S2S Sisters: "Called to the Kingdom – Ways Sisters Can Serve" by three sisters

Our prayer is that you will be filled with the knowledge of His will, strengthened with all might according to His glorious power.

Welcome to Strength to Strength Sisters. My name is Jamila Kurtz, and I'm so happy to welcome you all to this call in Jesus' name today. The vision of Strength to Strength Sisters is to encourage women to be catalysts in advancing the kingdom through biblical teaching, testimonies of faithful women, and thought-provoking discussions. I just have a few notes before we begin our call today.

This call today, we're excited that we have a bit of a different format. We have three sisters who are prepared to share. The call will be recorded, as always, and shared later on our YouTube and podcast platforms. Don't worry about your face showing on the recording. Your face shows if you are speaking.

Joining us today are Charlene Stalsfuss, Susan Slabuch, and Crystal Miller for a discussion on ways sisters can be on the home front serving their local body of believers by reaching out to those who are single in leadership positions and members abroad on the foreign fields. It's very interesting. I first met Susan and Charlene here in Kenya. Charlene thought her life work was going to be serving alongside her husband in some foreign African country, but she has found God's goodness as He's opened up a myriad of opportunities and adventures in her single life. She lives in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and is in the 12th year of a job that she loves, teaching school.

Susan has been married to Delbert for 34 years and is the mother of six children. She says she grew up believing that she would never be old enough, but now, just like God, He places me as the oldest lady in her congregation. She's been a pastor's wife for 21 years and is so grateful to be plugged into the God who redeems and empowers.

Crystal lives in Kansas with her husband, John, and daughter, Jenna. She loves nurturing plants and children. She's passionate about growing God's kingdom by supporting those who live overseas, and she's excited about all the while investing in His work on the home front. I believe we have a great blessing just ahead for us today. I've seen the beauty of God's heart reflected in each of these sisters, and I'm excited for what they're going to share.

After they are done speaking, we're looking forward to hearing from you all. You can submit your questions through our chat box, or you can feel free to ask them yourself. If you do ask a question, we'd love if you would turn your camera on.

Before I turn the time over to them, let's pray.

God, we just look to You today in this moment of time. And God, I'm so thankful for this opportunity that we have, Lord, that we're in the United States and, Lord, Australia and Kenya and all the other countries that are represented. And Lord, we're Your daughters, and we're just seeking You. And so, Lord, I pray especially now for those who are going to share, for Crystal and Susan, Lord, and Charlene. I pray, Lord, that You just touch them. Lord, that You would be flowing through them. I pray also for us who are hearing, Lord, that our hearts would be open. And Lord, that we can just be hearing from You. Lord, as You show us and You touch us, and Lord, that we could go forth, Lord, empowered and excited to share You and to care for those around us.

Thank You, Lord, so much for Your presence. And so we just ask, Lord, that Your presence would be here with each of us now as we begin. Just ask all these things in Your name. Amen. Go with God, sisters. You can proceed in the order that I introduced you.

Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you, Jamila, for your introduction. I don't know you well, but because of Kenya, we have this connection because we both have lived there and love Kenya, and I'm grateful for that. This month, it's 14 years since my family returned to the States. And although it's been a long time, I will always carry parts of Kenya with me because it helped to shape me into who I am now. I always hoped to someday return, maybe with a husband and family. If not Kenya, then possibly Sudan or Uganda. I wanted to gift my children with the incredible experience of growing up in another culture. But God has obviously led me down a different path, and that dream has gone the way of other dreams I once had, but it's okay and even good.

Synchronous has opened other doors to so many opportunities and adventures. When I focus on the good and allow God to lead, and I'm open to risk, vulnerability, and possibly even failure, I find my life full of purpose and fulfillment and joy, even if it looks different than my earlier dreams.

Here at the beginning of my talk, I want to extend a big thank you to the many single friends who gave input and helped to shape this talk. I've lived in five different communities and worked closely with many single women, whether it's codeines, co-teachers, mission single staff, housemates, so many lovely ladies who taught me much about relationships.

Not all were those automatic kindred spirits, but all became good friends whom I loved doing life with. Many of these friends are still single and were happy to give lots of practical input for this talk. And so I want to thank you.

I also want to make it clear that I'm never, in the suggestions I give, pointing fingers at the women in these communities that I've been a part of. In particular, the sisters in my home church here at some of you have never made me feel as if my singleness makes me somehow less, but rather have encouraged and supported me in whatever my current mission is.

It may feel as if I'm talking mostly to the married women today, but this subject is a two-way street. A lack of relationship cannot be blamed only on the married women of the church. We as singles are sometimes prickly, easily offended, and too quick in assuming things. Sometimes we also believe, maybe subconsciously, that we're of less worth because we're not married. And then we interpret your actions and words through that lens, which is not fair to you. Healthy relationships take vulnerability and effort on both sides.

Nevertheless, I was asked to speak on the question of how can married women in the church serve singles? And so I will primarily be speaking to you all, married women, this afternoon. We'll be looking at two questions. Number one, how can married sisters affirm the personhood of the single women in their communities? And number two, how can married women welcome singles into their daily lives? And then last of all, I want to touch just a bit on the subject of loneliness.

So our first question, how can you affirm their personhood? I'm sure we've all experienced times where we felt misunderstood or put into a box. We resent people assuming things about us and attributing unflattering motives to what we do. And whether married or single, we want to be known and understood for who we individually are.

Something that quickly stood out to me while sorting through the responses my friends sent to my questions was that we're all so different. What causes one single friend to feel loved and valued can make the next feel imposed upon. For example, babysitting.

Some of my single friends are honored when a mom asks them to babysit their children on Saturday. And for me, as a school teacher, I'm not really. I'm with children five days a week, and I don't really feel like spending my Saturday babysitting. Of course, there are exceptions, and sometimes, depending on how well I know the children, I'm happy to do it.

But we're different. We are people, and we defy formulas. And so today, as I give the married some practical ways to reach out, remember that we are all different. And just as you reach out to your individual married friends in different ways, because they're different, so you'll need to do for your single friends as well. It boils down to relationship, and it is much easier to effectively serve and bless those we know well, although I'm not discounting the insightful working of the Holy Spirit.

So here are some practical ways in which you can affirm the personhood of your single sister.

Quoting from a friend, "Don't assume things about singles or put them all in a box. Don't assume I'm single because I'm too picky or too selfish, or I just decided that this is how I want my life to go.

Don't assume that my life is a sad, lonely existence. Don't assume that it's always glamorous because of the freedom I do have. My story is unique." End of quote. We may have been asked out, and we may have dated several times. We may have never been asked out, not even once.

We may have said no to relationships for reasons you know nothing about, and we'd rather not talk about unless you're a close friend. Our stories are unique, and don't just put us into that singleness box. Also, there's often a stigma that singleness carries. The married woman might say, "We don't have much in common. My problems involve my husband and children and church issues, and ours are as different from her problems as day from night. How could she possibly understand?" Or maybe from the single's perspective, "How can she understand how hard it is to always make all of my life decisions on my own, to juggle a full-time job, meals, laundry, paying the rent, grocery shopping, car issues, never quite knowing just where I fit into church life?

But must our lives be the same in order to have relationship?" While living in Kenya, my best native friend was a girl two or three years older than myself. I knew little Swahili at the beginning, and she knew little English, but I would go to her house, and she would teach me how to make ugali and sukumu and chapatis. She spoke the English I knew, and I spoke the little Swahili I knew.

And we became friends. And yet how different our lives were. She had been married at the age of 14, and by the time we became friends a few years later, I think she'd lost two, maybe three babies to miscarriage.

Our lives were so different. But relationships with those different than myself helped to mold me into a better and more compassionate person. I am the oldest of seven children, and the sister after me in age, Joeline, is less than two years younger. But then it was five years before any more siblings were born. Joeline and I were inseparable. We were 15 and 13 when our family moved to Kenya, and for the next five years, there was very little that we didn't do together. We knew all the same people, had all the same friends, and shared mostly the same experiences.

But then we moved back to the States at ages 20 and 18, and a little over three years later, Joeline got married. She now has four children, of which the oldest is eight, and our lives are so different. But we're still close friends, and she has been one of the people in my life who has helped me to see the lovely, the good, and the adventure in singleness. We helped to balance each other out during those times when I get a little wistful of her husband and babies, and she gets a little wistful of my freedom.

Don't believe the myth that we cannot understand and enter into each other's lives simply because our life paths look so different. Just maybe I'm your chance to talk about something other than babies and housework. We're surrounded by married people and are constantly trying to understand your world, and it means so much when you attempt to understand ours too.

Another area of struggle for single women can be the area of finding a place in church life. Our family-oriented church culture is one of the strengths of our conservative churches, but there is a downside in that it does not create well, often doesn't create well, a space for the single, particularly the single without family.

And so here are a few tips in the area of church life. Affirm their gifts. Do they welcome the visitor and stranger? There's a single girl in my church who does an incredible job of welcoming visitors even though she's not super outgoing, and it really puts her out of her comfort zone.

Do they do an excellent job teaching your child in Sunday school? Do they reach out to the youth girls younger than themselves? Do they invest heavily into your children by teaching in your church school? Are they willing to speak up in Sunday school? Do they graciously help clean up after the fellowship meal at church?

Are they quick to help out if there's a need? Do you recognize that I as a single have something important to give to the church? If you see a single woman reaching out to others and fulfilling God's call in her life, affirm her in it.

On Mondays, my students write a short paragraph in their composition journals at school about church. They are supposed to mention who preached, what the message was about, something they learned in Sunday school, maybe their Sunday school memory verse, etc.

And I was so blessed when a mom noticed and shared with me that she appreciates the way that it encourages her child to pay attention and jot down a few notes from the sermon. It means so much to us as singles when our service is affirmed and when we know that people appreciate how we are trying to invest in church, maybe even despite the fact that we're not always sure where our place is.

Another aspect of church life, and this would especially be to the single or in regards to the single without family, adopt them. This is huge when living in a community without family or when you have family, but it's very dysfunctional.

I experienced this when living in State College and attending a church very different from the one I grew up in. One family would check in with me regularly to make sure that all my church questions were being answered. And just to keep me in the loop with church things, I was not a member, and so I didn't attend all of the members' meetings, but they wanted me to know what was going on.

There were regular invitations from many families to meals, hikes in the woods, kayaking down Spring Creek, walks in the park, campfires. And I appreciated it so much. Your house and life do not need to be perfect. Are you okay with a single just dropping by whenever, even when it takes time and it might mean sacrifice for you?

This can also provide a safe place to get a man's input when needed. Even including them in activities such as family worship is very special. As a single, it's just difficult to find a place in the church when we don't have place in a family.

Another aspect, does the single woman without a dad or brother in the church have any way of knowing what is discussed at the brother's meetings or have any voice or representation in decisions made? We very much appreciate when you keep us in the loop with what's happening at church. Being asked an opinion on church issues shows that my input is valued.

Another way that you can affirm the personhood of a single is to visit them at their workplace. Have you ever visited your single friend at her job? There is a side to me that you will never see unless you come and see me interacting with my students. Did you know that I'm a great history teacher or that I'm fairly skilled at getting my students excited about things that I'm excited in?

The classroom is my happy place, and it's the place above all others where I have invested hours and years of my life into. But few of my friends see me there. They might be working too. Most single women work full-time jobs in order to support themselves, and our work is important to us and often something that we're not only doing for the money, although that is a very real factor. Do you know what your single friend does?

Another way that you can affirm our personhood is by inviting us to events that involve other ladies of our age group. Differing schedules can make this difficult since most of us work full-time, and we understand why there are often young married ladies' events.

But we do appreciate being invited to the baby showers, ladies' teas, and book studies, even if we can't always attend. Just the other week, my friend Lois, one of the young married ladies at church, invited me to a lemongrass party she was hosting, and it meant so much to me that she thought of including me. It didn't work for me to attend, but it warmed my heart that I was invited. And we love to interact with other ladies our age.

These are often the ladies that we were in the youth group with, our friends, and we just don't see as much of them once our lives take such different paths. And so we appreciate those invitations and being remembered.

And maybe you just need to ask us. Ask us how we experience singleness in a married world and how we'd like to be related to since it's probably different for everyone.

Well, I knew this time was going to be flying by way too fast, so let's quickly move on to our second question. How can married women include or welcome the single woman into their daily lives? This question does overlap somewhat with the other one.

We appreciate a willingness to sit down and talk anytime. We need someone to talk to sometimes, not necessarily for answers, but just to be heard. Some of us process by verbalizing. But what if we go home to an empty house every evening?

Can you be that sounding board for us? Dare to confide in us as well. We know that marriage is not perfect. Your confessions won't shock us, although this again depends on the single because not all singles want to hear the details. But a healthy relationship must go both ways and must involve a willingness to enter into each other's struggle.

Share your children with us. Most singles do crave interaction with children. Like I said, teachers are sometimes an exception, but I have found it very fun to interact with children outside of school when I don't need to be their authority and when I can just have a good time with them.

Although half the time I just end up being their authority anyway because I'm so used to it. But it's fun that it's not my responsibility to make sure they're behaving and I can just have a good time. Some moms are sensitive, bless their hearts, to not wanting us to feel used or like a convenient babysitter. But we do understand that our stopping by unannounced probably means that children will be around and that we will not be getting your undivided attention. Don't apologize for it. It's your life, and we enjoy your children.

Include us in parties and meals with a mixture of singles and married. Some of us enjoy participating in, or at least listening in on, intellectual conversations that involve men. And it means a lot to be invited to join that Bible study and not just be asked to babysit the children. Not all singles enjoy a singles group and would much prefer to simply be invited to your house along with several married couples.

My sister, Joeline, no longer—she and her family no longer live here in my home community, but when they were first married, they did. And I really appreciated how she would randomly invite me over Sunday evenings when they had invited some other young married families or other friends over. And she knew that they're my friends too, and she was quick to extend an invitation, and I really appreciated that. Sunday evenings can sort of be a time when I don't quite know what to do with myself.

So I have this apartment above my parents' garage, so it's attached to their house. But Sunday evenings, my parents often go visiting, and my younger sisters all go to youth, and what do I do with myself? And so having—I mean, there's always people you can do things with and invite over, but hosting takes a lot of energy, and it just means a lot when you're invited away during times like that.

Another very practical way to bless your single friend is through food. And I can hardly stress this one too much, especially in reference to a single who lives alone. The way to a woman's heart sometimes is through food as well. For sure, a single woman's heart. We don't all love to cook, and it takes brain work to cook nutritious food for one person since we often don't have as many ingredients on hand. When I lived on my own in State College, my eyes were open to how long it can take to use up food when living alone. And I soon learned to buy small amounts unless I wanted to be eating the same thing for the next week.

I rarely kept both cabbage and lettuce on hand, and it was usually either milk or yogurt for my morning granola that week. And one week I'd buy apples and the next grapes. I rarely cooked full-course meals, but rather prepared only one or two items. It just didn't feel worth it to go to all that work for just one person. And so it was lovely to be invited away for a meal and to be served more than just one dish. But in the food, don't feel like you need to prepare an entire meal whenever you want to bless us with food.

We often don't bake, and it means so much to get two cookies or a small loaf of pumpkin bread or just a couple of rolls when you're baking. And when I lived alone, I loved the offer of leftovers to take home for tomorrow's lunch at school.

Another way that you can bless the single without family is to extend a standing invitation to just show up on Tuesday or Saturday or Monday evening. This provides family interaction with a variety of ages. It provides interaction with men without it being weird, an opportunity to get a man's perspective. It doesn't need to be fancy. You don't need to entertain us. We just want to sit there beside your fire with a book and crocheting or schoolwork and not be alone.

As a single, hosting can look really big, especially when you're working full-time. And once when I was feeling a little guilty about showing up at a friend's house again for a meal, she kindly assured me that just adding one more plate to the table takes little effort for her compared to the work that it would have taken for me to host her and her family. And I really appreciated that.

Another way you can involve them in your life—I'm thinking especially of single women who work with your husband. If your husband is in a situation like that, make a special effort to get to know them. To me, it doesn't feel healthy when I know a married man much better than I do his wife. And I really appreciate when she initiates reaching out to me and getting to know me.

Sickness. Do you know how awful it is to be sick when you live alone? No, you know, probably it's awful too if you're young married and have lots of children that are depending on you. But it's awful to be sick alone. If you know that your single friend is sick, it will mean the world to have you stop in to check up on her and make her a cup of tea or a piece of toast.

And now for a common myth. Please do not assume that we have a ton of time simply because we don't have children. Singles have limits and can't always be the person to run to the rescue ASAP. We often work full-time jobs, and our day off can be very full with cleaning and studying to teach Sunday school and grocery shopping and making food and finishing up lesson plans for school and finally getting that dress sewed for a wedding.

We want to help out, but we do feel used when treated like the on-call nanny of the community.

So there are a bunch of practical ways that you can reach out to your single friends. And I don't want you to feel at all like you're not doing a good job already because I have so many wonderful married friends who have showed me clearly that I matter to them and have reached out to me. But hopefully, you can find something practical to take with you to bless that single friend.

Last of all, in the last few minutes here, what about the very real loneliness factor? Loneliness is not simply being alone. It's rather the absence of connection. And we as women are relational beings, as you know, who were created to love and to be loved not only by God but also by humans.

This human connection is essential, although often lacking in our world and not only in our culture at large. It can also be lacking in the church. Although I would insert that those of us with church community imprinted in our DNA can hardly fathom the complete aloneness of those who can name only one or two people who would even notice if they disappeared.

There will always be times when I feel lonely. It would be that way even with a husband or friends that do it all right because we all have this God-shaped vacuum in our hearts that I don't think will ever be completely filled until we stand in God's presence and are immersed in that perfect connection.

Even here on earth, God is the one who can most perfectly fill the ache for connection in my heart. But while I'm here doing life in the aloneness of singleness, relationships with flesh and blood women give me courage and joy and visibility.

And I thank God for the blessing of women, both married and single, who walk with me. Thank you for listening.

Good afternoon.

It's indeed a blessing and an honor for all of us to be learning together in this way. Technology is a blessing, and the coordinating staff at Strength to Strength is a blessing, and all of you who join us today. But I am mostly grateful that God joins us as well.

To begin this session, let's look in on the scene at the house of a man named Simon the Leper in Bethany. And we notice as we enter the room that there is an aroma in this room. And we see a lady crouching at Jesus' feet, and she's anointing them with a lavish oil.

Where in the world did she get the money for this extravagance? Was it her dowry, her life savings, her inheritance? She comes under the criticism of masculine observers for what they call wastefulness. In the middle of their sharp tones, Jesus quickly rises to her defense, and he points out that she understands something that the others aren't seeing: that her adoration and her worship turn into an act of service for her Master. It's an honor for me to speak of her today, and Jesus said we would. So with this sister's act of reverence and service in our focus, let's think for the next 15 minutes what it looks like when we love our Master so much that it leads us to serve in sometimes challenging ways.

We are all servants first and leaders second. Jesus washed feet and the one we're longing to copy said, "Yet it shall not be so among you, but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life."

And after all, we are all in this together. We are all leaders in some way: in our homes, in our classrooms, in a sibling lineup. If someone is following us, that means we're in leadership. There are countless and various ways to serve. And we'll mention some of those later. But first, I'd like to consider the fact that there are two distinctly different motivations.

Our motivation really makes all the difference. We can serve out of the wealth of our love for Christ. We can also serve out of an idolatrous love for ourselves and love for our own reputation. Let's see what it looks like when we understand who we are in Christ and we are motivated by our love for Him.

When we serve out of our wholeness, we're free to admit that we enjoy a responsibility given to us and consider it an honor. It's not prideful to respond enthusiastically when asked to do something. I remember being refreshed by the sincerity and humility of a minister of the gospel who, when he was preached to ask at a neighboring congregation, he admitted that he loved to preach and thanked us for the privilege of coming there to do so. Or another pastor who, when someone asked him how long he had been preaching, he said, "Not long enough." As a whole person, I will see and respond to the needs around me without flaunting my abilities and resources. I am willing to get my hands dirty without the need for affirmation or recognition.

In our serving sisters, we must embrace humility. I speak from costly personal experience. Having been an overachiever, I hope I can say that I am an ex-overachiever. It was important to me to make a difference and secretly, I hope to be noticed. Do you catch the idolatrous spirit going on there?

God faithfully used some relentless and painful ways to show me who I really was. I was a doer and a mover, and I'm not as proud of it as I used to be since God has helped me see the messy and hurtful trail that we movers and shakers sometimes leave behind when we trample others who are quietly serving in the background.

If our motivation is leaving a name for ourselves, we are more consumed with the calling than with the one who calls us. Our serving is not who we are. Our serving is about who God is. Key concepts here are humility and wholeness.

One test you can put yourself through to see if your motivation is godly or idolatrous. Let's say you think of an idea or a project or a brainstorm that would look really good. Meanwhile, someone else picks it up and runs with it. Are you able to applaud that person with your whole being? Can you praise her and initiate the cheerleading that she's doing an amazing job? Don't let your responsibility or your act of service become your project or your identity.

Our focus must be more we and less me. I won't spend a lot of time describing what it looks like when we serve out of love for ourselves or wanting to make a name for ourselves, but I'll insert another small illustration here to check ourselves.

Like when we're asked to serve and we respond with, "But she could do this so much better than I can."

When I understand who I am in Christ, I am free to reach out to minister to those around me, especially those in authority and leadership over me. They are not the untouchables. In humility, I recognize that God has given me an abundance of sharing possibilities, even some that perhaps only I can offer. And as a whole person, I can be the channel through which God blesses my sister. What an incredible honor to be part of that exchange.

As we think about the parable of the stewards, one was given one talent, one five, and one ten. Let's think about not only the honor that we receive when God hands us responsibilities or talents, but actually our very spiritual success depends on whether we take God's assignments seriously or not.

Wives of leaders sometimes live with loneliness and misunderstandings, and in some church cultures, are viewed as the untouchables, maybe almost sacred. I even heard a lady once describe a minister's wife as being closer to the kingdom. Perhaps a part of the reason for that kind of thinking lies in our cultural background and our culture's response to a call to leadership. For example, I'll tell you, I'll give you one little exaggerated example. So thinking way, way back to when the shoes were either low top or high top, sometimes buttoned up, sometimes tied up. The understanding was that if your husband was ordained as a minister on a Sunday, by the next Sunday, you as his wife would be expected to wear the high top shoes by merit of being a minister's wife.

Or another illustration that kind of goes with our culture maybe is that ordinations are sometimes almost regarded like funerals. Allow your leader's wife to be a normal person with needs and vulnerabilities. Her toddler's scrapped too, and they cry at night. Her teens may make bad choices.

Be her friend. She didn't campaign for the job. Don't use her position for your advantage. Dialogue with her in an effort to hear her heart, but not with the subtle intention of passing on vibes, hopefully all the way to the church leadership.

Don't trespass where you're not invited. Don't manipulate. Few things put more wind into your leader's sails than if you volunteer before being asked. Don't be afraid to take initiative to plan things. Teach Sunday school. Coordinate a mother-daughter event. Mentor a struggling young person. Help fill a visiting minister's meal sign-up sheet as soon as it's posted. And it doesn't matter that you don't know the minister who's coming.

I've been blessed to be part of a church community where I've been the recipient of many of the things I'm talking about here today.

Presently, I have the honor of meeting monthly with three other sisters, single and married. What we do when we get together is just process life together, and we take turns talking and listening, but mostly we push each other towards God.

As sisters, there is no greater gift we can give to each other than to nudge each other toward God in the processes of life. If your leader's wife is a mentor, I venture to say she craves a mentor as well.

Be present. So a bit over a year ago, I was facing a potentially life-altering medical diagnosis, and we had found out that day, that evening, my husband went to prayer meeting and shared it with our church family. And the next morning, there was a small handful of ladies sitting in my living room. They just wanted to be there. They just wanted to pray with me. They wanted to cry with me. They wanted to hear it straight from me.

Don't be afraid to show up. That morning, those ladies brought the tangible presence of God into my living room.

We all know about placing the cookies in the car at church, and there's a time for baked items and cards and money gifts and flowers and gift cards, but don't get caught thinking that it takes money to be able to bless your leaders. Sometimes the gifts that don't cost money are the most meaningful, like time, a coffee date, babysitting services, helping to host guests in church.

But having said all that, there is one most significant blessing that you can offer your leaders. Your personal fervent walk with God way outshines any physical token you can offer. There is no sweeter aroma than that of a life deeply committed to God, even willing to do hard things.

After all, each one of us is equally ordained unto good works. Pursue God as if your life depended on it, because it does. Allow your leaders to glimpse your walk with God. Give testimony. Maintain a soft, sensitive heart. Be vulnerable and easily entreated. We can serve with our words. Words speak life. Every one of us can be an encourager.

Don't set trends that tax your leaders, but set trends that lead to a hunger and thirst for God. Thank your pastor for the message, just like you might expect him to thank you for a meal that you prepared.

Have your children take notes during the message and be attentive. Stay awake. Show alertness and interest. A preacher notices. I know I'm married to one, and he tells me that he notices when the congregation is sleepy. They answer for your souls, God's word says. This burden is not lightly disposed of. Aaron and her lifted Moses' arms. Could the ways that we hold up our leader's arms make the difference between spiritual defeat and spiritual victory?

Pray for your leaders and tell them you're praying. Ask them how you can best pray for them. In our serving, are we cumbered or dragged down? Do we run around as if we were human doings instead of human beings?

When we complain to the master that our sister is not as busy in kingdom work as she should be, can you hear Jesus' word answer to our words? I have a dream that in our sisterhoods, we could practice something that I'm going to call the Revolving Care Act.

Think of a hospital scene where some are in beds while others minister healing. When I am ill and suffering, you empathize and run to my rescue. When you suffer, I remember my own healing and minister grace and mercy to you. And I'm willing to walk with you until you're out of the hospital bed and back on staff.

In this exchange lies the hope for our continued healing. None of us are always in bed, hopefully, nor are we always on staff. We take turns needing and giving care.

In conclusion, I again make mention of three ladies in the gospels who all understood serving and were motivated by their love for their master: Mary Magdalene, Lazarus sister Mary, and also a lady without a name in Matthew and Mark.

Christ validated and defended her as a woman, which was way bigger in that culture than we have ever experienced. There were people around her who misunderstood her and criticized her motives loudly. She was willing to break through cultural barriers to show her adoration for Christ. She became vulnerable.

Money was not her guiding influence. She understood truths about the Messiah that the scholars and religious pious did not. He said her memory would always be spoken of like today. She was a forward thinker. For example, his burial. And I'd like to think that maybe as he agonized in Gethsemane a day or two later, that the aroma of this anointing still perfumed his senses.

Her love for her master led her to acts of service. Christ said about her, "She hath done what she could." That would be my ultimate joy, that one day Christ would defend each one of us and say, "She has done what she could."

Well, my talk is about how sisters can serve members abroad. And it's something I'm really glad to talk about because it's something that the Lord has been growing in my heart over the last six years as we have walked with the family from our church, and it has become something I care very much about. I have never lived abroad, and so I have depended heavily on input from ladies who have or are currently living abroad for this talk.

So now let's define a little, what am I meaning by members abroad? And I'm mainly talking about ladies who are living overseas. But I would also add that it doesn't need to be limited to that. We can also have ladies who live in our home country, who maybe live away from our church at the time that need supporting friendships.

So first of all, I'd like to talk about who is the missionary, and then two ways we can support, and I'll have that into three categories. One, prayer; two, emotional and moral support; and three, home visits.

So who is the missionary? I used to think, and I still hear at times that we talk about having a call to missions versus not having a call to missions. And sometimes we talk about being called to the mission field or staying home, making it sound like it's an either/or that isn't connected.

But are foreign missions and staying home in competition or conflict with each other? If the Great Commission is really for everyone to participate in, then staying home doesn't give us a path to live comfortable, unintentional lives. So how can we bring this together in our minds?

In Romans 10, Paul talks about the people who have never heard about God and therefore don't know how to call on the name of the Lord to be saved. He also talks about the people who go to preach, poetically quoting Psalms, saying, "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news."

And then he also talks about, "But how are they, the preachers, to go unless they are sent?" Paul, as one who left home to go preach, knew it was important to be sent as well as to stay connected to the greater body of Christ.

Neil Pirolo, and he has written his book, Serving as Senders, and I quote, "Those who go and those who serve as senders or supporters merge their callings and talents and giftings to form the cross-cultural outreach team. All are equally important. All are vitally involved in the fulfillment of the Great Commission.

All are dynamically integrated and moving toward the same goal. And all are assured success for those in God's work are on the winning team." Unquote. So returning to that tension of either foreign missions or staying home, could it be that both foreign missions could it become both foreign missions and staying home missions?

Could we begin to see a picture of connections of ladies across our globe, arms linked, hearts connected, all working toward the same goal? When you and I start to see ourselves as part of a global mission, we can start to move towards ladies who are living abroad, sharing each other's loads and experiencing the joys and successes of a global kingdom.

So who is the missionary? I think we all are.

Now, how can we support and connect with our members who are living away from us? Number one, prayer. I believe that the hand in the heart of God is moved by prayer. How can we pray? Pray for the work. This is, after all, ultimately God's work. Pray for eyes to see how he is already at work in the area and that his kingdom would come and his will would be done among the people that your members are serving.

Pray for emotional, spiritual, and physical support, the emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of your member. Living in a foreign country can bring exposure to spiritual darkness and diseases they haven't encountered before. Learning a new language and a way of living is often difficult.

Pray for emotional and mental stamina for grace and strength for each day. And reach out to them. Ask them for the specifics of how you can pray.

So number one, pray. Number two, emotional and moral support.

Communication and emotional support is often not urgent work and may be easily forgotten, but it may be the most important work that you can do. Loneliness is often a huge part of living abroad and away from caring communities.

And especially as ladies, we long for connection and relationship. Reaching out and caring helps members abroad feel like they aren't forgotten. I've learned as well that they not only want to be heard, they want to hear. Sharing and caring that goes both ways brings connection and blessing.

Internet and phone apps have made sharing pictures, videos, and voice messages so much easier, but all those tools still take intentionality to use.

Some general areas that ladies love to be kept in the loop about are church events, new babies, new dating relationships, people moving, new businesses, etc. Now, please hear me. I am not advocating for gossip. It takes a lot of wisdom to know the difference between gossip and sharing profitable news.

Maybe a barometer for sharing is to think about how is our church changing and continuing to grow and what could be startling to discover when they arrive back for a visit and they haven't heard about.

One of the habits I've tried to maintain is to respond to any letters they send, even if it is a newsletter to a large group of people. It can mean so much to them to get a reply back that says, "Thank you for your letter," as well as a comment or two about what they wrote and then a paragraph or two about my own life.