Chapter 14: Him or It? The most intimidating hurdle of the entire conscientious objection request process was the final court hearing. It was the culmination of all the interviews, written papers, chaplain visits, psychologist interviews, and everything in between. In some ways, we dreaded this hearing because we knew that we would be accepted or rejected, depending solely on how we fared in this interview. Each of us had to go individually and stand trial alone.
A few days before the hearing, the Mennonite Central Committee sent us a little booklet in the mail on how to answer some of the more common questions typically thrown out during these hearings. When I realized what it was, I started to open it and look at some of the answers. But suddenly, after I started to look at it, I had an overwhelming feeling to put the book away.
Then I remembered a powerful promise that Jesus gave for moments just like these: "Now, when they bring you to the synagogues and magistrates and authorities, do not worry about how or what you should answer, or what you should say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say." I took that promise, closed the book, and trusted in the Holy Spirit to give me all the answers I would need.
The Courtroom A few days later, standing before the magistrates and authorities, I actually got to put this promise into practice. The courtroom was set up fairly informally. A long table stood at the front, with another small table coming off of it at the end, so that it resembled the shape of a capital T. The judge was a young African-American captain from the Justice Department. He sat at the front of the table with a stack of papers, a laptop computer, and several books.
One of the main focal points before him was my application for conscientious objector status. Sitting directly across the table from me was Andre Stoner, a counselor sent out from the Mennonite Central Committee to Germany to help soldiers with the conscientious objector process. It was such a comfort to have him there. It all started with the customary attention and salute, and then the judge asked me to take a seat. Then he began asking me every conceivable question related to war and non-resistance.
He asked me about my conversion and how I felt about other wars. What about Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and the communists? He asked me about other little police actions that America was involved with in Central America. He asked me if I owned a gun, and even asked me how I felt about hunting. With each question, I whispered a little prayer and trusted the Holy Spirit to give me the answer. I tried not to just give him canned answers, but rather to minister a portion of Scripture when I could.
I remember he asked me one question about the harassment that I was receiving from my fellow soldiers in my company. He wanted to know if I enjoyed the harassment. I suppose he was questioning whether I was just looking for trouble. In answer to this, I told him that I did not enjoy the harassment in the flesh, but that I did consider it a privilege. I opened my Bible to Matthew 5:10-11 and read: "Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." Then I said, "I guess that's how I feel." He was respectful, almost kind, and I could tell that he had some knowledge of the Bible. At some points, I felt that his questions were almost searching.
Tanya and the other couple who went through all of this with us, Rick and Don Shirley, had experiences just as grueling as mine. When it was all over, we were so relieved. We didn't know it at the time, but it would be eight long months from the time we submitted our application until we received the results of our request. Time to study Initially, after we had started the whole process, the army still had us playing our instruments and singing in the concert band.
That all ended one day when I told the commander that I felt somewhat hypocritical to be singing the song "God Bless the USA" because there was a line in it that said, "I would gladly stand up next to her and defend her still today." He didn't like that very much. For the rest of our time in the army, until we heard from the Pentagon about our results, we were shuffled around to a strange variety of odd jobs.
We did anything from being music librarians to painting latrines to painting ancient rusty old handrails that literally were disintegrating with every stroke of the paintbrush. I suppose the most interesting assignment was that of working as journalists for the base newspaper. Those eight months gave us lots of time to grow in God and explore His will for our lives.
We read lots of books, prayed, studied our Bibles, and eventually met with various groups of unconventional, committed, and sometimes peculiar Christians. Our attention to non-resistance naturally attracted us to many new people and groups who held similar convictions. This was a blessing in many ways, but it also was a great challenge and, at times, a big disappointment. I found myself coming into a world of people who were saying many of the same things I was, but often meaning something completely different.
Buddhist Baptists and U2 groupies One such instance was the time Tanya and I held a little get-together in our apartment in Hochspeyer, Germany, for all those soldiers who currently were getting out of the army as conscientious objectors. This was an eye-opener for me. I guess I had the mistaken impression that anyone becoming a conscientious objector would naturally be some kind of a sold-out, radical Christian, but I was wrong. During the meeting, I had a time for people to share their testimonies.
One guy said he became a conscientious objector because of the lyrics of a U2 song. Another man said it was because he was trying to be both a Baptist and a Buddhist. I still haven't figured that one out. Several others were doing so for merely humanitarian reasons. There were a few civilians there as well. We could all talk about war and peace, but honestly, it didn't seem that anyone wanted to talk about Jesus. Soon after, Tanya and I were invited to a nuclear bomb protest outside some military base.
Against my better judgment, we went, and there we stood with a host of peace people shouting, "No more nukes! No more nukes!" I was trying to find myself, or at least I was trying to find my people, and I was having a very hard time. Somehow, this just didn't seem like the saints I read about in the Martyrs' Mirror or the Martyrs of the Early Church. It seemed that many of these people had a cause, but you had to wonder if they had Christ. This was a hard time for me. Admittedly, we were very idealistic.
We had read about the saints and martyrs throughout history, and we were earnest about finding them living now in our current day. We visited a little community of people all residing in one big apartment building. They were determined to live in community, and that impressed us. But when we visited, it just seemed like something was missing. Trip to an Anabaptist College Jumping ahead a bit, one of the hardest visits came when we actually were out of the army.
We had the opportunity to visit a college that claimed to be based on Anabaptist theology and principles. To us, the very idea of an Anabaptist college seemed like a utopia. "Just imagine," I thought to myself, "a whole college of young Anabaptist men and women all striving for a radical relationship with Jesus Christ." We had been invited to consider enrollment for the next semester, so we flew out to this college with high expectations, ready to give our testimony and learn more about this school.
It was right at the very beginning of the school year, so classes were just getting started. We were so excited. We could hardly wait to meet these people who we had formerly only read about. I'm not a peace activist Now, I must admit that we were very idealistic. We got off that plane with such a romanticized view of the Anabaptists that we practically had the Martyrs' Mirror under one arm and the complete writings of Menno Simons under the other. We needed a reality check.
We still had a lot of hard lessons to learn. All that said, we were pretty surprised by what we found. Our first stop was the Peace Club. I thought that this would be perfect. It was their first meeting of the semester, so they were making all kinds of plans for the upcoming year. At the beginning, we just sat on one side of the table while the young men discussed their plans for the year with one another. But as I listened, my heart sank.
As they discussed their ideas, some of the activities they mentioned were startling. The talk was very political. Protests, sarcasm, and general anti-government issues took center stage. A discussion about homosexuality came up, and surprisingly, the Peace Club discussed plans for a closer relationship and greater support for the gay and lesbian society at the secular college across town. As they discussed the homosexuality issue, they didn't talk about the need for helping these people come to repentance.
Instead, they excused their sin and said that these people should be looked on as a persecuted minority group. Near the end of their discussion, someone suggested a pro-life versus pro-choice debate on campus. They all thought that was a good idea until another young man reminded them that the guy who was the pro-life advocate had graduated last year. After all these discussions, the leader looked at me and asked me if I had any questions for them. I paused and thought for a moment.
Then I said, "I have only one question, but I would like to go down the line and have each of you answer it individually." "Okay," they replied. "Ask anything you wish." "This is a Peace Club, right?" "Right." "Could each of you simply tell me why you believe in peace?" One by one, the answers came. Some had to do with the oppression of the poor. Some believed in peace because of the damage caused by wars. For some, it was for the sake of the environment or the hungry.
Finally, right at the end, a very young-looking, red-headed freshman said, "It's because of the words of Jesus." I stopped them and said, "That's it. That's what I wanted to hear." I went on to say that I was not a peace activist. "I'm just a Christian," I explained. "Non-resistance is a part of Christianity, but it's not the whole. There are a lot of other wonderful teachings in the Bible besides non-resistance." I reassured them that we obviously felt very strongly about the importance of non-resistance.
However, our focus, our attention, and our driving passion was Christ. Tanya and I repeated this testimony to several classes and groups. Some were very excited, but some looked a bit concerned. The short of it was that we left there with a sinking reality check and a question mark about our future. Off-center In keeping with their Anabaptist traditions, pacifism was an important doctrine to the students at this college.
However, it seemed that somewhere the doctrine of non-resistance had moved far away from its source. No longer were the words of Scripture the focus and driving passion behind the doctrine. Pacifism had nearly become an end to itself. Later, when I challenged one of them for defending homosexuality, he argued that homosexuals are created this way from birth, so we should just accept them and ignore the sin. I argued that I too had been born with many sinful desires.
For instance, the natural desire to defend myself and hate my enemies was built deep within me. However, after being confronted with the words of Scripture, I had to repent of this behavior. If I had allowed myself to justify my sinful behavior by calling it a "built-in desire" of my people group, then I would still be in the army. Disclaimer I should mention that we also met many committed Christians at this college.
Some of the older people with whom we stayed and many of the staff that we had the privilege to meet lived a remarkably simple lifestyle and expressed a genuine hospitality in a way that really challenged us. It was just that in the end we saw that these young people were dangerously close to letting the issues of peace and non-resistance become their entire focus. As a result, they were not centering on the person of Jesus Christ. Because of this, they were easily dismissing other parts of Christ's teachings.
Tanya and I were passionate believers in biblical non-resistance, but ultimately, we knew we wanted Him, not it. Searching for Kingdom Christians As I read and talked both to Christians who supported non-resistance and those who rejected it, I began to notice that there were two diametrically opposing opinions concerning the Christian's place in warfare. These opinions tended to polarize to the farthest right and the farthest left.
The far-right view obviously rejects the teaching of non-resistance, but more than this, they actually champion the place of Christians at all levels of government. They see politics and commerce as an indispensable way to propagate the Kingdom of God. Again, I would hear them refer to the passage in Romans 13 as a defense that the emperor, in our case the president, does not bear the sword in vain, for he is God's minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil.
On the other hand, to the far left, shocked and dismayed at the theocratic vocabulary of the far right were people who virtually had thrown out everything distinctly Christian except "love your enemies." What I found surprising about this leftist group was just how theocratically political they had become as well. The idea of not entangling ourselves in the affairs of this world seemed to be violated just as much by the liberal pacifist camp as it was by the Christian militant camp.
Christians everywhere are universally called to be sojourners, pilgrims, and strangers on this earth, ruled and governed by Christ alone, not some new global social order. On the one hand, the idea of a peace activist rising to power, legislating non-resistance, self-denial, and pacifism is intellectually embarrassing in a depraved, non-redeemed world. Moreover, the protesting, picketing, lobbying, and bullying of political opponents by leftist activists hardly seems to personify Christ.
On the other hand, to rule by force, politics, and economics, even tacitly in the name of Christ, is nothing short of blasphemy. I felt that both of these extremes were too close to Paul's warnings about worldly fraternization. A Growing Remnant During that eight-month wait for the results of our conscientious objector applications, we did find some like-minded fellowship. Once, while my wife and I were praying in a chow hall before our meal, a young Christian man noticed and came up to talk with us.
He invited us to his little fellowship. We were very blessed there, and through these believers, we were stretched and challenged about many areas of our lives. As we have continued in our journey, we have discovered that, spread all over the earth, there literally are thousands of believers turning to the teachings of Christ and being fools enough to believe every word of His teachings.
Amazingly, it seems that many times, when someone notices that another person actually is taking the words of Jesus literally and trying to live them out, the attraction is nearly irresistible. I love to listen to their testimonies, to see the spark in their eyes, and to hear the words of Jesus on their lips. When I hear these testimonies, I know that, just like my wife and me, they too will never be the same.
Not surprisingly, these new believers also love to tell others about their decision to follow Jesus radically, and this trend is growing. The Spreading Seed In one of the most impressive parables of Jesus, He likened the Kingdom of God to a mustard seed.
Another parable He put forth to them, saying, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and sowed in his field, which indeed is the least of all the seeds; but when it is grown, it is greater than the herbs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and nest in its branches." What does a mustard tree look like?
Shane Claiborne has recently said about the mustard tree, "Plenty of people had lofty expectations of the Kingdom coming in spectacular triumph and were familiar with the well-known Cedars of Lebanon imagery from the prophets, who described the Kingdom as the greatest of all trees, not unlike a giant redwood tree." But Jesus ridiculed this triumphal expectation. After all, even mature mustard plants stand only a few feet high, modest little bushes.
The Jesus Revolution is not a frontal attack on the empires of the world. It is a subtle contagion, spreading one little life, one little hospitality house at a time. Is the theology of martyrdom practical? To the flesh, it is foolishness, but when I embrace it in all parts of my life by faith, it is absolutely liberating.
The Truth in the Last Days Regardless of the timing of your eschatology, in the book of Revelation, with the world in absolute chaos, the Antichrist roaring, and warfare is raging, John describes three distinguishing marks that identify the people of God. In these distinguishing marks, John describes how the Christians will stand out and persevere. Describing the times, in Revelation 13, John tells us that the Antichrist actually will be given power to defeat the saints.
"It was granted to him to make war with the saints and to overcome them, and authority was given him over every tribe, tongue, and nation. All who dwell on the earth will worship him, whose names have not been written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world." But then he makes the solemn proclamation, "If any man have an ear, let him hear." That means we better listen. He then offers the first mark, "He who leads into captivity shall go into captivity.
He who kills with the sword must be killed with the sword." Here is the patience and the faith of the saints. Incredibly, the very principle taught by Jesus when He told Peter to put away his sword actually becomes one of the defining marks of the saints in the last days. Why would God give the Antichrist power to kill the saints?
This question is right up there with the question, "Why did God give Pilate the power to kill Jesus?" Somehow, the saints' defiance of death and uncompromising loyalty to God is an ultimate blow to Satan and the ultimate praise to our God. In the next chapter, John gives the other two identifying marks of the saints in the last days. Here is the patience of the saints. Here are those who keep the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus.
Therefore, when times get to their absolute worst, we are going to recognize the saints of God by those who are a holy people who keep the teachings of Jesus, a people who have a genuine faith in Christ, a people who practice the principle established by Christ to Peter when He said, "Put your sword in its place, for all who take the sword will perish by the sword." The culmination of this last-days theology is all capped off by John's surprising revelation that, in the end, this defenseless, dying army actually
wins.
But what's most surprising is that the Antichrist is stopped, not by guns, bombs, or resourceful politics, but by the blood and faith of the martyrs. John says, "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death." That's Gelassenheit. That's the theology of martyrdom. That's the cross. That's real victory.
The Results and the Surprise At last, after approximately eight long months of waiting, we finally were notified that the same captain who had conducted our hearing wanted to meet with us upstairs in our first sergeant's office to give us the results of our conscientious objector applications. This was what we had waited for. I tried to act confident, but inside I was scared. The first sergeant challenged me, "What are you going to do if he says no?" Shocked by his challenge, I simply replied, "I don't know.
We would certainly have to pray about it." Once the captain arrived, we were summoned to report to the designated office. Here we were, once again making our way up those creaky stairs. My mind went back to all that had happened over the past year. A lot had transpired since our little band of pilgrims had first marched up these stairs together and laid our applications on the commander's desk to initiate this whole process. Together we had prayed, read, and learned so much since that day.
It had been quite a journey. As we neared the room, my mind replayed the stories of court martials and jail time that the military newspaper was playing up recently. Reaching the door, I knocked, whispered a million prayers, and once again entered the room. This time, we were in the first sergeant's office. It was tiny. I don't think it could have been much more than about eight by ten feet. Facing us was a military desk. All four of us crowded in, came to attention, and saluted the captain.
The captain returned the salute and called us to be at ease. Right on the edge of the desk, among several other randomly scattered papers, sat four thick manila envelopes. The captain pointed to them and said, "These are the results of your conscientious objector applications. We will review them in a minute, but first, I would like to offer you something." Not knowing what to think, I just said, "Yes, sir?" "I want to offer you the chance to go back and forget about all this. The war is over now.
You all have nice careers. Yes, it will be embarrassing for a while, but in time all of that will pass. I have the authority to do this for you." Hardly thinking, I looked at Tanya's eyes and the Shirleys, then quickly replied, "No, sir. We are confident that God wants us to do this, so we feel we must continue." The others confirmed this to the commander as well. I couldn't help but wonder why he was offering us this before he gave us the results. He continued, "I thought that was what you would say.
Well, all right then, I will give you the results." We all were about to explode with anxiety. "You all have been approved for a conscientious objector discharge." As soon as he said it, we all rejoiced as much as we could in a military setting. It felt as though an entire mountain had been removed, and we were allowed to walk right on through. It was wonderful. But then something marvelous happened that still to this day fills us with wonder and amazement.
As we stood there rejoicing, in a military way, of course, the captain smiled and said, "But wait, before you go, there's something I need to tell you." "Yes, sir?" we nodded. "What is it?" "I too now am getting out of the army for the very same reasons." "What?" We couldn't believe it. The very same officer who was the judge at our conscientious objector hearings was now leaving the army for the very same reasons.
I began to try talking to him about it and asking some questions, but it was clear that he did not feel free to talk. He quickly picked up a bunch of paperwork and bade us a final farewell. I still can hardly believe it. The whole thing testified to me of the nearly irresistible power of Christ. This man had sat as a judge and heard four testimonies, one after another, testifying of Christ and what He had done in our lives. He had drilled us with questions and challenged us with alternative ideas.
Apparently, the testimonies had left behind seeds in a fertile ground. Now, eight months later, those seeds were growing, and this judge was surrendering to Christ and asking to get out of the army for the same reason he had heard us give. It put a wonderful cap on all that we had been through and provided a great encouragement for what was ahead.