimming party and ice cream social afterward. So, uh I felt a little out of place in my blue jeans, but uh went down there. And and I went down to the water, and I helped I helped baptize him. That's incredible. Yeah, it was I was really, really glad I could be there for him as he as he took that step, you know, in his in his Christian life.

I didn't see that coming. I mean, that must have been a surprise, though, getting that text. Yeah, yeah. I was like, wait a minute. You you want me to help baptize you? That's I mean, that's incredible. Sure, yeah.

Mm - hmm Was that hard for you? Not really. Mm - hmm I mean, it was just I you know, like I said, I would have just kind of considered him a friend. Mm - hmm So, yeah, I would just kind of like baptizing a friend, basically. Mm - hmm Um But, yeah, I was really glad I could be there for him as he as he took that step. Mm - hmm It feels like, in a way, that brought things full circle. Like, that that feels like some real closure there Mm - hmm for your biological father. Like, coming to faith, being part of his baptism.

That's yeah, I mean, that that story could have ended pretty differently, you know? It could have ended very differently. And the fact that it ended that way is just yeah, that's incredible. I mean, that's that's so the gospel at work, though, you know? You know Do you want to speak more into that? Like, the the incredible redeeming power that only comes through through Jesus, through a situation like this, um that in in some ways has been redeemed, you know? And Mm - hmm yeah, do you want to say more on that? One of the I think one of the ways that we we limit I guess limit God is when we feel like like this is our pain, and this is our story.

And a lot of people, they identify with that's that's what they hold on to because they that's our hurt. That's mine. But when we allow ourselves to let go and forgive those who have hurt us, we actually are the ones who are set free, not them.

Because when we choose to to forgive somebody and let go, we can actually find that true healing. I remember one of my aunts, she was talking to a reporter one time. This was a number of years ago. There was a news article in our local paper that was put on about it. And I remember her telling the news reporter that she could not love me the way she does if she hadn't been able to forgive my dad for what he did.

Because but because she was willing to forgive, she actually can love since she doesn't hold that against my biological dad for what he did, she can actually release him and truly love me the way she actually wants to. That process of getting to the point of forgiving yourself, different ones on in your family, etc., that have had to go through that process.

Um I mean, again, I can't imagine. I mean, that that must have been hard. And I'm guessing didn't happen quickly. I mean, these things take time, you know? Mm - hmm Is there more you want to say on that on the on the forgiveness of you know when when someone's been wronged? I think that's something I know a lot of people struggle with that, you know? Like, you were saying hanging on to that hurt, you know? Mm - hmm Is there more you want to say there?

Yeah. Um I think forgiveness, yeah, it's the hardest thing to do. But, you know, like I said, when we if we are willing I think the biggest thing is when we can see where we have been forgiven ourselves and what Christ has actually done for us, it will help us to forgive those who have wronged us, you know? Because none of us deserved what Christ did for us.

And if we're willing to accept that forgiveness that Christ offers us, that's when we truly have life. Hmm And I think that's you're bringing in an important piece here where these things are hard. Mm - hmm Like, this is not um it is incredible how Christ has redeemed your story. Mm - hmm But also acknowledging, like, it is a broken world where some really, really awful things have happened. And I wonder if it's sometimes easy to just kind of not let's not talk about that pain because that just it hurts too much. Or we don't really want to go there. I guess I'm coming back to that holding on to that pain. And you're doing something different here where um you are saying you are acknowledging, like, how hard this was, but also the redemption also shines through.

Mm - hmm Would you have something you want to add or share to people that are are maybe hiding from that pain, I guess? Maybe that's the way to say it or or not trying to suppress that pain. Mm - hmm There's a quote that I really like. It says, "Owning your story may be difficult, but it's not nearly as difficult as running from it."

And, you know, that is so true because there's so many people today who are running from their hurt and running from their pain. And I have I do a lot of prison ministry, and I have talked to many, many people who have been running from their pain, and they've ended up in prison just because they got involved in the wrong things, because they were trying to trying to find a way to get rid of their pain.

But, you know, just when you hang on to something like that, it doesn't do you any good. All it does is drag us down. Mm - hmm And, you know, I mean, letting go is so hard because that's ours.

But when we can, first of all, release that hurt and that pain and then allow Jesus to take that pain and that hurt, when we're willing to use our hurt and our pain and share it, it helps others say, "I can do that too."

Or it helps it helps others identify things in their lives that maybe they've been hiding or running from. I'll finish up the story here real quick. Um So it was about three weeks after the baptism that Faith passed away.

She was the last of the girls to pass away. She was 53 when she passed away. Mm - hmm Um I was on a vacation when we got word that she wasn't doing well. I almost came home, but it sounded like she was probably going to make it till we got back. So I didn't end up going home. And she did pass away before I made it back. You know, I always wanted to be there when she passed away. Her funeral was the hardest funeral I've ever been at. You know, there's just something about you know, we all want that relationship with our biological parents.

There's just there is a connection that we have with our biological parents that is just ingrained in each one of us. And that's something, you know, that I was never able to have with her because of her condition. You know, we would go visit them occasionally, but you couldn't really you could never have, like, a conversation or anything like that. So, yeah, that was really, really hard for me not to be able to have that connection. Um But I'll never forget my Uncle Dan and the family service before the funeral. He said he knows that of all the people who support me in my ministry, she's my number one supporter. And that just means so much to me because, you know, everything everything that she went through, you know, her condition, you know, she was basically trapped in her own body for her entire life.