My Vision as a Young Father

Title of my message is "My Vision as a Young Father." Now, I would have been more qualified to preach a Father's Day message while I was single. There were times where, during a sermon, I would pray that God would give the parent wisdom to discipline their child, and sometimes that prayer was answered.

Now I just pray for myself, so you all are going to have to just pray for your own wisdom as well.

So one difference between Mother's Day and Father's Day that I've noticed with Father's Day messages and Mother's Day messages is Mother's Day message, mothers are usually lathered with praise and really lifted up, and we're grateful for mothers. We are grateful for mothers. And Father's Day messages, it's usually a message of, "It's time to buck up and do a little better."

And I think that would work reverse as well. If women preached, I think it would probably work the same way. Because when you're in the position of sharing on a given topic that you haven't attained or you still have room to grow, it can be a little bit unsettling, especially looking back over the years where you think you understand something, but as you grow and you mature in your life, you realize that you have so much more to grow and to learn. So the caveat for me is my vision as a young father. So this is the place I want to be. This is the person I want to be as a dad. And I'm quite confident I know what that is.

And some of the things I'm will be sharing today, I have reached that. I have made progress. And some other things, I have a way to go with that. So as you all know, I'm a father of two children. Wyatt is two and a half, and Adeline is 10 months.

So I'm just getting my feet wet as a dad. But I'm going to go through different points. I have 20 points that I want to who I want to be. And I'm going to just talk about that a little bit on each point. So my first point is raise my family in a way where my children will grow to be productive citizens in God's kingdom.

One thing that's been helpful for me coming to this church is appreciating the Anabaptist emphasis on raising your children to serve the Lord. And one thing that Daniel brought up in a conversation at one point, the emphasis on holy living is lacking in many Protestant churches. And also the emphasis that our evangelism first is to our family.

First, we make sure our house is in order before we try to conquer the world. And especially after I've become a dad, I've realized how important that is. Even if I would gain the whole world, and the gospel is talk about what value is it if you gain the whole world and lose your own soul. And I think that applies to your family as well. What if you go out and conquer the world for the kingdom, but you lose your family?

And so I know that sacrifice is necessary to spread the gospel, but I believe there is a difference between a family sacrificing and a family suffering. So my hope is that my family will be able to make sacrifices and not suffer emotionally or spiritually as we reach out to others.

So one quote from the late Lynn Martin, who's Caroline's father, I've never met him, but I've heard a lot about him. And I don't know if this quote is original with him, but he is quoted to say, "When you say yes to someone, you are saying no to someone else."

So we don't live in a vacuum. We live in a world where we live in a world that we're all connected, and we can't just isolate a certain situation and say, "I have the time to do this. I have the time to take care of this." We have an allotted amount of time and energy that we need to use wisely. So before agreeing to do a favor for someone, I need to ask myself, "What do I need to sacrifice in order to do this?"

So it may be an afternoon nap, or it may be time spent with my children playing. And then I have to evaluate and make a decision, which is more important? What is going to have to sacrifice in order for me to be able to accomplish this or be able to help someone?

And so there will be times where my family will have to sacrifice to help others. But the trick, I believe, is having a balance between helping others and taking care of my family. And I've seen quote "successful Christian men who give and give and give, and they don't take care of their families." And that's quote "okay" because they're doing the Lord's work. And I assume that all of you can probably know someone who has been involved in the ministry, who's really given a lot, but they've neglected their families.

And that's not okay. Wes, would you mind giving me a glass of water, please?

Perfect. Thank you.

You're on the ball. Okay. Live my life in a way where my children can see that it is exciting to serve the king.

So I don't want to force my children to become Christians, nor do I want them to become Christians by default because that's the culture they grow up in. But I want them to catch the vision and the excitement of the kingdom and to own it for themselves. And this is something that Abigail has shared. She's not here, but this is the thing she said, that by our life, our children will be able to catch the vision. It's not something we force on them, but that they will be able to see that it is exciting to serve Jesus. And I want to demonstrate that to my children. I want to show them that it is exciting to serve God.

And hopefully, through my life, going through the different difficulties and working with my children, that they'll be able to see that in the end, it's worth it to serve God.

My next point is raise my children in a home where church services and activities are not optional. You could almost take this as they're not allowed to go to church. But the point with this, what I'm trying to say is it is not an option. When there is a service, we will be there. And I want to thank my father-in-law for pointing this out to me. Before my wife and I were married, my father-in-law told me, he said, "You have to decide in advance," he says, "will you be at all church functions or will you not be at all church functions?" And he said, "If you don't," he says, "if you go on a case-by-case basis, more often than not, it won't be convenient or you'll be too tired or have some other excuse for not going."

And then church attendance becomes hit and miss. He told us to decide ahead of time that we will go to all church functions. So my hope is that by faithfully attending church functions, that we are setting an example to our children and that this will establish habits for them to be able to be faithful, committed church members. And of course, obviously, there's sickness and different things that come up. But as a whole, we want to be at all church functions. And I want to remember that my children are watching me.

So never be little or speak ill of the church in front of my children.

So one scenario that could happen in maybe 13 years from now when my children start being or when they go into their adolescent years is there is a possibility that the brotherhood decides something, something maybe practical where they're not happy with or they don't like.

And what I want to do is I want to take responsibility for the decisions the church has made and own it for myself. Take responsibility for that. And I think it's extremely harmful when a parent pits the child against the church by framing it as the church being responsible for the rules in our home.

And I've seen different times as a young person where there's, and this is different church settings, where a brother will, he wants his children, his teenagers, to refrain from doing something or he wants something from his kids. But instead of addressing his children directly and maybe making a rule in the home, he goes to the church and says, "I don't want my children to do this, so let's say nobody's allowed to do that."

And I think what happens in situations like that is that the church becomes kind of the bad guy. And the dad's not willing to tell his children no. His dad's not willing to stick up, doesn't have the backbone to tell his children, "No, this is not what we're going to do."

And next, I want to share a quote from my father-in-law, and this is really good. He says, "I would much rather have my kids angry with me than with the church. If they are angry with me, there is still hope. But if I sour them against the church, all hope is lost." And that's really true. The church is where their hope lies. His hope for his children lies. And that's where the hope for my children lies is in a church and then be able to have a proper vision of the church. And so I don't want them to be, I don't want to speak bad of the church in any way to my children. And I want them to have a really good, healthy view of what the church is.

And I'm really excited about what's happening here. I think all of us, I think we're on a good path for raising the next generation that's excited about the church.

So never speak bad of others in front of my children. This is another thing that we talk here at Chambersburg Christian Fellowship.

And this inspiration comes from my dad. And my dad seldom spoke bad or he seldom speaks bad of other people. And especially now looking back, I'm inspired by that understanding that he was defrauded many times by other people. He was taken advantage of throughout my childhood. And I could probably say maybe one hand how many times he said something bad about someone else. It was maybe more, but it was very less or very seldom.

So that's been inspiration for me from my dad. And so there's a story that my wife's family shares. And this is my wife's mom's dad, so her grandpa, Grandpa Diller. And he was with, this was a number of years ago. From what I understand from the story, they were in Romania and a couple of the grand boys, there is two of them, young boys. And they were riding in the truck with Grandpa and they were talking about other people in not a very positive way. And these two boys were talking about Kenny, talking about Darvy. And then finally, Grandpa, he says, "Okay, stop. I don't want you to talk, I don't want you to talk about Kenny.

Let's not talk about Darvy. Let's talk about Vera." And it was a humorous way of pointing out to them that let's not talk about, he jokingly said, "Let's talk about somebody else." But they got the point that's something that Grandpa didn't want them to do.

So never speak bad about my wife or children, but speak of them respectfully to others.

And not to brag about my kids. These two points came from Kevin. I just talked with him recently. And I've been thinking about not bragging about my children. And Steven works with me, so he knows I've been trying to curb this bad habit. And the temptation is that parents think that their children are smarter than what they really are.

And I don't want to be a parent that teaches my, that sets my child in the center of the world, to be the center of attention, to be in the center, to make them feel like they're the center of the world. And obviously, our children are special and we should give them attention that they deserve.

But it's going to make it a lot easier for them to be able to function in society and the church if they don't believe they're God's gift to the world. And so that's my goal. And I'm going to pull a bill here. And there's a story in the Chronicles of Narnia that I can't do it as well as him because I have notes on it. But the horse and his boy, the second time that Aravis and Shasta were being chased by a lion, they were running to the hermit's place. And I can't remember the other horse, but Aravis was being attacked by the lion.

And Bree, who was the brave war horse, thundered ahead, didn't turn around to help their friends. And Shasta, who was just the poor peasant boy, he jumped off the horse, had a full gallop, and ran back to try to help them.

Now, they're on their way to Narnia, and Bree was ready to go back to Callerman. He said that, hold on a second.

Whoops. I lost my notes. I'll just continue.

He wasn't willing to face, he wasn't willing to face the Narnians after failing so bad.

And the hermit tells Bree, now I have to pull a direct quote, Daniel. How do I do this again?

Oh, I got it. I got it. Thanks. Okay. So the hermit tells Bree, so Bree's ready to give up. He felt like a failure. And the hermit says, "My good horse, you've lost nothing but your self-conceit. You're not quite the great horse you had come to think from living among the poor dumb horses. Of course, you were braver and cleverer than them. It doesn't follow that you'll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you're nobody special, you'll be a very decent sort of horse."

So teach my children how to be decent horses.

It's very much against what, very opposite of what the world teaches is we lift our children up and we brag on them and we tell them that they're much better at doing things than what they really are. And it puts them in this illusion that they're amazing when they still are just average people.

So be careful how I defend my children in relation to how I defend and maybe someone's accusing my child of something or obviously this would probably be when my children are teenagers that this scenario could happen. And before I had children, it was always a wonder to me how parents would defend their children tooth and nail.

Someone says something bad about their kids and they're just right on it. And now that I have children, I realize that children are an extension of their parents. And so when someone is defending their child, what they're doing is they're defending their own pride and they're defending their own reputation.

And I want to show my children how to take injustice and suffer wrongfully well.

Protect my children from evil. So for the world, it's outrageous that we would teach our children that it's okay to be taken advantage of and not defend our rights. That is completely the opposite of what they teach their kids. On the other hand, there is a lot of evil out there. My goal as a dad is to teach my children to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. I want to protect my children from the evil that people could do to them as well as guide them away from the evil they can bring on themselves.

Quickly admit wrong when I fail. So growing up at home, when we were wrong or we were mistaken on any given subject, we were forced to verbally admit that we were wrong. So I admit I am wrong is something that has crossed my lips so many times as a child. And that was really good for me. And what that helped me realize is that being mistaken is part of being human.

It just happens. Sooner or later, we will be mistaken. And it's just a matter of humbly repenting and adjusting our course from there. And so I want my kids to see that admitting your mistakes is not a weakness, but rather a strength. It enables you to mend your way and become a better person.

Prefer my children before myself.

So I remember it was probably in my teenage years where it dawned on me that my dad had preferences too. Growing up, my dad would always let us take the biggest slice of pie or go first in an activity. And I always took that for granted. And it wasn't until I started becoming a man where I realized, "Hey, no, Dad has a preference in any Dad has preferences too. He doesn't just care and he actually cares about things, about food and about all these different things that families deal with." And my dad showed me what it meant to be a gentleman to his family.

So prefer my children before myself.

Let the dreams and aspirations of my children supersede my own. As a boy, I remember my dad would take me to the park on Saturdays, probably when I was five or six, and we'd play baseball together. My dad always liked baseball.

And we first had to practice baseball, then I was allowed to play soccer, which is what I really wanted to play. And I never really got into baseball. And my first opportunity, I signed up to play soccer when I had the chance. And I asked my dad recently how that made him feel for me never to be interested in the things he was interested in, in baseball instead of playing baseball, playing soccer. And he said he was a little disappointed.

But at the time, I never knew that. I never felt that from my dad. And I had the freedom as a child to really not be restrained by what my parents wanted for me in kind of the secular aspect of life, but to have that freedom to be able to pursue my own dreams.

Be a father that my children can please. So it makes me sad that when I hear people who they never could please their father, and it seems like this is fairly common.

And there's nothing wrong with having goals and having an idea where you want your children to be, especially in the spiritual world. But what's wrong, I believe, is when fathers try to force on their children their own idea of success.

Be a father to my children and not a buddy.

Now, what do I mean by this?

So my father-in-law says, "Your children will have many friends, but they only have one dad." So don't try to compete with my kids' peers and try to be their buddy. Obviously, I hope to develop a deep relationship with my children, but I'll always be a father and not a buddy.

My dad silently demonstrated to me what it meant to be a father and not a buddy. Before I got married, my dad and I were shopping, walking through a parking lot. And we saw a lady trying to get on a wheelchair, and she was quite overweight.

And I made some joke about how fat she was to my dad. And my dad ignored what I said and instead walked over to the lady and asked her if she needed assistance. After coming back, he never said anything to me, and I never said anything to him about it. But it was a solid rebuke. My father did not give in to peer pressure.

Your children will have many friends, but they only have one dad.

Learn to enjoy the mundane things in life together. So that one-week vacation once a year is only one week long. You have the rest of the 51 weeks to learn to enjoy each other. And most of life is mundane.

And if we can learn to appreciate the mundane things in life, that's what will really matter with enjoying our family, enjoying each other. So learn to appreciate the mundane and enjoy each other's company.

Take the time to try to answer my children's questions.

Wait, sorry. Make the effort to take my kids on outings. So especially when children are little, it's difficult. Actually, I've never had teenage kids, so I don't know how it is to mobilize them, but it's probably a little different. But when the children are little, it's difficult to do things. It's easier just to stay home and not go places. But there are so many opportunities and so many places to go, so many things to discover and explore for you to miss opportunity taking your children places. And I just want to encourage you all to go to different cities, maybe a small city, small town that's close by, walk around, museums, parks, go hiking, take your children places.

And there's a lot of things that you can do that doesn't cost much that will widen your children's perspective of the world. My wife and I this spring took our children to Harpers Ferry, and on the way back on the shuttle, if you've ever been there, if you haven't, you're not a good parent. But on the way back, my wife sat next to another young mom that was hiking around Harpers Ferry with her baby.

She had another baby about the same age as Adeline. And the lady commented on how adventurous we were to take our young children out. And I was thinking, "Wow, adventurous of you to take your young child out without your husband." And she said that most of her friends are like, "It's not worth it. Just stay home. Don't go places with your kids. It's just too much bother." And she was out there trying to take her children out, her child out hiking and be outside. And my wife encouraged her and said, "Although it takes more planning to take kids places, it really isn't that bad once you go. And in the end, you'll be glad you did."

And it really has been. We have found that the different places we've gone with our children, it can be intimidating, it can be scary. But in retrospect, it's good. Even after having two blowouts on the airplane on the way to Grenada. So some of your greatest fears can become a reality.

Take the time to try to answer my children's questions. So Wyatt has just started asking questions and, "Who's that daddy?" and, "What happened, mama?" are heard quite often around our home now.

And as my children continue to grow, I want to try to at least answer their questions and take these questions as opportunities to teach my children rather than an annoyance. I had many questions as a kid. I'm sure you guys couldn't guess that. I was very inquisitive. And most of them were speculative, like, "How many people could stand on this field?" And my dad would, we'd break that down. And we'd try to answer that question.

As my dad got older, his mental math started slipping, and that was probably the biggest frustration for him. So my point is that if I try to answer the questions of my 10-year-old, I hope that I will establish a relationship that when he's 15, he will still want to come to me for questions and seeking guidance in his life.

So take the time to try to answer my children's questions.

Be a good example as I try to raise a tech-wise family. One of the biggest instruments of death to the golly home has been technology. It brings worldliness into the home. It also distracts people from interacting with their family.

If I don't want my 17-year-old to sit around on his phone and not visit with the family, then I need to be setting a good example now. I cannot allow myself to be distracted by my phone, but take the opportunities that I have to spend time with my family. And it really hit home. It was a couple of days ago.

Well, let me back up. I have a friend that he's a, quote, "singer," and he posted a song on YouTube. He's my barber. And it's a secular song. And I listened to it because he's my friend, and I had been singing this song. And I was in the car, and I heard Wyatt singing this song.

And I was thinking, "Wow, I really need to buck up here and be careful what I take in because my children are listening to the things I say." But more than anything, my point with this is be careful with my phone usage.

Be careful with the opportunities that I'm missing by spending time online when my children are around. So enjoy my children. And this is code for make sure you discipline your children. Bringing Kevin into this again. And a quote from Kevin is, "You better make sure that you enjoy your kids because if you aren't enjoying them, ain't nobody else either."

And the idea behind that is that parents are the ones who are most tolerant of their children's bad behavior. And if you can't tolerate your kids, nobody else is enjoying them either.

And so be consistent and firm in discipline and raise children that other people enjoy to be with.

And I decide to end on a cliché, but it's more important than anything else. Love my children as my heavenly Father loves me.