Overcoming Anxiety - Zack Morgan

If you want me to be crazy, I'll be the best crazy man you have. I literally said that. I said, "Lord, if you want me to be crazy, I'll be the best crazy man you have, and I'll serve you.

I'll serve you even though I'm debilitated and I hardly can."

This morning I'm going to talk about anxiety. And we don't have to look very far to see a lot of fear, a lot of worry, anxiety in the world.

Just take, for instance, COVID. There's fear on both sides. I think that's the driving fact. And a lot of these arguments, whether fear of government overreach or fear of the pandemic and the illness, people are fearful. And I think that really drives a lot of people in a lot of these extreme reactions is fear and worry.

So I was going to talk about fear, worry, anxiety in one sermon, but it turned to be a little bit too much. So today I'm going to be talking about anxiety specifically. And maybe another time I'll talk about fear and worry. So first of all, what's the difference between worry and anxiety?

Worry is temporary. There is a concerning situation and you worry about it. Anxiety is persistent even when concerns are unrealistic. It often compromises your ability to function. So that's just an excerpt from an article I found online. And I felt like that really wrapped it up well.

Just thinking about worrying in my life, there's things I worry about. There's things that I worry about that are legitimate things in my life. And then thinking about anxiety that I've struggled with, it has often been something very unrealistic, something that is persistent and I have to continue to battle with that.

And I don't claim to be able to speak professionally on any kind of mental health or anything like that. And I think there's a whole nother side to that on this issue. But today, my hope is to be able to share with you my journey, my struggle, a little bit of that, but mostly focus on my victory that I found and some of the tools I've been able to gain to be able to continue to fight this battle.

So just to lay the groundwork a little bit for my story, I think we know there's, or at least from my point of view, there's two different camps in the Christian world on how we view God. And the one camp would be the majority of the people or Christians take the view that God is all love. God is a good God. God is love. He doesn't expect much from His children. There's no part that we really play in our salvation.

And that pairs well with the cheap gospel with salvation by grace and all that. And then there's the side that we would take where God, as a Father, He does have expectations for us. And God, we do have a part that we play in our salvation. You may be wondering why I'm really bringing this up. But I think this is where the struggle came down for me was in this tension, this tension that God is a loving God. I know that God is a loving God, but that God has also got a judgment and God does have expectations for His children. And I don't know, maybe an artificial tension where I created in my mind, like, how do you resolve these two things?

And so in all good things, the devil has taken the truth and the devil has twisted it to leverage it against us.

And yeah, so that's where my story comes in. So the source of my anxiety was very specific. And anxiety as a whole, I don't feel like the majority of people here—I shouldn't judge—but I feel like the majority of people don't struggle with anxiety. I think all of us struggle with worry. But the majority of us don't struggle with anxiety in a sense where it actually debilitates us, where it hinders our being able to function. But I believe I've learned some truth in my journey that hopefully that'll be able to apply to other areas of your life as well. And I'm also thinking of our YouTube listeners.

I know we cover—there's many people from different walks that are watching our channel. And I specifically think of the Christians that are out there that are by themselves. And I think that makes the Christian walk more difficult when you're by yourself and more prone to anxiety and fear.

So identifying my problem that I had was I was afraid of God. I cared about God. I loved God. And I did care about what God thought about me and living a right life. But I had this view of God that God was stalking me. I had this view that God didn't have to give me any room for myself, that He was always there, just ready to pounce, ready on top of me. And I wish I could quote the verse, but it's in Psalms somewhere where it says, "If I ascend into heaven, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, thou art there. If I dwell by the sea, even there will your hair and guide me and uphold me."

And that verse actually was like a bad verse for me. It was bad. Like this very thing that David, the very thing that we should find comforting was a bad thing that was very difficult. And so I had a racing mind. So just to give you an example of how my mind worked was, so I knew that God, He knows my thoughts afar off. So He knows what I'm going to think. He knows that I'm going to think what I'm going to think. And then He knows now that I'm thinking that He knows my thoughts. Okay. And that may seem humorous, but if you're in that situation, it's torture. Absolutely torture. And that's where I was.

And I was in that situation for about a year. So I don't want to dramatize my struggle. That's really not my point. I want to be able to share a little bit what I was struggling with. But I want to look at why I came to that point and then how I came away. So what was the situation that led me to this point of being a Christian, being serious about living for God, but just being in a fear, just a fear of God, a fear of being fearful of God?

So I had struggled with this anxiety since I became a Christian in the very early days of my Christianity, 17 years old. There were times where I would, when I would pray and I would feel God's presence, and then I'd get fearful, fearful to the point where I would have to run away.

When I would feel God's presence really close, and I think that was really special, but I feel like, yeah, there's something strange there that was going on in my life and something that was twisted. And it was something that I didn't know what the problem was, but I never dealt with it. I always pushed it off and never faced my problem head on.

And so what happened was, so it had been back in 2015, I moved to Guatemala to help with mission work and just volunteer to help down there. And this anxiety that I had, I struggle with it off and on, but not very often.

So I mean, it was something that I thought about moving down there, like, "Oh, I hope I don't get these attacks." So I was still fairly immature in my faith at that point. So you could question the wisdom of what I did, but it is what it is. So I moved to Guatemala and I lived in a village by myself with another American guy. And so I couldn't speak the language. I couldn't speak Spanish. I had very little fellowship because I couldn't communicate with people. I wasn't understanding the sermons because I wasn't understanding, I couldn't understand Spanish. And so there wasn't—so I wasn't being nurtured. And I became very susceptible to these attacks of anxiety.

And my life was, I just lived with a dread of another attack.

And so my point on this is I was isolated from fellowship. And I think the devil loves lonely Christians. The devil loves lonely Christians.

So during that year, I was involved in a lot of—yeah, I was involved in the church work and obviously on a journey myself.

And I would find peace when I would read the Bible, especially the Psalms. And so I started reading the Bible all the time. And it was something that I just turned to. I would, if I had any spare moment, I'd read the Bible because that's where I found peace.

And at that time, I got a smartphone. This was about—so yeah, within that year, maybe six months, this is—yeah, I maybe got a smartphone. Maybe it was at the end of the year. But that really helped me as well.

Being able to communicate with some friends and listening to messages was really a big game changer. I started listening to a lot of sermons from Shippensburg at that time. And just putting that truth, just consuming truth, consuming truth, listening to good songs, listening to music. But yet the Bible and reading the Bible a lot and listening to sermons was really starting to put me on a foundation of truth. And I started finding more of a stable mental life, but there was still something wrong and I didn't know what was wrong.

So just to say, in the midst of my struggle, I thought maybe the problem was there was unconfessed sin in my life. I thought maybe my fear of God was guilt for some hidden sin that I didn't know about. And I'd go over these things all the time. And I'd reconfess things and I would try to think like, "What is there in my life that I need to confess?" And I just think and I think, "What is it? What is it? Is there sin?" And now looking back, looking back on that time, when I feel guilty and there's specific—I know why I feel guilty and there's a problem. I believe that's from the Holy Spirit.

When God convicts us of sin, God has a purpose to do. God is trying to restore us back to Himself. The Holy Spirit has a job to do. So when I feel guilty and there is sin in my life, I believe the Lord, that the Holy Spirit will reveal that to us. I believe that the Holy Spirit will reveal that to us. But if I feel guilty for no apparent reason and it's this nebulous feeling of guilt, I don't think that's of God. I think that's of the devil. And the devil loves to muddle the waters and makes us feel guilty for things that we've been forgiven of. And he wants to make us feel unsure of our standing before God.

So I started building on this foundation of truth, but I still had a ways—I still had a ways to go. I felt like this wasn't completely resolved yet. And I was still seeking God during this situation. And at the time, I told some people I was going through. There were people praying for me and all that. And there were different times where I think God was trying to show me He cared about me. I remember there were these different songs we'd sing. God is so good. We'd sing in Spanish. And I remember breaking down and crying and being like, "Yeah, God is good."

But it still didn't get through to me.

So sorry.

So I was back in the States on furlough. And I was on my way to Ohio when I was going to meet with one of the mission board members, Stan. And I think at that time, I realized I needed some older men

to—without maybe really thinking it through, I was seeking the fellowship of older people, people with more maturity in their life. And so I was trying to meet with some of these mission board members, not specifically to talk about my struggle, but I was just—I was pretty desperate.

And as I was driving down there, I thought coming back to the States might resolve some of my issues that I was struggling with and being around friends and more fellowship. And I was still struggling with this anxiety attack that I would have. And I was driving along and I'm going to say I had like a Mount Moriah moment when Abraham took Isaac on Mount Moriah.

Abraham, before all that, he had done a lot of things in his eyes that he thought was good. When he went to a different king and said, "This is my sister," talking about his wife. And Abraham, taking his own way, he thought it was a better way. And he thought this was the best way to go. And I think what happened on Mount Moriah was Abraham—this is my feeling—is Abraham looked back on his life and be like, he was like, "You know, every time I went my way, every time I went the way that I thought made sense, it never really worked out."

And maybe that's the point where Abraham came to is like, "This doesn't make sense. I'm promised a son. I'm promised seed through this son. Why am I to kill him? But I trust you, God. I trust you, God." And I think that's what happened with Abraham on Mount Moriah.

And I think that's what happened with me too. And I was—because this whole time that I've been struggling with anxiety, it'd been a struggle for me because I knew Christians are supposed to be free. I knew Christians are supposed to be filled with peace and joy and rest. And I came to a point where I said, "God, I know this is your promise for your children, but maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. Maybe this is—you want me to go through this." And I said, "Lord, if you want me to be crazy, I'll be the best crazy man you have."

I literally said that. I said, "Lord, if you want me to be crazy, I'll be the—and I'll serve you. I'll serve you even though I'm debilitated and I hardly can." And I think that was—sorry.

I think that was a turning point in victory.

So that afternoon, I think it was that afternoon, I met with one of the board members, Stan, in a restaurant. And we didn't really know each other. But through the course of our conversation, Stan, he's a pastor, and he opened up and he shared—he just mentioned some struggles he had with anxiety and some of the struggles that he had. And I was like, "Oh, that's interesting." I said, "I've struggled with some of the same things."

And he said, "Oh." Stan's like, "I'd be interested to hear how you found victory." And I said, "I haven't." And so Stan, he did a very good job. And he talked about his struggle. He talked about the depression and the anxiety and the fear. And just one thing he told me, he said he hated to see the light of day. And I said, "I know what you're talking about." He hated to see the light of day.

And

so he also shared with me this counselor that helped him find victory over this problem. And so through the court, he was done sharing his testimony with me. And I said, "Well, what was it that this counselor helped you do? What was it that he helped you overcome?" And he looked me straight in the eyes. He said, "He helped me see that God loves me." And it was right there that I think God brought the healing to me. And my anxiety and my burden left me there. And it's not like I haven't had struggles since then, but I found victory. And it was so amazing to be able to feel joy in life again. And yeah, that burden that rolled right off my shoulder in that restaurant sitting there together.

And so I'm very thankful for Stan and all that God using him to be able to—that input in my life. So that's my story. And so after this time, John 8:32 became very special to me. And so I'm going to read John 8:12-36. All right. So I'm just going to read it the whole way through.

"Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, 'I am the light of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.' The Pharisees therefore said to him, 'You bear witness of yourself. Your witness is not true.'

Jesus answered and said to them, 'Even if I bear witness of myself, my witness is true. For I know where I come from and where I am going. But you do not know where I come from and where I am going.

You judge according to the flesh. I judge no one. And yet if I do judge, my judgment is true. For I am not alone, but I am with the Father who sent me. It is also written in your law that the testimony of two men is true.

I am one who bears witness of myself, and the Father who sent me bears witness of me.' Then they said to him, 'Where is your Father?' Jesus answered, 'You know neither me nor my Father. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also.'

Then Jesus said to them again, 'I am going away, and you will seek me, and I will die in your sin. Where I go, you cannot come.' So the Jews said, 'Will he kill himself because he says, 'Where I go, you cannot come'?'

And he said to them, 'You are from beneath. I am from above. You are of this world. I am not of this world. Therefore, I said to you that you will die in your sins. For if you do not believe that I am he, you will die in your sins.'

Then they said to him, 'Who are you?' And Jesus said to them, 'Just what I have been saying to you from the beginning. I have many things to say and to judge concerning you, but he who sent me is true. And I speak to the world those things which I heard from him.'

They did not understand that he spoke to them of the Father. Then Jesus said to them, 'When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he and that I do nothing of myself, but as my Father taught me, I speak these things. And he who sent me is with me. The Father has not left me alone, for I always do those things that please him.'

And as he spoke these words, many believed in him. Then Jesus said to the Jews who believed in him, 'If you abide in my word, you are my disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.'

They answered him, 'We are Abraham's descendants and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can you say you will be made free?' Then Jesus answered them, 'Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin.

And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. Praise God.'

So this comes—Jesus, this is right after when Jesus parted in the woman taken in adultery. And I just want to look at some of the confidence that Jesus had with his Father. So Jesus answered and said to them, 'Even if I bear witness of myself, my witness is true. For I know where I come from and where I am going. But you do not know where I come from and where I am going.' Jesus knew who he was. Jesus knew where he came from. Do we know who we are, where we've come from, where we are going?

And yet, if I do judge, my judgment is true. For I am not alone, but I am with the Father who sent me. The basis for Jesus' judgment is truth. That's the basis for his judgment. If we feel condemned by God, is that feeling of condemnation based on truth?

And I am one who bears witness of myself, and the Father who sent me bears witness of me. And so Jesus knew where he stood in relationship with the Father. Do we know where we stand before God?

Verse 32, 'And you will know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.' So the promise here, Jesus says, 'If you continue in my word, if you continue in me, you will be my disciples.' Being a disciple of Jesus is continuing to follow Jesus, continuing to walk with Jesus.

And the promise is, you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. And to me, that's where that's really stood out to me after I went through this whole situation is truth brings freedom. There's freedom that we can have in the truth. So if we want to have truth, we need to pursue—if we want to have freedom, we need to pursue Jesus. We need to pursue the truth.

So Jesus sets a condition on this freedom.

If you are faithful in following Jesus, he will be faithful to lead you. And for myself, looking back on this time, so by what I was believing, I was essentially telling God—I was essentially telling God, 'You are a liar. I believe the devil.'

And interesting to look back at what happened in the garden with Adam and Eve, the original sin came from the idea that God doesn't have our best interest in mind. It was doubting the goodness of God, doubting God's goodness for humanity.

And I had done the same thing. I was doubting God's goodness in humanity. The foundation for creation was the goodness of God. And when humanity believed the devil's lies about God, that's when creation fell apart.

When we believe the lies of the devil, our lives will fall apart.

And one thing I find interesting is in John 8, it seems like there's a reversal going back to the garden. And when Jesus says, 'And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free,' they said, 'We've never been in bondage to anyone.' Well, first of all, that's kind of an interesting thing to say because there's probably a Roman guard standing close by.

But Jesus says, 'Whoever commits sin is a servant of sin.' And yeah, and I kind of wonder, is he thinking about—is he thinking about—is he thinking about this whole garden, what happened in the garden, and just this idea of taking the knowledge of good and evil on ourselves? I believe that God wants to teach us, as with Adam and Eve, he walked with the guard. He walked with Adam and Eve in the garden. Jesus wants to walk with us and show us the truth and bring us freedom. And I think the same thing with Adam and Eve is my assumption is eventually God would have revealed to Adam and Eve good and bad, but it would have been based on God's terms, on God's way, and not on human's terms and human's way of deciding what's good and what's bad.

So maybe my point here with anxiety maybe is over-simplistic, especially thinking about anxiety being a fear that's based on—that's unrealistic. And maybe it's a little simplistic, but I feel that pursuing truth, pursuing Jesus is the anecdote for this problem.

And as David said, he said, 'Everything's been revealed. Everything's been revealed in God's scripture. There's nothing new.' But I feel that we need God's Holy Spirit to be able to bring those truths to us and for us to be able to understand that.

I want to turn to Isaiah 42. And the tension of God being a God of judgment and God as a God of love, I feel like it was resolved, is resolved in these verses, or at least helps me to be able to see. And these verses were verses that Stan shared with me.

So Isaiah 42:1, 'Behold, my servant whom I uphold, my elect one, in whom my soul delights.' This is about Jesus. 'I have put my spirit upon him, and he will bring forth justice to the Gentiles. He will not cry out, nor raise his voice, nor cause his voice to be heard in the street.

A bruised reed, he will not break, and a smoking flax, he will not quench. He will bring forth justice for truth. He will not fail nor be discouraged till he has established justice in the earth. And the coastlands shall wait for his law.'

Thus says God, the Lord, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread forth the earth and that which comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it.

I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness and will hold your hand. I will keep you and give you as a covenant to the people, as a light to the Gentiles, to open blind eyes, to bring out prisoners from the prison, to those who sit in darkness from the prison house.'

That smoking flax, and that's one thing that I felt like that smoking flax, that nuisance, just that smoke that was just more of a bother. Jesus could have just smothered that out, just could have smothered me. But that's not—he's not come to quench the smoking flax.

'He shall bring forth judgment unto truth.' So the judgment of Jesus is based on truth. And if you feel condemned, all I can say is pursue the truth, pursue Jesus, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.