Discussion Jumpstarter
Study leader reference - not a definitive answer
Question 9
Anita says mentoring fruit must be “for the other person’s sake and not for our own,” and warns against becoming someone’s hero—when you feel drained or despondent after helping, what signs suggest you are trying to be the shepherd, and what would it look like to “carry but not own” another person’s burden?
Another way to ask: Anita says mentoring should be for the other person, not to make you feel like a hero. When you feel drained after helping, what might show you’re trying to be the shepherd, and what would it look like to help carry someone’s burden without taking it over?
Discussion Jumpstarter
Direct Answer
From the transcript, feeling despondent can be a sign you’ve crossed from caring into trying to fix, rescue, or be “Jesus” for someone—taking ownership of outcomes that belong to God. “Carry but not own” looks like being available and trustworthy, setting clear expectations and limits, and intentionally bringing the person to Jesus rather than making yourself their solution.
- Anita insists the motive must be “for the other person’s sake and not for our own,” not to feel “validated” or be “some profound source of wisdom.”
- She says, “Our assignment is to be available and trustworthy,” and “not to be somebody’s hero.”
- Her central picture: walking with a distressed friend toward Jesus, then “I take my friend’s hand, and I put her hand in His.”
- She states, “It’s not on me to fix everything… We take them to Jesus.”
- In the boundaries Q&A, she says expectations should be communicated (how often, what access), and “Sometimes we have to say no to good things.”
- Linda connects despondency to “trying to be Jesus,” echoing Anita’s point that not being “the shepherd” removes weight.