S2S Sisters: "Room at the Table" by Jamila Kurtz

Our prayer is that you will be filled with the knowledge of His will, strengthened with all might according to His glorious power. Welcome, ladies, to Strength to Strength Sisters. We are so happy to have you here today. The vision of Strength to Strength Sisters is to encourage women to be catalysts in advancing the Kingdom through biblical teachings, testimonies of faithful women, and thought-provoking discussions.

This platform is intended for sisters only, and we will have a question-and-answer session when this is finished. So be thinking about that, the things that you'd like to discuss when Jamila's finished. And we'd love if you'd turn your camera on when you ask your questions or give your thoughts.

It just makes it more personal. If you are uncomfortable turning your camera on, feel free to submit a question in the chat box, and the moderator, or Lynelle, will be sharing your question for you if you're uncomfortable sharing it yourself.

I am delighted to introduce Jamila Kurtz today as the speaker. She's going to be speaking to us about hospitality or room at the table. I have been very blessed to interact with Jamila some. I've never met her personally, but she has spoken into my life different times and been very much of a blessing to me. Jamila has been married to her husband, Luke, for 21 years. She has nine children. Her children know her as Mom. The neighborhood calls her Madam Jamila.

Jamila is passionate about her love for Jesus, her family, and finding beauty in everyone's story, learning something new every day, and sharing nuggets of goodness with whoever will listen. Life is a gift, and she is excited to tell about what God's done for her.

I'd like to pray for Jamila before she starts, and then we'll turn the time over to her. And you all can be praying as she speaks. Jamila has had a very busy last couple of weeks, and just that God would be glorified and that He would give her the words that she should share today, and that our hunger and thirst for richness will be just abundantly filled.

So let's pray.

God, I'm just coming to You this afternoon to lift up Jamila here. Father, You are so faithful to us in our neediness, and especially when we feel broken, You come to us and You fill us. Lord, we're asking that You will just meet Jamila's needs abundantly today. Father, You know what is her heart's desire to share here.

I pray You'd give her words. I pray that You would receive all the honor and glory. I pray, Heavenly Father, that You would be able to speak through Jamila and that there wouldn't be self or pride in the way, but that You could just use her in a mighty way this afternoon.

Teach us, Lord, what it looks like to have open hearts and open arms and open doors. So we lift her up to You this afternoon, and we thank You and praise You for being the King of Kings. May You receive all the honor and glory that You are so worthy of. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Okay, Jamila, go ahead.

Amen. Thank you so much for that beautiful prayer, Doreen, and for introducing me in that way. And hello, everyone. What an amazing opportunity this is, you know, just that we can all be gathered in Australia and Kenya and the US and Netherlands, I think. And I think this is just amazing. And I'm humbled for this opportunity to share today. You know, I'm worried about a few things. Like, I'm a little bit worried that I'll forget to look at my camera when I'm talking.

I'm not supposed to be looking at your faces on the side of my screen. I'm supposed to be looking at the camera, and I want to look at your faces. And I'm afraid that, you know, maybe I'll read my notes too much. But most of all, I want to forget myself, and I just want God to shine through me. That is my desire. So I would just ask that all of you could be praying that you can listen, but also pray that God can shine through me because that's my desire. I feel really vulnerable. And as we go on, I think you'll see why.

I asked God as I prepared for this talk in the last few weeks. I said, "Okay, God, You put Your words on my mind and in my heart." And this talk took a different path than I thought it was going to.

And so today, what I have to share, like I said, feels vulnerable because I'm sharing, really, it's not my story, but it's God's story of how He's worked through me. But before we start, I'd like to read you some of my favorite verses from the book of Jude.

Beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life, and if some have compassion, making a difference. Today, I want to talk about a way how we can all make a difference. I love this definition of hospitality, welcoming the stranger and making room for others. You know, hospitality is about loving all people. It's more than just inviting people in and feeding their bodies. For me, it's so much more than a passion. Although it is a passion of mine, it's a calling on my life that I never could ignore.

I don't have lots of deep theory to share with you all today. You know, hospitality is a huge subject. There's so much to be said. My focus you'll find today may seem to be more on welcoming the stranger, but the Bible tells us to wash the saints' feet. And just maybe if I don't seem to talk about that, I'm not ignoring that because really, is there any difference if we're supposed to love everyone? You know, I just ask God to speak through me what those listening need to hear. And so here's my testimony to His faithfulness. I want to share what happens when the love of Christ controls us. You know, I know God is going to lead everyone on their own journey.

As we open our hearts and we throw wide our doors and we make room at our tables, we can bring the glory of the Lord to this earth.

44 years ago, I was born on the island of Jamaica. My mother was raised in a turbulent, traumatic setting. To the mercy of God, kind nuns came to her village, and she was chosen to be educated at their boarding school. The hospitality those nuns shared to an illegitimate little girl who needed someone to welcome her changed the course of my mother's life, and it also changed mine.

Because I moved to the States as a young child, I know literally what it means to be a stranger in the land. I've spent my life moving in and out of cultures, and I'll talk about that a little bit more. You know, if it wasn't for someone welcoming me so many times in my life, I don't know where I'd be today.

If it wasn't for those who took the command of God to entertain strangers, literally, my life could have easily been one of those heart-rending statistics. I believe that I am called to extend the welcome. It's not just about fulfilling a command.

I'm gratefully repaying a debt I owe. Years ago, I was home with many young children. The thought of buckling all these little children into car seats and driving to visit someone seemed like more effort than I had energy for most days. In my heart, I wanted to love others while still caring well for the children God had given me. They needed naps. I needed a nap too.

My days were filled with changing diapers and putting food on the table. My life was changed forever when I began to ask God to send me the people He wanted me to love. It was amazing. Strangers literally knocked on my door.

It's as if I could hear God whispering in my ear, "Just welcome others as I welcomed you." That's a verse in Romans 15:17 that I love. And you know, this wasn't just about entertaining. It was raw and real. People shared their stories. I heard from the painful, hard places in people's lives. You know, I was just a young mother in rural Oklahoma with a string of babies, hearing stories of broken marriages, dysfunctional childhoods, and deep, dark loneliness.

Sometimes people told me things they had never told anyone else, and I'd listen. Sometimes I told bits and pieces of my own story, but mostly I'd listen. It was amazing the bonding that grew in the midst of my little children playing with toys on the floor while I would visit with someone. You know, or sometimes it was over just a simple lunch of tortillas and black beans. I remember one time I invited a lady. She'd been coming to our church full of... I invited her over for lunch one time with her children, and we just sat there. We just had tortillas and black beans, like the simplest thing. And I remember her just telling me, she said she never gets to sit and eat lunch.

And so we just sat at the table for the longest time while we ate tortillas and black beans. Like, it was an amazing experience. You know, in those years, God taught me incredible truths. I learned the beauty of personhood and what it means to embrace others who are very different from me as uniquely created in the image of God. You know, no one seemed too concerned that I wasn't an expert in theology, and I felt my limitations, you know, in hearing brokenness. And like I said, I was young at this time. I was not even 30 years old. I didn't always know what to do with it. And many times I was exhausted by pregnancy and running after little children.

I couldn't meet everyone's needs, and not everyone understood that. You know, that that became there was there was times I had to deal with that. And you know, there was times I took on burdens I wasn't meant to carry. And you know, that's something I regret when I look back and I think about being too stressed out about problems I couldn't fix when I was trying to, you know, raise little children. But this verse became one of my anthems. We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. That verse was just it was with me. You know, God didn't just tell me. He showed me that belonging comes before believing.

You know, so many people are just looking for somewhere they feel safe. They want to know that they are worthy of someone loving them. You know, I think of the verse in the Bible where Jesus says, "Come unto me, all you who are weary."

And I think, like, who else can offer that rest and offer that safe place for God's people? You know, people stepped across the door into our imperfect surroundings. You know, I had little children and, you know, just it was it seemed like a lot of times, like, I didn't have enough hours in my day. And but most times people just wanted to know, like, how I could be happy when I stayed at home day after day. Or, you know, women who had been battered by their husbands, you know, sat in my living room. And sometimes we would laugh about life. You know, it was just a place that they could, even though they had troubles, they could just talk about life.

And other times we'd just sit there and cry, you know, over meals that we shared with others. My husband and I would both bounce babies. You know, those were those years when we just had, it seemed like we had lots of babies while we chatted with friends old and new.

If I didn't know it before, I had no doubt now that my home was one of my greatest tools in reaching and loving others with God's love. Years have passed from those days. My location has changed from Midwest America to East Africa. I'm a mother of nine children now, and I also homeschool.

There's fewer babies, and now we have a whole array of children from toddlers to teenagers. You know, these days God has called our family to walk among the vulnerable in the country of Kenya. I hadn't realized all those years before that I was building community with those God sent into our home. You know, I just lived and loved and let people step inside the door.

These days, I still pray for God to send whoever He wants me to love. You know, I still I homeschool. I'm at home. Nine children. I find for myself, it's true, my oldest daughter's almost 20, but mom just needs to be at home.

And so I've added something else to that prayer. I ask God to give me largness of heart, just like Solomon asked. You know, I need a heart that's big enough to love whoever He sends because He's still sending people. And you know, some days I get tired. I still need to take naps. You know, what do you do when there's always people, you know, there's just people, children and coworkers and mamas and my own family all needing someone to love them. You know, people come in and they see the real us. I wonder sometimes that people think of the noise. You know, a dynamic family of 11 people full of lots of personality and action makes for drama all the time.

You know, I found that it seems like it's really true that people aren't looking for absolutes, and they're not always just looking for someone who can sit and discuss, you know, the most well-crafted theology. In our postmodern society, people don't want to just sit in churches and hear preaching and then look around and see everyone starts in their Sunday best.

You know, I believe people are looking for communities in which faith is lived out and spiritual experiences are real. You know, people today are looking for faith that is alive. They want to know that Christianity really works every day of the week, not just for a few hours on Sunday.

People need to see that the kingdom of God is not just a theory. It's alive. And I believe one of the best ways that people will see this faith is if they if we open our homes and let them see God's grace in action. You know, what happens when a husband and wife miscommunicate about what time supper is and the visitors show up before the husband does? Or what happens when your toddler hits the visitor? Or, you know, when life just isn't quite the perfection? You know, I've had so many people through the years tell me that they look on at people like us and they think, "Wow, your lives are perfect." So sometimes people need to come in and see what happens when life isn't perfect.

Once, this was years ago when we lived in Oklahoma, there was a man who was coming to our church. He had a he had a hard story, and we had invited him home for lunch. And he was there, and we weren't like, it was unexpected. We weren't planning to invite. We didn't know he was going to be at church. And so we came home, you know, lots of little children were getting lunch ready. And I asked my son, I don't know how old he would have been at the time, maybe seven or eight, oldest son to set the table. And we had used some kind of pottery dishes that we oftentimes pulled out for lunch, and he dropped the plate.

It was just, okay, he dropped the plate. And we're just like, okay, the plate dropped. And, you know, in the hustle and bustle of everything, get a room, clean up the plate, and, you know, get another plate. So the table was just, it was okay. That's this is just life. And the man was sitting there, and he just commented, and he said, he wonders where he would be if he would have had a different raising.

And, you know, I remember that stuck out to me because we were just kind of, you know, just doing life and taking care of the children. And, you know, somebody was watching. And I think that's what happens when we open our home and let people see. You know, I'm here because of people who allowed me to see their real lives. When our family joined the Mennonite Church in my teens, there were people who opened their homes to us. And it wasn't just that we were only there like Sunday when life, you know, maybe Sunday like when they had it planned and everything was choreographed and perfect. You know, there were people who just opened their homes and we were with them through the week.

And, you know, I learned so much watching godly families. I'm so thankful.

God calls us to start simply. You know, we can offer just a cup of cold water in His name. And there are all kinds of ways to show welcome to others. You know, I only have so much time today, so I'm talking mostly about what happens when we make room at our tables. You know, hospitality that involves food. But, you know, there's other ways of hospitality too.

I believe meals are a universal shared experience. You know, are there any cultures in our world that they don't have food traditions? You know, everyone needs to eat. Most people love to eat. The culture here in Kenya is that you always offer someone something. Like if somebody stops in, you offer them something. And I have just been so blessed when I have been in Kenyan homes with people who really had nothing, and yet they pulled out something for us to share. Like they just, they would never have even thought about it because to them, every visitor was a blessing. They've been so blessed and so challenged. And so, you know, here you offer even a cup of chai and you don't ask.

You just set it before them. You know, I love feeding people, but I also believe in keeping it simple. You know, the Bible says, "Better a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it." You know, or maybe hatred or behind the scenes being stressed that, you know, why do I have to feed these people?

You know, and I've shared some of the most amazing feast experiences over hot dogs. I was served in a home of others, and I don't even like hot dogs, but it didn't matter. It wasn't about the food. It was more about the shared experience and just the the fellowship that we could have. You know, I believe simple fare and lavish love say to others, "You're here. It's time. Sit down." You know, there's always room. There's always enough. Because when you think about it, isn't that what God says to us? There's always room. There's always enough.

One of my hospitality mentors was my father's mother. That was my grandmother. She fed anyone who came to her door. She raised 10 children, and long after they were raised, I remember spending a summer with her when we were in Jamaica as a little child and watching her cook big pots of food every single day. I remember I asked her one time, like, "Who are you cooking for?"

And she just looked at me like, like she's cooking. Like every day she got up and cooked. And then what she would do throughout the day, she would just feed whoever came to her door. Like she just had enough food. And if she, you know, maybe she sent food for this person or that person. At this time, my grandmother was in her 80s doing this. And that was just her life. You know, when she died at 102, you wouldn't have expected a huge crowd to come to a funeral of someone who, you know, everyone their age was already dead. But there were people by the hundreds who streamed out of those hills of Jamaica to come to her funeral.

Like I was amazed. I didn't even know there were that many people who lived in that area. At the time, my father said that as she lived, so she was going to die. And so they didn't turn anyone away at her funeral. They fed everybody. And, you know, that has been such a legacy to me. I remember at her funeral thinking to myself, "I want to be like my grandmother."

You know, hospitality isn't our project. We're not just here trying to accumulate points to get into heaven. You know, we're loving others as God has loved us. You know, as we sit around our tables and we talk about life, we hear people's stories and we tell our own. There's so much power in shared story.

You know, no one is too broken. And I believe no one is undeserving. You know, everyone should be welcome. It doesn't matter if they are someone of status or if there's someone who doesn't. You know, and I believe in the end that if I open my home to others, they may or may not come to my church. Like I don't believe the end goal of my hospitality is everyone comes to my church, although that is wonderful. We want everyone to come to saving grace in Jesus. And, you know, not everyone will stop their consuming addictions. You know, we have some relationships that we had for years and with people who, you know, they still they still haven't stopped their destructive behavior.

But, you know, it's a process, but I've learned to leave the results in God's hands and let His spirit work in people's lives. You know, I believe that we're just sowing seeds and we're loving others in Jesus' name.

Our goal is to simply let them see the beauty of the Lord lived in a real way and to welcome others with the same welcome we receive every day from Jesus. Some may wonder, you know, how do I handle all the extra work? Or where do the funds come from? Or what will I do with the brokenness I encounter? Or, you know, maybe could even secretly be asking, like, how often do I have to open my home? You know, I believe these questions are all valid to explore in our humanness. But I don't think hospitality needs to become complex. And I don't think there's only one right way. I think we just need to ask God to teach us how to love like Him.

I don't believe hospitality is a spiritual gift. You know, for years I thought that, you know, I think that's kind of what I thought in my mind, that some people have the spiritual gift of hospitality, but I don't believe that anymore. 1 Peter 4:9 says to show hospitality without grumbling, you know, is simply a command that we're privileged to obey. If we don't know how to open our doors, we just need to ask God and He will show us. He loves to give us the best gifts. You know, I know that God can give anyone the gift of welcoming others. It won't look the same. It's not supposed to look the same because we all have gifts differing.

We're not trying to impress and we're not trying to portray or showcase. You know, we can learn, you know, to fill our homes with a simple beauty that makes others feel comfortable and at rest. But all we have to do is open our doors because it's God's house after all. We just need to ask His help to turn it into a sacred space.

And I believe that as we do that, that God's love will transform every meal into a form of worship and then every conversation can be filled with His grace.

We know that wherever there's potential for the kingdom, Satan can twist it and destroy any good. And I believe it can be that way when it comes to reaching out to others. I always feel chilled when I think about the infamous Charles Manson. You know, it didn't matter that he had spent over half his life in prison and he had no money and he had no job, but he knew how to exploit the vulnerable.

They all had the similarities of fragmented homes and absent fathers. They felt unattractive and unloved. Once, Manson met a girl sitting on a park bench. He sat down beside her and he asked, "Why are you crying?" You know, he just made her feel like she was the most special person and here was someone who really cared.

It was just a few days till she gave him not only her body, but also her mind and also her soul. You know, Manson did it time and time again. He welcomed the insecure and the outcast, and then he used them in his own twisted way. And, you know, when I think about that, I have to say that I remember a time I missed my own crying girl in the park.

This was years ago when we lived in Oklahoma and it was a Sunday evening and Luke and I had taken the children to the park. It was just something that we would do sometimes. And he was kind of over in the grassy area batting a ball with the older children. And I was at the swings. I was just pushing my babies on the swing. And I noticed a girl standing over by the way. She was in the teens, teenage somewhere, long brown hair. She had jeans on and a shirt. And she was just, there was something about her. Like she looked nervous in the park, like almost like she was lost. And I remember I was just watching her and I had this like overwhelming feeling like I need to go talk to this girl.

And I remember like having this conversation with myself and thinking like, "What am I going to go talk to this girl about?" You know, or just, "This is really weird." Like, you know, it's not like she talked to me. It's not even that we made such eye contact. But there was just, there was something about her. She just, she didn't look like she was okay.

And, you know, as I was kind of having this like conversation with myself, I noticed a pickup truck pull up to the park. And this man got out of the pickup truck and came walking toward the girl. And it didn't seem like there was a chemistry of a father-daughter relationship. Like something, I was just, I just remember watching this all, like almost to me it seemed in slow motion.

And she walked over to the pickup truck and she got in his vehicle and drove off. You know, I don't know what happened to that girl. Every time I think of her, I've been haunted through the years. I've started, I just pray whenever she comes to my mind. But I've also asked God to forgive me and help me not to miss when His spirit is asking me to speak to someone. You know, human trafficking doesn't just happen in the big cities or overseas. It's happening all over in small town America. And maybe you wonder why I'm even mentioning this now. Like, okay, human trafficking, like how can we be involved in that? You know, like how many of us, like I'm a mother with nine children.

How many of us are going to go storm a brothel somewhere to rescue girls? You know, once there were brave women who fed those in need on the underground railroad, you know, in the time of the slaves when they were, you know, trying to get from the south to the north, I mean, or to Canada.

But, you know, human trafficking is the slavery of the 21st century. A high percentage of trafficking victims are actually runaways. And most of these runaways are picked up within 48 hours by either pimps or traffickers. They say that intercepting someone before they become a statistic is far more effective than rescue.

So, you know, it's far more effective to learn to know the runaway before it happens than to try to like rescue them after they're already enslaved. And so I just asked this question and I'm asking myself this, like, who's living next door to me? Or who do we see at the grocery store? You know, what would happen if we decided to reach out to the lonely in our neighborhoods? You know, maybe there is just that family down the street, you know, who things just don't seem okay with. You know, what would happen if we reach out to the lonely in our neighborhoods and took the time to learn to know them? Could we find the runaways before it happened?

You know, I wonder how many girls in the parks that we could save. The years have brought so many through our doors. Sometimes there have been times they've been those fresh out of prison and homeless or the cynical agnostic or the older man with a lifetime of regret. But, you know, their brokenness is no different than mine because all of us need a savior. You know, it's in Jesus' name that we welcome anyone into our home. I don't see any need to pass judgment because God knows what's happened in their lives better than I ever could.

I think it was Mr. Rogers who said, "I think people don't change very much when all they have is a finger pointed at them." I think the only way people change is in relation to somebody who loves them.

We can connect with anyone in our sameness. And our sameness is the fact that we're all created in the image of God. You know, we all have an Imago Dei, which Imago Dei means in the image of God in Latin. We all have that within us and it's beautiful. And so that means, you know, I mean, we all know, you know, you're in the grocery store. And, you know, I remember a time when, especially in the summertime, and you would see women and you just like have this feeling of like halfway feeling sorry for them, but halfway having to fight like this feeling of almost revulsion because, you know, just everything is hanging out and you're just like, "How can you?"

And I remember when God convicted me that, you know, this person is no different than I am. You know, we're all made in the image of God. We can always connect in that sameness. I think if we love others as God has loved us, we won't be embarrassed to keep friendship with people who don't quite fit the popular status quo because we know that everyone we welcome is set in Jesus' name. I love this thought by Henry Nolan.

Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place. It's not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines. Hospitality is a way of life. It's extending community to whoever we meet, and it's not a competition. You know, hospitality is believing that our home is open to everyone because no one is beyond God's reach.

And it's knowing, as Katie Davis Majors says, that at the end of time, all that will count is that we live the gospel with our very lives, that we paid attention to the people God gave us, and that we dwelt knowledgeably and hospitably in the place to which He called us.

In 2 Corinthians 5, it says, "For the love of Christ controls us. God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself, gave us the ministry of reconciliation." You know, isn't it beautiful that all of us can be part of this ministry of reconciliation?

I have a kind of a kaleidoscope of 10 goals that we can have in our hospitality. They're not in any order and they're not all inclusive. These are just I prayed and this is what God laid on my heart.

You know, simplicity is the utmost form of sophistication. I oftentimes tell my children that, you know, simplicity is the best way. And so I don't think we have to overcomplicate things. Maybe you don't like to cook. Maybe you like to cook and you don't have time. But, you know, developing one meal to serve guests isn't a crime. Actually, I think it's the better part of wisdom. And if you have that one meal that you serve and you become like, you know, good at making, it'll become your signature dish. People will just know that when I go to your house, this is what we eat.

Years ago, well, not years ago, I think it's probably when our youngest was born, so she's three. I remember sitting down with my oldest daughter at the time when we were talking about how exhausting it can be, not cooking the food, but trying to decide what to make. And so we decided that we are just going to have two rotating meals. Like this was going to be what we were going to serve when people come. And the one option was going to be like what you call haystacks or taco salad. And it had options. You could use lettuce, you could use cabbage, you could use hamburger, you could use chicken, but that was the idea, you know, rice and what you put on top of it.

And our other rotating meal was curry, like Indian curry and rice. And I like these two options because there were all simple foods that we could, you know, keep on. It was just simple foods that we eat all the time. And if people are like gluten-free or have some kind of food allergy, they would most likely find something they could eat.

And that is what we did. And we still do that quite a bit. My daughter now is almost 20 and she loves to cook. She's kind of the reigning queen in our kitchen. So she branches out with creativity, but really those two types of meals are kind of what we tend to go by. Another thing I love is like stacked type meals because there's different choices, you know, if somebody doesn't like tomatoes or they want onions and people can choose what they want to put on top. And I don't know, we just love those kinds of meals.

My second thought is to create a people-friendly home. And there's a multitude of ways to do this, right? You know, if you're casual, you can buy disposable plates in bulk. You just have them on hand. If you love a beautiful table, you can collect white dishes at the thrift stores. My friend Bernice does this and I love being in her kitchen. She just has all these dishes, like white plates and serving dishes. And they're not all the same style, but they're all white. And so it's just a very clean and restful look.

Another friend of mine, Mary Ellen, has this touch that whenever we're in the States and we go to visit her, she always serves us food that she knows that we don't eat often in Kenya. That's just her way of loving us.

I have friends who are sisters, Dorothy and Sharon, and they taught me how to just use what you have to create an inviting home. I love going to their houses because they have just, they just use what they had and they just somehow created and arranged things and just have this wonderful atmosphere.

When we talk about a people-friendly home, my friend Christy calls it that it's not just an open door policy, it's an open heart policy. And I really think that's the key, that if we have an open heart policy for receiving people. Number three is that children should never play alone in bedrooms. And this is something that, you know, I believe and we have to reinforce. And I have a particular suspicion of even like basements. I don't think it's wrong, but it's just the idea that, you know, the children go off over here to play that way the adults can visit here. And it's just, I think we do need to be careful. And it doesn't really matter if you're spending time with those who share your values or not.

You know, the sinful nature is inherent in all of us. I myself, I think maybe, I don't know if it's just through the years, I'm probably a little dead into noise. Sometimes I'm not sure. But, you know, I'd much rather have children crashing around within eyesight just so I can know what's happening.

We love to eat outside. And one of the benefits of eating outside is that it is easy that, you know, that if the adults are sitting over here visiting, you can still, the children are playing, you can see and hear what's going on. So, you know, find your happy medium, but don't ever sacrifice your children to reach out to others. That's what I'm trying to say. You know, we always, always need to know what our children are doing.

Be uniquely who God created you to be. You know, remember that, you know, we're all made in the image of God and He has something that He wants all of us to reflect. I don't think success in hospitality has anything to do with our personality types. You know, I think sometimes it can be easy for people to feel like, well, the extroverts, you know, they're the ones who sit and stay can talk or whatever, more outgoing.

But I believe that God created us all with the capacity to love others well. You know, if you think or you feel like you're too quiet and not a great conversationalist, then really all you have to do is just develop a few great questions to ask people. You know, everyone loves to sit with a listening ear and someone with undivided attention. And I actually think that introverts and quiet people would be really good at that.

Number five, don't ruin what you're teaching. You know, hospitality is discipleship in our homes. We're training our children to know what's important. Being frazzled and stressed out ruins beautiful teaching moments. This was, I don't know, maybe in the last year or so, the children and I were listening to a podcast by Misty Winkler. She has the website Simply Convivial, I think it's called. And she had this podcast, something about hospitality, preparing your home for others. And so I thought, rah, rah, rah, this would be a great thing for us to listen to, get everybody before we're preparing for people to come over. And she said something I haven't forgotten. She said that we should have the same voice 10 minutes before visitors come as we do 10 minutes after the visitors are there.

Okay. So two of my children especially piped up, and these were the two children who probably hear from me the most before visitors come. And they're like, "Mom, are you listening?" And you know, I was listening and I accepted the challenge because I knew I had failed. You know, it's so easy to get under like pressure because we want to welcome people into a nice environment. Like I'm all about the thing of we live here, but sometimes the we live here, you know, can get a little crazy and you'd like people to be able to find a place to sit on the sofa when they come. Anyway, I've oftentimes thought about that challenge that I should have the same voice 10 minutes before visitors come as 10 minutes after.

You know, I don't want my children to grow up with this negative view of people coming over. And I've had to ask God many times and my children when I fail. Number six, duty makes us do things well, but love makes them do the beauty. Love, sorry, duty makes us do things well, but love makes us do things beautifully. You know, a few extra seconds to arrange food attractively can take simple fare up in few notches.

And I realize in this, you know, but there is something to just having food that's nicely arranged. But if someone knocks at the door and it's mealtime, don't apologize. Or if really all you can manage to do is just to set the pot of soup on the table with just the way it is, that's fine. You know, one time our family, it was a Monday evening and we had had a Monday night supper where we just cleaned out the fridge of all the leftovers and just that's what we ate. And the wash wasn't folded. I think there was wash on the sofas and there was a knock on our gate just after we had eaten.

And two men from one of our churches here showed up. They wanted to talk to my husband. And here they were. They walked in and we had already eaten. I felt bad and I think the best of the leftovers was probably eaten. But we just grabbed plates. You know, sometimes the most beautiful thing you can do is get a clean plate and just try to arrange what was there nicely. And sat down with them. We pushed the laundry aside so they had somewhere to sit and we just sat down and visited. And you know, one of the men commented to us, this was a Kenyan national. And he commented to us, he said, "This is good for us to see that you Americans are real too."

So that's what happens. And sometimes it was actually good for me to remember that it's okay. It's a good reminder that for people, that it's okay for people to see the real us. Number seven is to remember that our family is our strength. You know, we don't show hospitality in spite of our children. We live hospitality with our children. You know, we show hospitality first to our own families. You know, we have to make life work. There were years that I'd serve waffles after church Sunday evening to visitors in Oklahoma. You know, I needed a meal that didn't need a lot of prep time before church and would also be simple. And so it was waffles.

We served that to a lot of people. You know, your stage of life doesn't need to keep you from opening your home. You can just let your stage of life dictate the creativity used to welcome others. And as I was preparing this, I was thinking about single women who may have a different call to hospitality. Like I have friends who are unmarried and who love others in ways that I can't. And I admire them so much for that.

Number eight, be sensitive. You know, I love big happy crowds of people. It's just, you know, I like, I mean, I have lived with 11 people and so what's a bunch more? But we have a friend who's afraid that someone's going to cross the light. That's what he's afraid of. My daughter and I actually had met him at a grocery store. He's Indian. And through that, my husband had gone out for lunch with him and we struck up a friendship and we wanted to invite him to our home. And so when Luke first invited him to our house, he sent a message that we'd love to have you join us for supper Friday night. And he accepted happily.

Within the next day, he texts back and he asked my husband who us was. And so Luke assured him that it was just like my husband and I and our nine children. And he was, he was okay. You know, he just wanted to make sure there wasn't going to be a lot of people because he said he's shy. He's not really, I think he was just afraid.

And so we honor that wish of his and we invite him to our home when it's just our family. Number nine is to remember that we feed more than physical bodies. You know, what do others see when they come to our home? Do they know we love God when they look around? You know, I love having and I love going to other people's homes and seeing just, you know, thought-provoking Bible verses or quotes on display. I think that's just a beautiful way that our walls can minister without us speaking.

You know, the Anabaptist culture is known for home cooking and beautiful clean homes. You know, I love when we go to Lancaster County to see all the immaculate yards and the color-coded wash lines. You know, it's really, really restful. I think about that every time we go.

And I think that the culture has so much to offer. But I just have a few questions that we can think about. You know, what if we said that everything we have is God's? You know, it's all his anyway. You know, what if we live like we really believed it?