Forgiving the Watchtower - David Bercot - Watchtower in Question - Are Thinking of Leaving JWs?

Hi, I'm David Berceau, and the subject of today's message is forgiving the watchtower. Now, if you're an ex-witness like myself, you're probably thinking, "David, what are you talking about? Forgive them after the way they treated us? No way."

Well, I understand exactly how you feel because I've gone through many of the same hurts you have. In fact, to start out, let's just talk about some of the ways that those of us who have left the organization have been hurt and wronged.

First, to begin with, when you leave, you're going to have your name and reputation smeared. It doesn't matter how spotless your life has been up to that point. It doesn't matter how much you love Jehovah and Jesus Christ. You're going to be labeled as an apostate, and your reputation is going to be trashed.

When I left the organization, I naively thought that there's no way anyone can impugn my motives or question my sincerity. I was an elder in our congregation, and I had been a regular pioneer for many years. I was at peace with everyone in the congregation, and I had a blameless record. In fact, I'd been a model JW all my life.

But no, that didn't make one iota of difference. Within a week of my leaving, some of the elders were suggesting to my wife that perhaps I was committing adultery or maybe I had committed fornication in my past. They suggested to her that maybe I was demon-possessed or practicing spiritism, etc., etc.

I soon realized that there's no way you're going to leave the organization and maintain your reputation intact. It doesn't matter how godly your life has been, and I'm sure nearly all of you have experienced the same thing. Okay, second, many of you have experienced considerable spiritual abuse. Perhaps you served under elders who were harsh and controlling.

You may have been a good JW, but the minute you started questioning anything the watchtower said, you were labeled as being bad association, someone to avoid. You were subjected to harsh committee meetings and eventual disfellowshipping. Third, far worse, a number of you have experienced sexual abuse, some from elders in your congregation.

But then when you reported this, there, of course, were not two witnesses, so your charges were rejected, and you were told not to say anything more about it. Well, when you refused to keep silent, you were disfellowshipped. So here you were the victim, but you're the one who got punished.

And fourth, of course, virtually all of us who have left have been disfellowshipped or disassociated, something the rest of the world calls shunning. This is an incredibly cruel practice. It's the harshest, meanest thing that an organization or church can legally do to you today.

I mean, after all, the organization can't imprison you. They can't torture you or burn you at the stake. The absolute meanest thing they can do is to cause you to be shunned by those you love. And as a result of the watchtower's policy, many ex-JWs lose all communication with some of their closest family members, parents, children, and siblings.

They will lose most, if not all, of their friends. Nowadays, even their husband or wife might divorce them. I realize the watchtower quotes 2 John to justify their practice, but 2 John explicitly applies only to those who deny that Jesus came in the flesh. And that description doesn't fit most of us. In fact, it probably doesn't fit any of us. John was only talking about the heretical group in the first century known as the Gnostics.

So practically all of us who are ex-JWs have been deeply and cruelly hurt by the watchtower, some worse than others.

And so, like most of you, I wasn't particularly eager to forgive the watchtower at the beginning. I mean, here I had been conscientiously trying to follow Christ, and as a result, I was labeled as an apostate and cut off from all my friends and much of my family.

So for years, I nursed my hurts and wished there were a way to get even with the watchtower. Of course, this did me no good. It only made me bitter, and it actually caused me to draw away from God.

But one day, I was reading the life and writings of Francis of Assisi. On a certain occasion, Francis was walking with his companions, and he asked them who their best earthly friend was. Well, they, of course, responded that it was someone who loved them through thick or thin, or perhaps someone who had sacrificed much for them, or someone who had been very kind and generous to them.

Well, Francis replied that although those kind of people were certainly very good friends, they weren't their best friend. Well, so who is our best friend, they asked. He responded, "Your best friend is someone who treats you unjustly, who repays your goodness with evil, who cheats you and slanders you."

Of course, Francis's companions were puzzled. "Well, why is he our best friend?" they asked. Francis told them, "Because he can bring you eternal rewards. The ones who treat you with kindness and love do a lot for you in this life, but there's very little they can do for you eternally. In contrast, the one who has treated you with evil and injustice can provide you with an eternal reward."

Well, how's that? Well, Jesus said that if you love your enemy despite his evil, you will receive an eternal reward. And that's more than your other friends can do for you. So your worst enemy ends up actually becoming your best friend, but only if you love him despite his badness.

Yes, Jesus said, quoting from him now from the Sermon on the Mount, "You heard that it was said, 'You must love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' However, I say to you, continue to love your enemies and to pray for those who persecute you so that you may prove yourself sons of your Father who is in the heavens, since he makes his Son rise on both the wicked and the good and makes it rain on both the righteous and the unrighteous.

For if you love those loving you, what reward do you have? Are not also the tax collectors doing the same thing?" It's from Matthew 5:43 through 46. Well, years ago, I reflected on what Jesus said. I realized that the test of a true Christian is not how we treat our friends, but how we treat our enemies. I realized that I couldn't do anything to change how the witnesses would treat me, but I could change my own heart toward them. I could forgive them from the depth of my heart. And so I did.

And you know, the wonderful thing is that I ended up being the one who was most blessed by forgiving them. Unforgiveness is a heavy load to carry through life. It was incredibly freeing to just forgive the witnesses and to be able to lay that heavy load down. And I think a lot about the words of Francis of Assisi.

After forgiving the witnesses, when I would hear that they were saying this about me or that about me, I lived in a small town, and so things would get around very quickly, I was no longer resentful. I would just smile and say to myself, "That's fine.

In return, I'm going to say nice things about you, but go on calling me an apostate and saying untrue things about me. By my returning good for your evil, you're enabling me to receive an eternal reward. So thanks for being my best friend." So what does it look like to really forgive? Well, first, it means that you no longer carry any feeling of animosity toward the witnesses or any desire to get even with them.

The perfect example we have in this situation is the Apostle Paul. If we think we have suffered abuse, what about Paul? He wasn't just thrown out of the synagogue. Rather, the Jews flogged him and instigated his being stoned nearly to death. And flogging was no light matter. People sometimes died from it.

On another occasion, when Paul was at the temple, the Jews beat him and nearly tore him apart. So did Paul go around with a spirit of revenge, wanting to get even with the Jews? No, we can see in the book of Acts and from his letter to the Romans just how much Paul continued to love his Jewish brethren. He tried hard not to offend them, and he did all he could to help them see the truth. In fact, Paul told the Roman Christians, and I'm reading here from the epistle to the Romans, "I am telling the truth in Christ. I am not lying, as my conscience bears witness with me in the Holy Spirit, that I have great grief and unceasing pain in my heart, for I could wish that I myself were separated from Christ as the cursed one for the sake of my brothers, my relatives according to the flesh."

That's Romans 9:1 through 3. Now, that's what true forgiveness looks like. Would I be able to say the same thing as Paul about myself and the witnesses? Would I be willing to be separated from Christ for the sake of the witnesses? No, I'm afraid I haven't reached Paul's level of forgiveness. But what I do frequently do is to intercede in prayer on behalf of the witnesses before Jehovah.

I mean, let's be honest, the average witness has simply been misled and has been wrongly indoctrinated. They're not bad people. Most of them are sincerely trying to serve Jehovah. I know I was. I truly don't want God to punish them. So I regularly intercede on their behalf, asking God to be merciful to them. In fact, I pray by name for the elders who handled my being disassociated. I have good feelings toward every one of them. I think all three of these brothers have good hearts.

At one time, I was no different than they are. So I pray regularly from my heart that God will forgive them and overlook their errors. I don't want them to lose eternal life. I want to be reunited with them in eternity.

I even pray for the governing body. For one thing, I pray that God can change their hearts and open their eyes to what they have done and what they're doing. I realize that they're going to have a lot to answer for on judgment day, but I don't want them to be punished for anything they've done to me. That's all forgiven. I release them from that completely before God.

Now, I'm not saying don't speak out about the errors or abuses of the organization, and I'm not saying don't try to help others see the light. Speaking out against what is wrong is perfectly compatible with forgiving, or at least it can be. It all depends on what motivates you. Are you motivated by animosity toward the watchtower, or are you motivated by love of truth and compassion for others? If you're motivated by the love of truth or because you want to help those who are still in the organization, you can certainly forgive the witnesses and yet still speak out.

So what are some of the other manifestations of true forgiveness towards the witnesses? Well, forgiveness means that you try to show the witnesses kindness whenever you're able. And I realize that this isn't easy because most of the time they're not going to let you do something nice for them.

I remember that after we left the witnesses, my wife, Deborah, occasionally sent gifts to some of her witness friends, but her gifts were always returned in a rather nasty fashion, which was very hurtful. Yet she did the right thing by trying.

Another way we can demonstrate forgiveness is by the way we speak about the witnesses to others. Ever since forgiving them, I've tried very diligently to be perfectly fair when I speak about them in a conversation or in public. To be sure, I do speak about their errors, but I also speak a lot about their good qualities and the things they do right.

My friends will tell you that I speak just as much about the positive aspects of the witnesses as I do about their negative aspects. In fact, when I hear erroneous accusations being made about the witnesses, I will always correct what's being said.

Of course, none of this is going to gain for you any appreciation from the witnesses unless you speak about them only in good terms, or unless you acknowledge that they are God's organization. They're still going to be resentful about what you say. So this is about forgiveness, not about being appreciated by them.

Finally, when you've truly forgiven the witnesses from your heart, you'll be able to reflect on the many good things you received from the witnesses instead of only reflecting on the bad. I mean, I realize there's been a lot of bad. We've talked about that briefly, but there was good as well. About a third of my life and a third of my wife's were spent as witnesses.

Today, when we reflect on those years when we were witnesses, my wife and I have primarily good memories. We have happy memories about pioneering and about the fellowship we enjoyed with various brothers and sisters. Of course, we also have happy memories about the brothers and sisters we've come to know since leaving the witnesses.

My wife, Deborah, and I also appreciate the many benefits we received as a result of being witnesses. For example, we're grateful that because of being witnesses, we avoided getting into sexual immorality or into drugs. We're both glad we never used tobacco.

Now, to be sure, we would have obtained those same protections if we had been committed Christians in many other settings. It's not just the witnesses who help to protect against those things. In fact, where we presently fellowship among the conservative Anabaptists, there's a lot less immorality and use of drugs than there is among the witnesses.

Still, growing up as JWs protected Deborah and I from many things that we may have succumbed to if we had grown up in the world.

Now, let's look at what Jesus had to say about forgiveness.

The important thing we all need to take to heart is that forgiveness is not optional. It is a direct commandment of Christ. For example, in the model prayer, we pray this, "Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors."

And after giving the model prayer, Jesus immediately went on to say this. He said, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Whereas if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Accordingly, if we refuse to forgive the witnesses, God is not going to forgive us for our sins. I mean, it is that simple. So even if your only motive is self-interest, you will want to forgive the watchtower. One of Jesus' parables that I really take to heart is the parable of the unforgiving slave. We find this in Matthew 18:21 through 35. I'm going to read this passage. It's a bit long, but it's very important. We read, "Then Peter came and said to him, 'Lord, how many times has my brother sinned against me, and am I to forgive him?

Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I say to you, not up to seven times, but up to 77 times. That is why the kingdom of the heavens may be likened to a king who wanted to settle accounts with his slaves.

When he started to settle them, a man was brought in who owed him 10,000 talents. But because he did not have the means to pay it back, his master ordered him and his wife and his children and all the things he owned to be sold and payment to be made.

So the slave fell down and did obeisance to him, saying, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay back everything to you.' Moved with pity at this, the master of that slave let him off and canceled his debt.

But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him 100 denarii and grabbed him and began to choke him, saying, 'Pay back whatever you owe.' So his fellow slave fell down and began to beg him, saying, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' However, he was not willing, but he went and had him thrown into prison until he could pay back what he owed.

When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they became greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all the things that had happened. Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'Wicked slave, I canceled all that debt for you when you pleaded with me. Should you not also have shown mercy to your fellow slave as I showed mercy to you?'

With that, his master, provoked to wrath, handed him over to the jailers until he repaid all that he owed. My heavenly Father will also deal with you in the same way if each of you does not forgive your brother from your heart.'

And notice how Jesus ended that to make sure we take this parable seriously. And I'm going to reread those words. Jesus said, 'My heavenly Father will also deal with you in the same way if each of you does not forgive your brother from your heart.' So Christ lets us know in no uncertain terms that if we don't forgive others, we will not be forgiven by God. We are just like that ungrateful slave who had such a huge debt forgiven, but then turned right around and wouldn't forgive his fellow slave for a small debt.

Now, we may think that what the watchtower has done to us is a huge, nearly unforgivable debt. But Jesus tells us that no, it is only a tiny debt in God's eyes. It isn't even worth mentioning in comparison to the debt that we owe God for all of our sins.

It's rather sobering, isn't it? But it's not my teaching. It's the teaching of Jesus Christ. And look at the example Jesus set. When he was dying a horrible, torturous death, among his final words were, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' Luke 23:34.

Among those who were standing there when he said those words were the scribes and Pharisees who had brought this upon him. Yet Jesus forgave them. And what Jesus said about forgive them because they know not what they do, well, that applies to most witnesses as well.

They don't know what they're doing. I'm not necessarily talking about the governing body, but the rank and file members of the witnesses. They imagine they're pleasing Jehovah in the way that they treat you and me. They don't know any better.

Look at Stephen. The Jewish religious leader stoned him to death. Did he seek God's vengeance against them? No. As he was dying, he cried out, 'Lord, do not charge them with this sin.' Those Jewish religious leaders didn't merely disfellowship him. They murdered him. But without any hesitation, before he died, Stephen intervened on their behalf before the Lord.

The irony in all of this is that as JWs, all of us expected to be persecuted. I know I assumed I would be put in prison before Armageddon. I fully expected to be beaten for my faith. I had just hoped that I wouldn't be tortured or put to death. But I was quite ready to undergo both of those things for Christ's sake, if need be.

In fact, every witness I knew was likewise ready to undergo such trials.

And so what changed? Well, what changed is that none of us were expecting to be persecuted by the watchtower. We thought it would be the churches or the government who would persecute us, not the witnesses. But does that change anything?

The scriptures say, 'All those desiring to live with godly devotion in association with Christ Jesus will also be persecuted.' 2 Timothy 3:12. And throughout the centuries, most of the persecution has come from one's former religious leaders. In the New Testament period, Jewish Christians were persecuted by the Jewish religious leaders. In the Middle Ages, Catholics who questioned the church were persecuted by the Catholic authorities. So it should come as no surprise to us that we end up being persecuted by the very ones we used to look up to. This has happened to millions of other Christians through the centuries.

So we should be very thankful that we live in an age in which the worst the watchtower can do to us is to disfellowship us. To be sure, that's no small matter, but it doesn't begin to compare with being burned alive or being tortured to death.

In conclusion, let's make sure that we're not like the ungrateful slave in Jesus' parable who expected to be forgiven by his master, but would not forgive his fellow slave. Let's also be sure that we don't end up becoming the type of persons Jesus described in the parable of the sower. When explaining that parable, Jesus said this. He said, 'As for the one sown on rocky ground, this is the one hearing the word and at once accepting it with joy.

Yet he has no root in himself, but continues for a time. And after tribulation or persecution has arisen on account of the word, he is at once stumbled.' That's Matthew 13:20 and 21. So please don't let the persecution from the watchtower stumble you.

It cuts me to the heart when I hear ex-witnesses say, 'I don't believe in God anymore,' or 'I don't want anything further to do with organized religion.' God is not to blame for what the watchtower has done, nor are all the many Christian congregations out there. They're not to blame.

As witnesses, we expected persecution. And as ex-witnesses, we've received it. And it's what all Christians should expect. Finally, I want to encourage you again to freely forgive the witnesses from your heart. You will find it incredibly freeing to yourself. And by forgiving them, you enable God to forgive you as well.

In short, you're really not going to be able to go forward spiritually until you forgive the witnesses from your heart. Forgiveness opens the door to spiritual growth, spiritual freedom, and spiritual life. Thank you.