Heirs Together of the Grace of Life - 1 Peter Series Part 5 - Konrad Stauffer

When you ladies go out into the world with your gentle and quiet demeanor and quietly live a godly life, it has power that none of those women out there in the political world or in the business world are ever going to be able to do anything with. It's a power that is eternal.

Heirs together of the grace of life. We've been studying through the book of First Peter, and last time I had a message, we talked about the main theme of the message was freedom through submission. And most of the last part of the last chapter we were studying was a little bit more on the theme of how to relate to the authorities that God has put in our life, especially government authorities. And now today we're coming down a little bit more on a home level. And you could say this kind of follows a little bit of the same line, but I would say maybe a little bit more talking about the roles of our individual roles in the home.

And today it's going to be specifically about the husband and wife. So let's start here in First Peter chapter 3, verse 1 through 7, I believe.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives, while they behold your chaste conversation cobbled with fear.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning and plating of the hair and the wearing of gold, or the putting on of apparel. But let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and a quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God a great price.

For after this manner, in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, give honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. And that's where I got my title, being heirs together of the grace of life. I want you to keep that in your minds this morning as we go through this message because I think that's a really key and important thought here to keep in mind as we think about the whole situation between the husband and wife and the home, is that we're heirs together of the grace of life.

Likewise, ye wives, be subject to your own husbands. In our last message, as I'd mentioned, we had talked about freedom through submission. Our beginning verse today are still in that same context. I know these verses in our day are very unpopular, and I struggle in myself, almost wanting to give an apology before I speak.

However, I'm not going to apologize because if I apologize, I'm saying in a sense, "Sorry, folks, I don't know what God had in mind here, or what he had up his sleeve, but I don't think he was too serious about it." I'm not going to say that. This is very important. The subject plays a vital role in the body of Christ. It has everything to do with the way our churches function.

If we want to honor our Heavenly Father, we need to observe and practice. So here we have these words, this command that wives should be subject to their own husbands.

And he says, "First of all, godly women are called to be in submission to their husbands." Part of the wife's very important, indispensable, honorable role. I want to make sure that that's very clear. It's indispensable. It's indispensable, honorable. It's something we can't do without.

Is that of being a keeper at home? Your husband is also under another's authority. That's something that we need to remember too. We're each one of us men, if we are true godly men, we're under somebody else's authority.

So he also is in submission or subjection to someone, namely Christ our head. Now Peter throws in a phrase, "To your own husbands," and you might think, "Well, that goes without saying." However, I think that it is good reason why he—there is a good reason why he said this, namely, you are called to lift up, encourage, and champion your own husband, not some other more worthy man.

In a sense, you make your husband feel like a king in his own domain, his home. Peter says, "Sarah called Abraham Lord." I'm not saying I feel like a wife has to do that, call her husband Lord. But does your husband get a sense of feeling like he's a king in his kingdom when he's at home?

There may be some other men—there may be some other man out there that is better with words, more talented in some areas, or more attractive, has more attractive traits than your own husband. However, your call is to support, love, honor your husband, thus beautifying and strengthening this family unit. That's indispensable.

This is a question that comes up. What if my husband is a carnal, shallow, unkind, selfish jerk? That's kind of harsh language, but there are men like that out there. And there are some men like that in the church too sometimes.

But before I answer that question too much, we're just going to move on here and look at some other things that Peter has to say, and I think this question will answer itself. If any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation or conduct of the wives.

Peter is saying, "If your husband is an unbeliever, you should go out and get advice from some more worthy man." Is that what he's saying? Or on how to set your husband straight? No, Peter is actually saying that your conduct as a godly woman will do more to win your husband than anything else.

Accommodate him in all you can.

So what is it that your husband should see that might help bring about his change of heart?

He says, "While you hold, they behold your chaste conversation cobbled with fear." And that word chaste is an old word, so we're going to look at the definition. Agnos, which is the Greek word for it, could mean innocent, modest, perfect, chaste, clean, or pure. I like that word innocent.

It's just, to me, it says a lot. There's something about the innocence of a child that just melts the heart of a man. The hardest man can be softened by the innocence of a child. The gentleness of a pure godly woman has a power about it that is just hard—you can't find it hardly anywhere else. It has a melting power to it.

So I think to say innocent, your innocent conduct, your pure conduct, your clean conduct has a lot to do with it.

Unfortunately, nagging doesn't work. I would like to extend this beyond the home. You, sister, truly have great power even in our world today. Even beyond the borders of your home, you have great power in the world today.

They may not approve of your modest dress, but the modesty cobbled with a sweet, gentle demeanor has even greater power than you can imagine. I've seen this at work many times over. Even though the world talks and talks about strong women and women being in leadership and women doing this and that and all sorts of things that the Scripture actually speaks against, when it comes back around to it, when you ladies go out into the world with your gentle and quiet demeanor and quietly live a godly life, it has power that none of those women out there in the political world or in the business world are ever going to be able to do anything with.

It's a power that is eternal. On the other hand, if you try to appeal to the census by wearing apparel that emphasizes your shape or image and comport yourself in a gaudy, brassy manner, you lose their respect. Even though in some ways they kind of admire it, there's a respect that goes out. And you also lose God's protection because you're no longer in your role that God has appointed for you. So that's something I think we need to keep in mind.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning. God never removes something without having something better to put in its place. I'm just going to pause here to say that's something that's wrong with what's wrong with a lot of religion today, especially conservative Christianity, as it has all these don'ts. Don't do this. Don't do that. Don't do the next thing. But when God gives a law or a rule, he has something—when he takes something away, he has something better for it to take its place.

So I want you to remember this before you start rolling your eyes or grinding your teeth about this. Just remember that God has something better to take its place. In our society, so much emphasis is put on appearances. I think about it. Even men in the political world, before they can get on television, they have to go through and sit through a makeup session so that they don't look washed out or dead, half dead or something like that on television. So they have to sit there and let people mess with their nails and put makeup on their faces.

Appearances is everything in our world today. And especially when it comes to the ladies, there's so much money spent. I think next to restaurants, I think there's—I don't know how many nail painting places there are and hair salons and all sorts of places. It's unbelievable. Every turn, even down in Central and South America where I lived for five years, every corner there were these hair salons and stuff like that because the world cares about that. That's a big thing. So it's difficult. We are affected by this sometimes in ways we don't even realize. And I think that's why Peter addresses this.

Peter calls us to focus our energy on beautifying the inner man or the inner woman, if you will. Let's take a little bit of time to examine the things that Peter says make for a truly beautiful person. We might have covered some of this already.

He says, "But let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit." There's that thing that Peter was talking about earlier. It's an ornament. It's actually like a special gem or a jewel, something that has no price to it. It's incorruptible. It's like gold. Ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. So you have double impetus to do this or to practice this. You know that it's an ornament. It's a beautiful thing by itself. And then on top of that, it's in the sight of God. It's something of great, tremendous price. We want to please—I think we all want to please God.

And that's what we are called to. Why would we settle for anything less?

For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in God adorned themselves being in subjection unto their own husbands. Do you hope in God, or is there something else you are seeking to secure?

Peter says that the holy women of old adorned themselves in this way, submitting themselves to their own husbands, taking their role—in other words, taking their role, God-given role in their life, and contenting themselves with that.

I will say it. I don't wish to speak too strongly on this because I know it's kind of a touchy subject, especially in our day. But it does grieve me a little bit because I don't see it here as much. But I've been through a lot of different Christian circles, and I've seen this thing just slowly decaying. And I don't think people hardly realize it. What happens is they allow the world to influence their idea of what is valuable. They allow the world to influence their values, internal values, their principles. And it actually creates a decay in the church.

So it's just something I want us to really think about. Do not destroy the beauty of the body of Christ by allowing the world to dictate what should be.

And I really love this. Whose daughters ye are as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement. It made me think of a verse in Galatians 3:29, "And if you be Christ's, then you are Abraham's seed and heirs according to the promise."

And I feel like this is connected to that. If we're obedient to Christ, if we're obedient to Christ's command on this thing, it means that you're daughters of Sarah, you're daughters of those godly women of old, which is an honor, a great honor. And then Paul says that about other believers. He said, "We are Abraham's seed." I just like that idea. And we are connected with those godly people of old that were so faithful and so godly that even in our New Testament era, we have the New Testament praising these men and these women. Well, we're connected to them now if we want to be obedient to this.

So it's something beautiful.

Now, the other part of this verse it says where are not afraid with any amazement. It took me just a little bit of puzzling. I'm not saying I have this totally figured out, but just I'll give you my thoughts on it.

You can only truly benefit from this relationship or in a relationship if you, as the wife, enjoy and peace and in a childlike trust, follow your husband. I don't know if that makes sense to you or not. But if you're always afraid that your husband's going to mislead you somehow or is not taking you to the right place, this whole thing is going to be a thing of fear. It's going to be a thing of struggle for you.

But if your husband is a godly man, you know he's seeking to do that. And you trust him. You say, "I'll follow you as I follow Christ. I'll put my trust in you as far as I possibly can, and I'll follow you, and I'll try to do what you want to do."

I think that's what Peter's saying. He said, "Not afraid with any amazement." Don't chafe at it. Just keep following. Keep doing this. And I know that's a tall order, but I want to say something else along with that. It's a great honor for the husband, but it's a huge responsibility for him too. He doesn't leave him off the hook. And we'll find out about that just a little bit later here.

And he only has one verse here for the husbands. It doesn't mean that the husband has less responsibility. It just means this verse has a lot more meaning to it. He didn't need to use as many words. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge.

Now, Peter talks to the husbands, and even though what he has to say is not as long as the instructions he gave to the sisters, this short verse is packed to the gills with meaning, like I said before.

So what does he say? Buy her flowers. Make up for the lack of time you should have spent with her. Just make sure she respects you. Tell her quickly how you want things to look when you get home and run off to work. No, he says, "Dwell with her according to knowledge.

You will have no worthwhile knowledge of any subject without spending a lot of time in study." So make your wife a subject of study for you.

Don't just run off to work and hope somehow as you get old together you'll understand her by and by. Spend lots of time with her talking and, yes, lots of time listening. You will learn nothing if you don't listen.

Dwell with her according to knowledge. The other thing that strikes me here is as you learn to know your wife and what she likes, what she hates, what tends to trouble her, you must then relate to her accordingly. Don't agitate her by doing things that make her fear for her life and yours.

That's something that I think sometimes men think they're so macho. It is disgusting when I see their wives cringing in a corner and they're watching their husband doing something that is life-threatening. It's actually not funny. It's terrible. So don't do that to your wife.

Remember, we as men tend to be efficiency-minded and problem-solvers. We want things to be like this, all lined up and in their squares and blocks. Your wife is relationship-oriented, and relationships are not efficient. They hardly ever work out efficiently. It takes a lot of time, and you're going to have to put aside your problem-solving thing a lot of times, I think, to be able to learn how to cultivate that relationship.

In Colossians 3:19, it says, "Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them." And I know for somebody that's newly married, two weeks, two days married, that verse doesn't make any sense to them. But if you're married for any length of time, you'll find that as much as you love your wife, there's going to be a time and a place where you're going to run. Things are just not going to work out as well for a little bit. And that's where you need to learn how to start working together.

The Apostle Paul says, "We are to love our wives, not be bitter against them." Now, why would he say that? The truth is, even though a man and a woman become one flesh, they are two different personalities. And sometimes your wife is not going to get why you should be so excited about a given project.

And as much as you enjoy having—I'm just using some of these examples. This is not across the board. This is not necessarily here or there. I'm just saying these are things that cause friction. As much as you may enjoy having visitors over to your house, there may be times she feels overwhelmed with the unending stream of visitors and long for you to sit down and visit with her. And there's nothing wrong with that.

But that's one of those things that can cause friction. It can cause a lot of hard feelings. These are only a few scenarios.

There is an idea out there that I would like to push back against. And I know this might be going a little bit deeper into this than what this text itself does, but I'm just kind of talking to us men a little bit here because I know the kinds of things I face and struggle with. And I think a lot of men are kind of alike in some of these things.

So you must forgive me as a younger man here speaking to you all.

There's another idea out there that I would like to push back against that I believe has often hindered and strained the marriage relationship in many cases. It's this idea that the wife is an extension of her husband. And it might depend how you mean that. In some ways, a lot of times when people say that, it's a little bit like the little finger is an extension of the hand.

Your wife is not an extension of yourself. You two are one flesh, one unit with two distinct personalities. There's a difference. She's not just tagging along with your thing. You don't just add her onto your world, so to speak, and just keep on living. You form a complete new whole together. And you form a complete new home together when you come together as two people. Together, you two create a new song and a new sound.

I think about it that your wife is not just a note in your song. You're two parts in a greater piece of music, and you're supposed to blend and harmonize together to make it beautiful. I don't know if that makes sense to you.

But there is that thought out there that the wife is just an extension to her husband. I don't believe that's true. She's not just an extension to her husband. She is supposed to be submissive to you, supposed to follow you, but you are together as one flesh. You're working together to a specific end. We can talk about it later. 1 Corinthians 7:3 and 4, "Let the husband render unto the wife—" I can't do these old words—"benevolence. And likewise, also the wife unto her husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And likewise, also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

And just to illustrate that a little bit, of course, this picture probably doesn't mean anything to you all. It's an old black and white picture that I scanned out of a book I have at home. How many of you have read the book Three Cups of Tea?

Maybe a few of you have.

There's just a little section out of a book I read just recently. It just kind of struck me. It was kind of blessed me in a lot of ways.

In Three Cups of Tea, the main character's name was Greg Mortenson. He went over to Pakistan to climb K2 with a climbing expedition. It's one of the most famous climbing peaks in Asia. And to make a long story very short, he lost his way on the way back. They never did make it to the peak. They had all sorts of mishaps. And he ended up by himself walking and stumbling on his way back. He ended up in this little mountain village called Korfe in Baltistan, which is like a tribal area in Pakistan.

And this gentleman, Haji Ali, took him in. Him and his wife took him in and got him back to health. He was in bad shape when he got there. He was only about half alive. So they took him in, got him back to health by getting him drink their yak butter tea and stuff like that. And they put him back on his feet again. But in his time that he was there recuperating, he got to go outside and look around some. And he saw these children going out and sitting in this orchard or whatever it was, this pasture or this meadow. And it was cold. It's cold there in those highlands. And they would sit out there to do their homework or their schoolwork out in the open because they didn't have any school.

And it bothered him. And he promised this guy, he promised Haji Ali, he said, "If I can get back to the States and raise enough money, I'll come back and build you all a school." And that's where he started with that. And he went on to build, I don't know how many, like 90-some schools from the last I understood in Pakistan and Afghanistan and some of those countries.

Anyways, he went and did build that school, and then he moved on and did other projects. And some years later, he came back and went to visit Haji Ali. And Haji Ali told him that his wife had passed away. And together, they walked over to look at her grave and stuff. And somehow that got cut off. But that's that man's comment. He was a tough old Muslim man, as hard as rocks. But that's what he said about his wife, "I am nothing without her." Is that how we feel about our wives? Some reason, just knowing the background of this person, the kind of people they can be, just hearing that coming from an old man in his 80s had lived a very difficult life of hunger and half starvation, all sorts of stuff, he says that about his wife, "I am nothing without her."

And about three months later, he passed away. Now, whether it was because of the passing of his wife, I don't know, but he did pass away then. So just something to keep in mind. Can we say that? Just a little point of interest.

Give honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel. I know that in our society today, our women do not appreciate being thought of as a weaker vessel. But I believe a lot of that has to come from them not being valued in a proper way.

Too often, through the years that have gone by, selfish men have taken advantage of that weakness of women to gratify themselves. Hence, the women of today think that they will be safer and more valued if they become strong and powerful like men.

It's a result. It's not just something that came out of a vacuum. It's a result of something else that wasn't right.

Women were simply not created by the father to fill the role of a man. First, as provider for the home, and then secondly, emotionally. They were not built for that. Some women have to feel that because of the lack of husband or lack of father or whatever. Well, that wasn't God's design. I have noticed that women are often better at doing a number of different things at once, which suits them perfectly for the home situation.

I look at it a little bit differently than the world does. I see a lady's ability to multitask as something that's very, very well suited to the home. I just thought about all the different things my wife has to do there. The thing of cooking meals, cleaning, teaching children, bandaging a banged-up knee, wrapping a cut finger, answering her child's persistent questions, being emotionally attuned to the emotional needs of her family. It's a full-time job, and it never ends.

And I don't know how many men are actually cut out for that. So she is specifically and uniquely created for that purpose. And that's something that's nothing to be sneezed at, as they say.

These are only a few areas in which women are truly gifted. Most women are not built for the grueling work of a man. Now, I see in other countries, like even in the region where this gentleman comes from in Pakistan, some of these women do jobs that I don't know how they can manage to do them. They're carrying rocks and stuff like that and mortar and all sorts of stuff. It's amazing what they do get done.

But I think men were meant for that kind of work. Most men were built for that kind of work, but I don't think our sisters were.

Something we don't quite understand as much anymore because in our day, there aren't that many men that do that kind of grueling work anymore. A lot of us have different jobs. Even my job, my work isn't that grueling, so.

Aside from women being a weaker vessel, I think a better word that would be more descriptive would be she is a delicate, dainty vessel, one that brings grace and beauty to the home scene. I just was looking for a nice picture of a vessel or a piece of China, and I found this picture of a teacup online. And that's my thought about that. When he says a weaker vessel, I think of something that is beautiful and brings grace to the home and grace to the church and grace to the world in general.

But you don't just put this piece of China just anywhere and hope that it's going to maintain its beauty. It won't. It'll get broken. It'll get damaged.

They're highly valued.

And here's this phrase here, "As being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered." Andre, mommy's at the back.

Sorry about that.

I'd like to look at this one word here, co-heirs or whatever, or heirs. I'm not even going to try to pronounce the Greek word there. A co-heir, that is participant in common, a fellow, joint heir, heirs together. That's the idea that comes from that.

So how important is this to God? Peter says that if you are an older in your home, I'm putting my own words to this. If you're an older in your home, unkind to your wife, putting her on the sidelines, your prayers will become ineffective. Why? I think the Apostle Paul may have an answer for us, at least a partial one. We're going to look at a scripture here in a little bit. So it would appear that we have an inheritance that we're looking forward to receiving.

It might be here in this summit, it might be here in this life, but I'm going to say it's an eternal inheritance that we're looking to receive and are participating in. And Peter calls it the grace of life. I'm going to say eternal life. We've been given a gift of eternal life, and you and your wife are co-heirs together of that. You're inheriting it. You're looking forward to that together.

And I'm going to say as together as a unit, that's probably the only way we're going to attain that is if we keep that in mind that we're co-heirs together and keep that in our sights.

Let's look at these verses here. Ephesians 5:22 through 27. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, he that loveth his wife, loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his body and of his flesh and of his bones.

For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, what I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverents her husband."

The home scene is so precious and so beautiful, it seems to me that the Apostle Paul struggles to separate the relationship between husband and wife from the experience of Christ and the church. All throughout that passage, he keeps interweaving that thing. And it's really hard. It's almost like it's hard for him to separate the two things. He said, "Well, yeah, just like the husband and wife, and then just like Christ and the church, he just keeps doing that."

Husbands, your care for your wife should mirror that of Christ and his church. This is a great privilege. It's also a great responsibility. You are called to be the spiritual guide and leader in your home, leading your wife and family to spiritual growth and maturity. I think about what he says about Christ wanting to present his bride without spot and without blemish. He is preparing. He as the bridegroom is preparing the bride for that great day. He's working together with her in that for that great day when we all come to the fullness of Christ.

And I think we're looking at that a little bit as husbands ought to have that in our minds as well as we work with our families. So your job as a husband is to disciple your family, but you're also to help disciple your wife.

And you're supposed to be a spiritual guide to her as well and help meet the spiritual needs of your family. And that's so easy to say across the pulpit here, but it's another whole nother world to do that at home. And it's just, I don't know, that really comes out to me here in this passage that Paul shares.

I'd just like to finish by reading this verse again. "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverents her husband."

So my desire is just to see us. I'm going to especially say to us men, be the men that we ought to be. And I'm thankful to the wives. I feel like I'm preaching to the choir here this morning because I feel in a lot of ways, I see you all exercising this attribute that Paul talks about of submission to your husbands. I've seen that here, and I appreciate that. That's something that just does so much for a man.

But I just want to challenge us husbands with that too, that we be like Christ and his church.

She's not just tagging along with your thing. You don't just add her onto your world, so to speak, and just keep on living. You form a complete new whole together, and you form a complete new home together when you come together as two people. Together, you two create a new song and a new sound.