Discipleship in appearance choices, marriage etc.

Perhaps I am not answering your question directly, but this is a topic that has been on my heart lately (along with some related topics), so here go some hopefully useful thoughts. Also, in case it wasn't obvious from my profile picture, I don't have children, so nothing I say is from experience on that front. 😀

Firstly, there is the issue of the heart. God alone knows the hearts of men, but I fear that often where we see a lack of practice among our young people (I speak of broad Anabaptism), it is as much an issue of the heart, as it is an issue of education on what the Bible teaches. Where there is a lack of inner character, there will necessarily be a compensation in outward adornment. These commands are hard; they go against everything the flesh wants.

Only a heart renewed and a mind transformed by the power of Christ will find the grace needed to joyfully follow what the Bible teaches. So there must be a foundation of a deep love for God above all else, or we can go no further.

We understand that we need to be different (set apart) from the world, but American Evangelical Christianity has made inroads. In the rapidly deteriorating moral climate of this world, Conservative Evangelicalism stands in harsh silhouette, taking a firm stance on homosexuality, fornication, etc.

but holding a partial doctrine of headship (acknowledging man's role in leading the church & home, but compromising on the headcovering), lowering the standard of modesty & jewelry (while still taking a partial stand against our sex-saturated culture), allowing divorce, and not acknowledging two kingdom principles or nonresistance. Yes, they are different from the world.

But the standard for how we are to be different is not defined by the world or evangelical theologians — it must be defined by the Bible. We need Biblical teaching, not only on what the Bible says on these specific issues, but also the heart God calls us to have throughout all of life. Without the heart behind it, who is to say that our practical applications of, say, modesty, are more correct than what conservative Evangelicals teach about modesty?

I fear that too often, the Anabaptists have taught the practical application, and justified it with the basics of what the Bible teaches, without taking the time to teach effectively on the heart issues. I suspect if the basics and heart issues were clearly settled, we'd have very little trouble with the practical application. From reading your post, I trust these issues are probably all quite clear to you already.

Secondly, there is the matter of teaching resources. I may be wrong here, but frankly, I think we often have too low expectations for the intellectual maturity of our young people. When it comes to young teens, is it unrealistic to use adult resources, if we take the time to come alongside them and discuss the things they don't understand (stop reading, pause the sermon, etc.)? Obviously this is not so well-suited for children, but for teens, I think we can set a high bar and help them reach it.

Again, I could be wrong here; I would welcome feedback.

"Only a heart renewed and a mind transformed by the power of Christ will find the grace needed to joyfully follow what the Bible teaches. So there must be a foundation of a deep love for God above all else, or we can go no further."

i really want to thank you brothers for your wonderful opinions and i think with that alone a parent can be able to really teach and raise up a child. i feel like there is a significant reason as to why King Jesus said that the Greatest commandment is LOVE, all thing rotate surely around this.

if at all a parent raises up his children teaching them to love God with all that they have then following the rest of His commandments will be easy to follow not as some thing heavy or a burden they are to carry but because they really Love the Lord and are willing to do whatever it takes to follow Him. I know am not theologically rich but what i,m certain is that Love will always win. thank you brother

We use Lamp and Light Publishers and Christian Light materials that both have stories and curriculum teaching the heart. It is what changed mine. I am sure you know about these resources already, but I will witness to my own change of heart as I taught my children these values and it changed me in the process. It helps to understand the "why" behind the "what" for sure.

I just recently listened to the series on the headcovering through the Followers of the Way website and it does my heart good to hear it over and over as a reminder of why we do what we do. Asking why and knowing why make all the difference as it becomes purposeful not just a tradition or blind obedience. I hated covering my head years ago, but did it out of being told what to do. Now, I fully embrace it as an empowering of my femininity. I don't feel pushed down or controlled by it either.

I feel blessed to have power on my head. It's like a secret weapon. Now there's a story in the making! :) When giving an answer as to why; I can now give it with joy. This because I understand it more fully not as a dictatorial command but as a gift; a grace really.

I am not sure if this is what you were asking, but I will throw it out there for thought and as testimony from a woman transformed...

Hi Jeremy,

In case you haven't run across this sermon before, I thought it might be helpful in addressing the heart attitude concerning dress, instead of just focusing on outward appearance.

fashion jewelry and immodesty: expressions of pride and enemies of faith (followers-of-the-way.org) — https://www.followers-of-the-way.org/messages/sermon/2014-07-06/fashion-jewelry-and-immodesty:-expressions-of-pride-and-enemies-of-faith

Aspects of it may be helpful for younger children, but I haven't come across materials specifically for children other than the resources Lora mentioned.

All of the responses are valuable and thanks for each of them. I will check out the 2 publishers and the sermon on the ways that pride can cause people to have extravagant clothing etc. I hope to communicate with my children about the causes of pride and people pleasing at the expense of humility and love for God and pleasing God.