Discussion Questions

Tara connects her recent four-month spiritual battle with Paul’s “weakness, fear, and much trembling” (1 Corinthians 2:1–5); how does this reshape what you expect God to do through a woman who feels “broken,” and what does it reveal about how God displays His power? JumpstartAnother way to ask: How does Tara’s “spiritual battle” and Paul’s “weakness, fear, and trembling” change what you expect God to do through a woman who feels broken? What does it show about how God shows His power?

Heather Holleman’s quote (“You can’t hate someone whose story you know”) sits right next to Tara’s testimony of being welcomed as an unconverted outsider; what does this suggest about God’s heart for people with messy pasts, and how does your church culture either reinforce or resist that? JumpstartAnother way to ask: What do Heather’s quote and Tara being welcomed as an outsider say about God’s heart for people with messy pasts? Does your church culture help with that or push against it?

Tara says, “We are not our own…bought with the precious blood of Christ,” then immediately ties ministry to denying self, taking up the cross, and following Jesus; where does modern Christianity subtly teach a “I am my own” mindset, and what would early Christians have assumed about ownership, rights, and obedience? JumpstartAnother way to ask: Where does modern Christianity quietly teach “I belong to myself” instead of “I belong to Christ”? What would early Christians have assumed about rights, obedience, and who owns their lives?

When discussing boundaries with men, Tara warns against harshly judging another woman’s methods while also acknowledging people will judge “real or perceived issues”; how do you discern wisely without sliding into suspicion, and what would a New Testament “treat…as fathers/brothers in all purity” (1 Timothy 5) approach look like in your actual setting? JumpstartAnother way to ask: How can you use wisdom about boundaries without becoming suspicious or quick to judge other women? What would “treat men like fathers and brothers in all purity” look like in your real life setting?

Tara describes practical guardrails (public spaces, open doors, large windows, guarded personal disclosure) and contrasts that with her friend in Central America who won’t meet men one-on-one because of cultural assumptions; what does her “look to the nationals” principle challenge in the way we export American norms under the label of “freedom”? JumpstartAnother way to ask: How does “look to the nationals” challenge the way Americans sometimes call our own culture “freedom” and export it to others? What might we need to change when working in another culture?

Tara calls out two extremes in self-care: acting like a martyr who gives too much, and living so guarded that God and people are kept “in neat little boxes”; which extreme do you most rationalize as “faithfulness,” and how does 1 Corinthians 13:3 expose motives that can hide under ministry activity? JumpstartAnother way to ask: Which extreme do you most excuse as being “faithful”: overworking like a martyr, or being so guarded you keep God and people at a distance? How does 1 Corinthians 13:3 uncover wrong motives that can hide behind ministry?

Tara says, “If we are afraid, we will try to control things,” then ties trust in God to trusting and respecting earthly authorities; where do you see fear driving control in your relationships with church leadership, husbands/bosses, or ministry teams, and what specific act of trust would look like repentance rather than personality? JumpstartAnother way to ask: Where does fear make you try to control things with church leaders, a husband/boss, or a ministry team? What is one specific step of trust that would be real repentance, not just your personality?

Tara insists, “We’re on the same team…we mustn’t turn and begin slaying fellow believers with our tongues or attitudes,” and links contention to pride (Proverbs 13:10); what forms of “respectable” slander or factionalism are common in your circles, and how would “seek first to understand” (Covey) change the way disagreements are handled? JumpstartAnother way to ask: What kinds of “polite” gossip, slander, or cliques show up in your group, even among Christians? How would trying to understand first change the way you handle disagreements?

Tara says singles must avoid viewing all single Christian men as potential suitors, must not delay life waiting to marry, and should live for “the audience of one”; what idols or self-protective habits does this expose (romance, security, reputation), and how does Elizabeth Elliot’s line about discipline being “evidence of his claim on me” confront common evangelical views of grace? JumpstartAnother way to ask: What wrong loves or self-protection can show up when singles treat every Christian man as a possible husband, or pause life until marriage? How does Elizabeth Elliot’s idea that discipline shows God’s claim on us challenge common ideas about grace?

Tara’s “plant trees” story and the “one quarter at a time” illustration redefine faithfulness as small obedience over time, often without seeing fruit; where are you tempted to quit, coast, or demand visible results, and what “tree” would God have you plant this week even if someone else eats the fruit? JumpstartAnother way to ask: Where are you tempted to quit, coast, or demand quick results instead of steady obedience? What “tree” could God be asking you to plant this week even if you never see the results?